First, the Democratic Party:
Akaka (D-HI), Yea
Baucus (D-MT), Yea
Biden (D-DE), Yea
Bingaman (D-NM), Yea
Boxer (D-CA), Yea
Brown (D-OH), Yea
Byrd (D-WV), Yea
Cantwell (D-WA), Yea
Cardin (D-MD), Yea
Casey (D-PA), Yea
Dodd (D-CT), Yea
Dorgan (D-ND), Yea
Durbin (D-IL), Yea
Feingold (D-WI), Yea
Harkin (D-IA), Yea
Kennedy (D-MA), Yea
Kerry (D-MA), Yea
Klobuchar (D-MN), Yea
Lautenberg (D-NJ), Yea
Leahy (D-VT), Yea
Levin (D-MI), Yea
Menendez (D-NJ), Yea
Murray (D-WA), Yea
Obama (D-IL), Yea
Reed (D-RI), Yea
Reid (D-NV), Yea
Schumer (D-NY), Yea
Tester (D-MT), Yea
Whitehouse (D-RI), Yea
Wyden (D-OR), Yea
And now the First National Party for the Preservation of Emuteurotomy:
Bayh (D-IN), Nay
Carper (D-DE), Nay
Clinton (D-NY), Not Voting
Conrad (D-ND), Nay
Feinstein (D-CA), Nay
Inouye (D-HI), Nay
Johnson (D-SD), Nay
Kohl (D-WI), Nay
Landrieu (D-LA), Nay
Lieberman (ID-CT), Nay
Lincoln (D-AR), Nay
McCaskill (D-MO), Nay
Mikulski (D-MD), Nay
Nelson (D-FL), Nay
Nelson (D-NE), Nay
Pryor (D-AR), Nay
Rockefeller (D-WV), Nay
Salazar (D-CO), Nay
Stabenow (D-MI), Nay
Webb (D-VA), Nay
Thanks a lot.
Feingold gets it right, again.
Posting style totally stolen from fish.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Still Not Enough Room For All The Porn
Scientists continue to lag behind in pornography storage capacity. In fact, leading UN scientists estimate that given the rate of porn production and current storage techniques, the world stands to lose an estimated 45 minutes of vintage pornographic 8mm and 16mm film by the year 2012.
"If we don't act now and take drastic steps to digitize those remaining 6 or 7 home videos from 1967, we could lose them forever," says Dr. Hugh Johnson, Chief Erotica Archivist of the Library of Congress, in an address at the AVN Awards. "As I'm sure we're all aware, the types of film used in the 60s and 70s becomes very brittle with age and must be handled delicately, rather like breast implants. The longer we wait, the likelihood increases that we will never be able to again enjoy those blurry and grainy images of hairy people humping on a shag carpet in a finished basement in Moosehead Neck, Wisconsin. We must secure funding to preserve all of our great nation's wonderful fucking history."
Dr. Johnson received the largest standing ovation at the entire conference.
"If we don't act now and take drastic steps to digitize those remaining 6 or 7 home videos from 1967, we could lose them forever," says Dr. Hugh Johnson, Chief Erotica Archivist of the Library of Congress, in an address at the AVN Awards. "As I'm sure we're all aware, the types of film used in the 60s and 70s becomes very brittle with age and must be handled delicately, rather like breast implants. The longer we wait, the likelihood increases that we will never be able to again enjoy those blurry and grainy images of hairy people humping on a shag carpet in a finished basement in Moosehead Neck, Wisconsin. We must secure funding to preserve all of our great nation's wonderful fucking history."
Dr. Johnson received the largest standing ovation at the entire conference.
Sources Say: You're Wrong, Genuis
According to a source on the Hill: "You're wrong. I checked with someone who checked with someone working with the Senate Finance Committee[!!!] and they said that the stimulus check will not be taxable. Democrats are better at this then Republicans." [Emphasis mine cuz, wow]
So, my earlier post about this topic was wrong. I received that information from an H&R Block person when I was inquiring about the cost per tax return. I'll be more thorough with my facts in the future and I'll file on my own this year, thanks!
Incidentally and totally unrelated to any stimulus plan that may or may not ever reach my wallet, I dropped a wad on a new home computer and then my old one started working last night. It's a frigging conspiracy, I tell ya! The graphic rendering on the new one is going to melt my face with dual 8500s.
So, my earlier post about this topic was wrong. I received that information from an H&R Block person when I was inquiring about the cost per tax return. I'll be more thorough with my facts in the future and I'll file on my own this year, thanks!
Incidentally and totally unrelated to any stimulus plan that may or may not ever reach my wallet, I dropped a wad on a new home computer and then my old one started working last night. It's a frigging conspiracy, I tell ya! The graphic rendering on the new one is going to melt my face with dual 8500s.
Friday, February 08, 2008
I Got Kucinich and Obama
Who will you get? I know someone who got Huckabee. That's what being Catholic does fo ya.
Economic Stimulus? I am Unsurprisingly Not Stimulated
However, that may be due to my ricockulously tight leather hotpants.
Everyone make sure that you record the stimulus check as income when you are filing your taxes in 2009. What? You didn't know that you had to report it? Oh, yes you do. They get you coming and going. Especially on the phone while complaining about your treatment in Gitmo.
Addendum: The H&R Block employee who informed me of this may have been incorrect. I'll do some research and update.
Everyone make sure that you record the stimulus check as income when you are filing your taxes in 2009. What? You didn't know that you had to report it? Oh, yes you do. They get you coming and going. Especially on the phone while complaining about your treatment in Gitmo.
Addendum: The H&R Block employee who informed me of this may have been incorrect. I'll do some research and update.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
WEstern Thought Wednesday: Changing Realities
"We used it against these three detainees because of the circumstances at the time," Hayden told the Senate Intelligence Committee. "There was the belief that additional catastrophic attacks against the homeland were inevitable. And we had limited knowledge about al-Qaida and its workings. Those two realities have changed."
Lt.Gen. Hayden is being pretty clear in this statement. He is saying that waterboarding is bad and considered torture, unless you really need the information and then reality distorts and waterboarding can no longer be regarded torture until reality undistorts.
Of course, if you are a group of individuals that like to sit together in your gym shorts smoking fine Midwestern hash while singing songs and pontificating on the nature of laws and legalities and how a can we really define a country by some line on a map that isn't there when you actually go to the border and pick up coke from that dude on the other side of the invisible line that only really separates our minds, man, then you might come up with this sort of defense. It depends what the meaning of is is. I mean, well, you know what I mean, right? I mean, like, come on, bro. How can we be breaking the law if we don't agree on what the law says? You say waterboarding is torture and I say it isn't. Let's just agree to disagree and go get ripped to the tits, broseph!
Or let's not. We see the same shitty excuse on parade against the global consensus of scientists on climate change. The Bush administration's behavior is killing what's left of our democracy. They have decided time and again that they do not need the Constitution of the United States to govern their actions. Every single time anyone has acted to limit the rampantly unethical and illegal actions of this insane Executive, they have countered with nothing more than a legal-speak version of "No. NONONONONONONONO!" This does not set a dangerous precedent for the next president, this destroys our government. I am not only worried about Bush being able to wiretap every phone in the country, I am worried about Obama or Clinton or McCain or Romney or the 46th through 52nd presidents doing the same thing. I am worried about every following president making signing statements that nullify every law passed. I am worried about a Congress that refuses to stop this nonsense. I am worried about a Judiciary that presides over the erosion of the constitutional checks and balances. I am worried about our future as a country.
Lt.Gen. Hayden is being pretty clear in this statement. He is saying that waterboarding is bad and considered torture, unless you really need the information and then reality distorts and waterboarding can no longer be regarded torture until reality undistorts.
Of course, if you are a group of individuals that like to sit together in your gym shorts smoking fine Midwestern hash while singing songs and pontificating on the nature of laws and legalities and how a can we really define a country by some line on a map that isn't there when you actually go to the border and pick up coke from that dude on the other side of the invisible line that only really separates our minds, man, then you might come up with this sort of defense. It depends what the meaning of is is. I mean, well, you know what I mean, right? I mean, like, come on, bro. How can we be breaking the law if we don't agree on what the law says? You say waterboarding is torture and I say it isn't. Let's just agree to disagree and go get ripped to the tits, broseph!
Or let's not. We see the same shitty excuse on parade against the global consensus of scientists on climate change. The Bush administration's behavior is killing what's left of our democracy. They have decided time and again that they do not need the Constitution of the United States to govern their actions. Every single time anyone has acted to limit the rampantly unethical and illegal actions of this insane Executive, they have countered with nothing more than a legal-speak version of "No. NONONONONONONONO!" This does not set a dangerous precedent for the next president, this destroys our government. I am not only worried about Bush being able to wiretap every phone in the country, I am worried about Obama or Clinton or McCain or Romney or the 46th through 52nd presidents doing the same thing. I am worried about every following president making signing statements that nullify every law passed. I am worried about a Congress that refuses to stop this nonsense. I am worried about a Judiciary that presides over the erosion of the constitutional checks and balances. I am worried about our future as a country.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Lots of Differences
I am still torn about the primaries. On the one hand, our political system needs massive reform since non-swing states don't matter in Federal elections and our voting machines are as likely to work as they are not and on the other hand...well actually, it is hard to get past that first hand. However, there are lots of people out there that don't have two hands on which to judge a candidate because they were maimed by land mines, cluster bombs and other unexploded ordinance that have been tossed around willy-nilly by irresponsible nations.
This isn't an issue that really affects Americans because we have not had the distinct displeasure of hosting a modern war on our continent. We don't have to worry about losing a limb when we go camping or having the car explode when taking the scenic route. I am sure that Senator Clinton has some reason for voting the way she did, but I don't know if I care to listen to it. Votes like these seem simple to us, but we aren't the Senators. We just vote for them in the hopes that they represent us. As a citizen without a vote or a Senator, I hope that all Senators act in the interests of all citizens.
The Amendment
International Campaign to Ban Landmines
This isn't an issue that really affects Americans because we have not had the distinct displeasure of hosting a modern war on our continent. We don't have to worry about losing a limb when we go camping or having the car explode when taking the scenic route. I am sure that Senator Clinton has some reason for voting the way she did, but I don't know if I care to listen to it. Votes like these seem simple to us, but we aren't the Senators. We just vote for them in the hopes that they represent us. As a citizen without a vote or a Senator, I hope that all Senators act in the interests of all citizens.
The Amendment
International Campaign to Ban Landmines
Monday, February 04, 2008
For Your Approval: The Federal Budget
In the words of one Hill staffer who shall remain anonymous, "It's bullshit."
Thursday, January 31, 2008
One Last Aravosis Post
I am surprised Aravosis isn't pissing and moaning about the Senate Finance Committee stimulus plan. I mean, holy shit dude, they're like totally only giving you $500 dollars if you make under $75,000 a year instead of the $600 of the House plan. Dude, like OMG, that's totally taking money out of your pocket! You should totally get all huffy and throw a fit on your blog about it, Aravosis.
Also, freak cobag drops eight inch log. That post displays a complete and utterly irrevocable lack of understanding of both global climate change and global warming.
Make sure you change the post title every five minutes to prevent other sites from linking to yours, even though you have more ads on Americablog that Vanity Fair. Speaking of vanity...
Author's Note: Getting "all huffy" has nothing to do with Aravosis' gay status, even if he claims that means that he can call people sexist insults, The Genius only thinks of Aravosis as a cobag.
Also, freak cobag drops eight inch log. That post displays a complete and utterly irrevocable lack of understanding of both global climate change and global warming.
Make sure you change the post title every five minutes to prevent other sites from linking to yours, even though you have more ads on Americablog that Vanity Fair. Speaking of vanity...
Author's Note: Getting "all huffy" has nothing to do with Aravosis' gay status, even if he claims that means that he can call people sexist insults, The Genius only thinks of Aravosis as a cobag.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
There and Bake Again and The Lord of the Confections
As I have made abundantly and belligerently clear, I made some fucking amazing, fandangtastic, scrumbumdiddlyumptious cookies for the Holiday Bake-Off 2007 cookie contest.
I secured tins for these mightily addicting concoctions of absolute sweetness, one each per judging location. I carefully wrapped my cookies, if such a meager word can be used in the description of my creations, in layers of wax paper so that they would travel securely and arrive uncrumbed. I sealed the tins with packing tape, so that they would not dry out and stalefy while in angel's flight to their sweet princes and princesses of judgery.
I made one critical error in this process. I took them to a store with which I have a somewhat troubled history. One of the brothers of indeterminate number was a former employee of this shipping and packing establishment. This may have had something to do with the events that happened next.
I paid for a detailed packing job with involving bubble wrap and a box to convey my cookies, if such an ordinary word can be used in the description of my creations. The unfortunate events happened after I paid a high price for security and shipping and left the store. Somehow, a "miscommunication" and a "misunderstanding" lead my tins of cookies to be wrapped in a paper bag, labeled, and shipped. This faulty, insufficient, and EXPENSIVE label tore off during shipment. The packages were sent back to the store whence they came and I was notified over the Christianic Holy Weekend of Saturnalia of this "MISTAKE".
"OMG!"
"WTF!"
I exclaimed with a clamor!
How could this be? I prepared with such rigor!
On the day I arrived in the store to inquire after the packages I had hoped would be enshrined on the judges' mantles, I met two employees. Two employees who were having a lovely day eating my cookies, if such an insignificant word can be used in the description of my creations. THEY WERE EATING MY FUCKING COOKIES. They were eating my fucking cookies. They were eating the cookies over which I had slaved and slaved. They were eating the carefully written messages of hope! They were eating my good tidings! They were eating my in jokes! They were eating my cobagz! They were eating my fucking cookies!
I retained a leash upon my temper and did not succumb to the temptation to burn the building to the ground and salt the earth upon which it stood. I asked them why they had opened my pakcage and begun eating the contents. They said that they had found them on the counter and thought the tins were gifts for having to work the day after the holy day. I called the manager and she flew down with a dash. We exchanged unpleasantries and harsh words. I am ashamed to admit that at one point I implied physical violence after she admitted that she might have had something to do with the faulty packing job. An offhand comment to a new employee resulted in the completely worthless paper bag packing job.
In the end, I was refunded the money that I spent on the packing ($60). The manager gave me a song and dance about the shipping fees and how the store was not a franchise, it was a corporate location and she could not offer refunds for the shipping in this situation. She also said that since I had not insured the packages that she was not liable for her employees eating them. I was apoplectic with rage and told her to, "eat a steaming pile of dogshit" and gave her a suggestion as to where she could find some. Then I left.*
I was enraged!
I was infuriated!
I left the store in a huff,
I let loose a mighty bellow!
I was sad!
I was mad!
I wanted to run in the buff,
I was indeed not mellow!
The truly disappointing part was that my cookies will never be tasted by judges and declared without doubt the winners for all time, all universes, and all realities. I was able to bring some to my other brother's, of indeterminate number, house for consumption by his family and my aunt. They all thought they were amazing and extremely impressed. My brother's mother in law, a grandmother, asked if I had used beer in the recipe, but if I had she didn't mind because they were excellent. My aunt, another grandmother, also said that these cookies were wonderful and was surprised that I had produced a cookie, if such a boring word can be used in the description of my creations, of such quality.
Since both of these women are grandmothers and since everyone agrees that grandma made the best cookies, I feel safe in declaring myself the Winner In Absentia of the Holiday Bake-Off 2007.
I secured tins for these mightily addicting concoctions of absolute sweetness, one each per judging location. I carefully wrapped my cookies, if such a meager word can be used in the description of my creations, in layers of wax paper so that they would travel securely and arrive uncrumbed. I sealed the tins with packing tape, so that they would not dry out and stalefy while in angel's flight to their sweet princes and princesses of judgery.
I made one critical error in this process. I took them to a store with which I have a somewhat troubled history. One of the brothers of indeterminate number was a former employee of this shipping and packing establishment. This may have had something to do with the events that happened next.
I paid for a detailed packing job with involving bubble wrap and a box to convey my cookies, if such an ordinary word can be used in the description of my creations. The unfortunate events happened after I paid a high price for security and shipping and left the store. Somehow, a "miscommunication" and a "misunderstanding" lead my tins of cookies to be wrapped in a paper bag, labeled, and shipped. This faulty, insufficient, and EXPENSIVE label tore off during shipment. The packages were sent back to the store whence they came and I was notified over the Christianic Holy Weekend of Saturnalia of this "MISTAKE".
"OMG!"
"WTF!"
I exclaimed with a clamor!
How could this be? I prepared with such rigor!
On the day I arrived in the store to inquire after the packages I had hoped would be enshrined on the judges' mantles, I met two employees. Two employees who were having a lovely day eating my cookies, if such an insignificant word can be used in the description of my creations. THEY WERE EATING MY FUCKING COOKIES. They were eating my fucking cookies. They were eating the cookies over which I had slaved and slaved. They were eating the carefully written messages of hope! They were eating my good tidings! They were eating my in jokes! They were eating my cobagz! They were eating my fucking cookies!
I retained a leash upon my temper and did not succumb to the temptation to burn the building to the ground and salt the earth upon which it stood. I asked them why they had opened my pakcage and begun eating the contents. They said that they had found them on the counter and thought the tins were gifts for having to work the day after the holy day. I called the manager and she flew down with a dash. We exchanged unpleasantries and harsh words. I am ashamed to admit that at one point I implied physical violence after she admitted that she might have had something to do with the faulty packing job. An offhand comment to a new employee resulted in the completely worthless paper bag packing job.
In the end, I was refunded the money that I spent on the packing ($60). The manager gave me a song and dance about the shipping fees and how the store was not a franchise, it was a corporate location and she could not offer refunds for the shipping in this situation. She also said that since I had not insured the packages that she was not liable for her employees eating them. I was apoplectic with rage and told her to, "eat a steaming pile of dogshit" and gave her a suggestion as to where she could find some. Then I left.*
I was enraged!
I was infuriated!
I left the store in a huff,
I let loose a mighty bellow!
I was sad!
I was mad!
I wanted to run in the buff,
I was indeed not mellow!
The truly disappointing part was that my cookies will never be tasted by judges and declared without doubt the winners for all time, all universes, and all realities. I was able to bring some to my other brother's, of indeterminate number, house for consumption by his family and my aunt. They all thought they were amazing and extremely impressed. My brother's mother in law, a grandmother, asked if I had used beer in the recipe, but if I had she didn't mind because they were excellent. My aunt, another grandmother, also said that these cookies were wonderful and was surprised that I had produced a cookie, if such a boring word can be used in the description of my creations, of such quality.
Since both of these women are grandmothers and since everyone agrees that grandma made the best cookies, I feel safe in declaring myself the Winner In Absentia of the Holiday Bake-Off 2007.
Sure, I Sound Informed and Smart
...and with a smile like mine, people really want to believe me. I could probably act the part of a talking head quite well. Could I live with myself if that were my life? Could I endure the knowledge that it was the confidence in my voice and the sincerity in my eyes that changed minds and won converts and not the strength of my arguments?
I doubt it. I feel bad enough that I just won a water cooler conversation with both traits and a smidgen of recent campaign news. I wouldn't mind being persuasive and influential, but I object to the manner by which I might achieve both.
I doubt it. I feel bad enough that I just won a water cooler conversation with both traits and a smidgen of recent campaign news. I wouldn't mind being persuasive and influential, but I object to the manner by which I might achieve both.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Music Post Coming, Seriously Guys, I Mean It This Time
I am unusually swamped at work and trying to do more with my evenings than get fatter and acquire more pieces of my Tier 4 gear. I am exercising regularly again which is nice and actually trying to amke dinner of some sort, instead of just buying ready made shit all the time.
All I have time to say right now is: go see Super Furry Animals if you get a chance. Make the chance to go see them.
All I have time to say right now is: go see Super Furry Animals if you get a chance. Make the chance to go see them.
Monday, January 28, 2008
So Now I Owe the Uncanny Canadian
He told me that I could not miss Holy Fuck, The Fiery Furnaces and Super Furry Animals. I feel like I have found something not at all hidden from me but I desperately missing nonetheless. I guess it's kinda like love, except I'm not able to feel that because of all the cold, dead tentacles.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Different Financial Situations in the District of Columbia
I make 41,000 dollars on the button, not counting my benefits which I have no idea how to calculate. We'll make a liberal assessment of my benefits and set them at 6,000, including the two courses my employer has payed for me to take. Maybe very liberal.
My debts: 5,700 in credit cards that all came from stupid shit I bought a while ago or plane tickets to weddings that I didn't pay off as fast as I should.
My monthly payments:
Cable/internet: $70
Cell phone: $95 (really need to cancel that bullshit Data Plan)
Auto/Renters Insurance: $38 ten months of the year
Electricity: $20 a month (compact flourescents and smart usage)
Rent: $850 for a 427 sq. ft. efficiency in the District (rent control means $875 on March 1st)
Taxes:
I dunno, maybe 30 or 35% of gross pay? Something like that. Unlike some fluffy cobagz, I don't mind paying my taxes because I understand what taxes allow. A lot of that I don't like, but that is why I try to change government without breaking the law.
School Debt:
Haven't been to grad school.
Basically, if you want to pay less than Aravosis and all his "friends" pay to live in the District, you can do it easily. I get the feeling that he lives rather high on the hog, since he claims somewhere around $1200 a month for rent/mortgage but since he keeps renaming or deleting the posts, we can't really ever know the truth. We also have a hard time determining the truth since he keeps breaking it into smaller and smaller pieces so as to make it invisible. All I'm saying is that I am fucking terrible with money (Evidence: have yet to file a tax return for, um, 2004) and if I were earning 75,000 dollars, I would have no debt and be considering either grad school or a trip to Europe or Tibet, while also saving for a house.
Maybe you just suck at life, Aravosis, as badly as you suck at taking valid criticism?
My debts: 5,700 in credit cards that all came from stupid shit I bought a while ago or plane tickets to weddings that I didn't pay off as fast as I should.
My monthly payments:
Cable/internet: $70
Cell phone: $95 (really need to cancel that bullshit Data Plan)
Auto/Renters Insurance: $38 ten months of the year
Electricity: $20 a month (compact flourescents and smart usage)
Rent: $850 for a 427 sq. ft. efficiency in the District (rent control means $875 on March 1st)
Taxes:
I dunno, maybe 30 or 35% of gross pay? Something like that. Unlike some fluffy cobagz, I don't mind paying my taxes because I understand what taxes allow. A lot of that I don't like, but that is why I try to change government without breaking the law.
School Debt:
Haven't been to grad school.
Basically, if you want to pay less than Aravosis and all his "friends" pay to live in the District, you can do it easily. I get the feeling that he lives rather high on the hog, since he claims somewhere around $1200 a month for rent/mortgage but since he keeps renaming or deleting the posts, we can't really ever know the truth. We also have a hard time determining the truth since he keeps breaking it into smaller and smaller pieces so as to make it invisible. All I'm saying is that I am fucking terrible with money (Evidence: have yet to file a tax return for, um, 2004) and if I were earning 75,000 dollars, I would have no debt and be considering either grad school or a trip to Europe or Tibet, while also saving for a house.
Maybe you just suck at life, Aravosis, as badly as you suck at taking valid criticism?
Friday, January 25, 2008
Your Friend is an Idiot but You're a Cobag, Aravosis
In DC, well, again, keep checking out those studios. And another friend has a 900 sq ft condo, and paid more for it than another friend's parents paid for their 6000 sq ft house.
That is a perfect example of something I have said for years, condos are overpriced. I could buy a house in Takoma Park for the prices morons pay for condos. If you really want to buy a condo, wait a bit. Keep saving your money. There are so many condos being finished in DC ever month and all of them are overpriced. Bid under. Like a hundred grand under and you'll likely still get an agent to accept a bid. There are buildings all over town with empty units.
Disecting your statement, I wonder if we can compare those two examples and locate any Emuteuronomy Particles. Your friend bought a 900 square foot condo and paid more than another friend's parents paid for a house TRIPLE the size of the one my parent's owned in Chevy Chase. I'm gonna call bullshit on this one as it reeks of emu and I can clearly see fluffy down all over it. First, appeals to your "friend" are shitty arguments. Second, there is no way your other "friend's parents" bought a 6000 square foot house for less inside the city limits of any city on the East Coast, except maybe waterfront property in New Orleans. A quick search using Our Internet Overlord for "6,000 square foot house for sale in Maryland" and another for "900 square foot condominium in DC" shows that you are so fucking wrong, it must hurt to be you. Unless your "friend" paid way over market and your "friend's parents" are living in Butt Fuck Egypt, there is no way that statement is true. And if that is the case, then your argument was made in poor faith as you are comparing two entirely different real estate markets.
As for the rest of your post, Aravosis, I am formally submitting a reclassification proposal the Board for Emu Identification, Oversight, Theory, Classification and Husbandry to have you relabeled a fluffy cobag. You have used the tools of the right-wing bloggers once too many times, Aravosis. Do not ask for whom the emu squawks, you squawk so that all may hear your squawking and know the sound of the former liberal consumed by selfishness and pride.
Friday Embarassing Music List to the Nth: January 25th
N. Madeleine Peyroux - Don't Cry Baby (everything to do with the Chucklette)
N+1. Johnny Cash - I'm Leaving Now (nothing to do with the Chucklette)
N+2. The Shins - Fighting in a Sack (not a reference to sweaters or the boli stuffing them)
N+3. Campo - En Mi/Soledad (from Bajofondo Tango Club, unlike other posers, I can actually tango the dress right off you, even you Billy Pilgrim)
N+4. Timo Maas - Eclipse (from Music for the Maases, a DJ set that I got because I liked his song with Kelis)
N+5. Glen Hansard - Leave (from the Once soundtrack, enough said)
N+6. Silver Jews - Honk If You're Lonely (from American Water, that album is nice for sober nights or less than sober nights)
N+7. Joan As Police Woman - Eternal Flame (um, what? Where did this come from?)
N+8. The Fiery Furnaces - Waiting to Know You (from the 930 Club show I missed in 2006 via Fluxblog, I am not missing their show this Sunday with Super Furry Animals!)
N+9. Ben Kweller - Lollipop (nice enough)
N+10. The Flaming Lips - Feeling Yourself Disintegrate (the spider bite song may annoy the Uncanny Canadian, but I still like the album)
N+11. Concrete Blonde - The Sky is a Poisonous Garden (I hope the next song makes up for this one)
N+12. Camera Obscura - Suspended from Class (phew!)
N+13. The Cherry Tempo - In Hindsight I Know (nice enough, I suppose I should check them out more)
N+14. Golden Smog - Shooting Star (from the Clerks soundtrack...we were all classless teenagers, once)
N+15. Guided By Voices - Buzzard and Dreadful Crows (live and not really that interesting)
N+16. Sontiago - Track 5 (Lady-rapping from Maine. Pretty good!)
N+17. DJ Shadow - What Does Your Soul Look Like Pt. 3 (William Hurt says it best)
N+18. Of Montreal - Vegan in Furs (I keep meaning to get the album with Bizarre Celebrations on it)
N+19. Caribou - After Hours (from Andorra)
N+20. Animal Collective - Bees (appropriately odd)
N+1. Johnny Cash - I'm Leaving Now (nothing to do with the Chucklette)
N+2. The Shins - Fighting in a Sack (not a reference to sweaters or the boli stuffing them)
N+3. Campo - En Mi/Soledad (from Bajofondo Tango Club, unlike other posers, I can actually tango the dress right off you, even you Billy Pilgrim)
N+4. Timo Maas - Eclipse (from Music for the Maases, a DJ set that I got because I liked his song with Kelis)
N+5. Glen Hansard - Leave (from the Once soundtrack, enough said)
N+6. Silver Jews - Honk If You're Lonely (from American Water, that album is nice for sober nights or less than sober nights)
N+7. Joan As Police Woman - Eternal Flame (um, what? Where did this come from?)
N+8. The Fiery Furnaces - Waiting to Know You (from the 930 Club show I missed in 2006 via Fluxblog, I am not missing their show this Sunday with Super Furry Animals!)
N+9. Ben Kweller - Lollipop (nice enough)
N+10. The Flaming Lips - Feeling Yourself Disintegrate (the spider bite song may annoy the Uncanny Canadian, but I still like the album)
N+11. Concrete Blonde - The Sky is a Poisonous Garden (I hope the next song makes up for this one)
N+12. Camera Obscura - Suspended from Class (phew!)
N+13. The Cherry Tempo - In Hindsight I Know (nice enough, I suppose I should check them out more)
N+14. Golden Smog - Shooting Star (from the Clerks soundtrack...we were all classless teenagers, once)
N+15. Guided By Voices - Buzzard and Dreadful Crows (live and not really that interesting)
N+16. Sontiago - Track 5 (Lady-rapping from Maine. Pretty good!)
N+17. DJ Shadow - What Does Your Soul Look Like Pt. 3 (William Hurt says it best)
N+18. Of Montreal - Vegan in Furs (I keep meaning to get the album with Bizarre Celebrations on it)
N+19. Caribou - After Hours (from Andorra)
N+20. Animal Collective - Bees (appropriately odd)
Full Frito, Now in Paperback and an Advance Warning
I could be wrong, but isn't that Smokedog on the cover?
Start saving people, this motorcycle is going on my birthday required-gift list. You failed last year, don't fail me again. Failure makes me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I take it out on your porcelain.
Start saving people, this motorcycle is going on my birthday required-gift list. You failed last year, don't fail me again. Failure makes me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. I take it out on your porcelain.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I Found Pictures of Pinko Punko's Tattoos
Pinko makes his allegiance known when lifting weights in his front lawn. I think he might have gone a little overboard with this one, though. Kinda tacky.
On a more serious note, this tattoo offends both my musical and editorial sensibilities. Is that Labatt's new pizza flavored micro-brew?
Check out the rest at, frequently unsafe for work, Horrible Tattoos.
UPDATE: Jenny found this and I like it.
On a more serious note, this tattoo offends both my musical and editorial sensibilities. Is that Labatt's new pizza flavored micro-brew?
Check out the rest at, frequently unsafe for work, Horrible Tattoos.
UPDATE: Jenny found this and I like it.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Review of Cloverfield
(This will be reposted at Reviews N Stuff should that site return.)
Cloverfield is what it is and what is is a monster movie told from the perspective of the most annoying, trustafarian New Yorkers you will ever want to see crushed by tons of falling building or eaten by bizarre tentacled monsters from beyond your imagination. It was not nearly as annoying as the trailers make it seem, but it was extremely shaky, so if you get nauseous, bring your dramamine. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and found almost all of it entertaining and startling.
Despite having a fun time and enjoying the movie, I found all of the characters except the camera man and the Zooey-Deschanel lookalike, Lizzy Caplan, to be extremely irritating. Rob was perfectly scruffy groomed and looked like he was maybe 25 and living in a million dollar apartment that was the epitome of trashy-chic. The fact that a man so self-absorbed would run headlong into danger for a woman he had mistreated was harder to believe than a giant monster from across the eighth dimension attacking New York. The only character I felt any connection with was Hud, the cameraman. He seemed like a basically nice guy that had been friends with Rob and Rob's brother since childhood and had been corrupted only slightly with their conceit. His identity was entirely wrapped around Rob and his motivation was well established. Rob's was less well established and it hurt the plot.
Speaking of the plot, I thought the basic human element of the story was weak. Summary without spoilers: Monster attacks city. Chaos ensues. Yuppie seeks to rescue girl he didn't call for weeks after sleeping with her. Rocks fall. People die. This rescue-the-babe plotline was the weakest part of the movie. I think the characters would have been far less annoying if they had just been running for their lives. As it is, it felt a lot like a first-person shooter videogame where you are unable to loot any guns and get blasting. The monster dictated a lot of the heroes' travel routes by savaging New York and the movie would have been better without the silly love motivation.
Other reviewers have said that that they felt that the monster seemed like it was conveniently after the characters. It did pretty much turn up everywhere they went, but it is important to remember that the group was heading toward the monster as it stomped all over midtown Manhatten. There are a few incidents that are just too damned coincidental for me to dismiss. It sorta felt like the monster was coming to New York because it got the e-vite to Rob's going away party and was just horribly clumsy as it attempted to chase Rob down to give him a big hug. And had the worst case of lice you have ever seen.
At this point, you might think I didn't like Cloverfield. I really did enjoy it. The extras were pitch perfect and the shots of the monster were stunning. This is the only movie I have seen that did not irritate me with the stupid shaky-cam. I am not prone to getting sick from this, even though I can get carsick quite easily. The shaky-camis used in a lot of TV shows and movies in which it is totally unnecessary. Cloverfield is the exact opposite. Hud is shooting the events because he thinks that people will want to know what happened and also because he sure doesn't seem to know what to do with himself without it.
The atmosphere of a city under attack from a giant thing is perfect. There were times when it looks a lot like the footage from 9/11 and this may be hard to deal with for some people. The papers blowing down from shredded office buildings and flaming debris everywhere was impressive. Every second of the movie felt genuine, except for the emoting and the obsessive monster attacks on our main characters. I felt submersed in the story, despite the occasional bounce on skeptic meter (the tunnel scene knocked me completely out of my suspended disbelief because it was ripped straight out of The Descent).
I recommend it to all monster movie fans with strong stomachs. If you are the kind of moron who must have everything explained to you in every movie, then you aren't going to enjoy it. If you don't like richer-than-thou yuppies, you will enjoy it.
Cloverfield is what it is and what is is a monster movie told from the perspective of the most annoying, trustafarian New Yorkers you will ever want to see crushed by tons of falling building or eaten by bizarre tentacled monsters from beyond your imagination. It was not nearly as annoying as the trailers make it seem, but it was extremely shaky, so if you get nauseous, bring your dramamine. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie and found almost all of it entertaining and startling.
Despite having a fun time and enjoying the movie, I found all of the characters except the camera man and the Zooey-Deschanel lookalike, Lizzy Caplan, to be extremely irritating. Rob was perfectly scruffy groomed and looked like he was maybe 25 and living in a million dollar apartment that was the epitome of trashy-chic. The fact that a man so self-absorbed would run headlong into danger for a woman he had mistreated was harder to believe than a giant monster from across the eighth dimension attacking New York. The only character I felt any connection with was Hud, the cameraman. He seemed like a basically nice guy that had been friends with Rob and Rob's brother since childhood and had been corrupted only slightly with their conceit. His identity was entirely wrapped around Rob and his motivation was well established. Rob's was less well established and it hurt the plot.
Speaking of the plot, I thought the basic human element of the story was weak. Summary without spoilers: Monster attacks city. Chaos ensues. Yuppie seeks to rescue girl he didn't call for weeks after sleeping with her. Rocks fall. People die. This rescue-the-babe plotline was the weakest part of the movie. I think the characters would have been far less annoying if they had just been running for their lives. As it is, it felt a lot like a first-person shooter videogame where you are unable to loot any guns and get blasting. The monster dictated a lot of the heroes' travel routes by savaging New York and the movie would have been better without the silly love motivation.
Other reviewers have said that that they felt that the monster seemed like it was conveniently after the characters. It did pretty much turn up everywhere they went, but it is important to remember that the group was heading toward the monster as it stomped all over midtown Manhatten. There are a few incidents that are just too damned coincidental for me to dismiss. It sorta felt like the monster was coming to New York because it got the e-vite to Rob's going away party and was just horribly clumsy as it attempted to chase Rob down to give him a big hug. And had the worst case of lice you have ever seen.
At this point, you might think I didn't like Cloverfield. I really did enjoy it. The extras were pitch perfect and the shots of the monster were stunning. This is the only movie I have seen that did not irritate me with the stupid shaky-cam. I am not prone to getting sick from this, even though I can get carsick quite easily. The shaky-camis used in a lot of TV shows and movies in which it is totally unnecessary. Cloverfield is the exact opposite. Hud is shooting the events because he thinks that people will want to know what happened and also because he sure doesn't seem to know what to do with himself without it.
The atmosphere of a city under attack from a giant thing is perfect. There were times when it looks a lot like the footage from 9/11 and this may be hard to deal with for some people. The papers blowing down from shredded office buildings and flaming debris everywhere was impressive. Every second of the movie felt genuine, except for the emoting and the obsessive monster attacks on our main characters. I felt submersed in the story, despite the occasional bounce on skeptic meter (the tunnel scene knocked me completely out of my suspended disbelief because it was ripped straight out of The Descent).
I recommend it to all monster movie fans with strong stomachs. If you are the kind of moron who must have everything explained to you in every movie, then you aren't going to enjoy it. If you don't like richer-than-thou yuppies, you will enjoy it.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Errors in Logic, Additional Pantload Edition
"As much as it may shock some, I'm not the first person to set the record straight. Maybe those authors didn't penetrate the public debate because they tend to write books titled "Illiberal Policymaking and Culture Formation, the Anglo-American Experience, 1912-2007." If I'd followed their example, no one would be buying my book, reading it or discussing it. And, you can be sure, I wouldn't have been invited on to "The Daily Show" to get smacked around for 20 minutes."
Jonah, you didn't get smacked around for twenty minutes on A Daily Show because you wrote a brave and thoroughly researched historical treatise that blows wide the conspiracy of neo-classical, liberal-inspired, free-market fascism or however the fuck you choose to rebrand progressive politics. You were verbally beat down because you wrote a steaming pile of soggy garbage that flies merrily on your own gaseous emissions and completely in the face of the facts. Your entire book is a longer version of the playground "I know you are but what am I" defense. You redefine liberal more times in your book and that interview than Michael Jackson has redefined his nose.
If you had performed due diligence and written a piece of historical analysis with sources and citations worth the paper they were printed on, you would have written a very different book indeed. I suspect that you also would have been treatd very differently by Jon Stewart. However, you chose instead to rely on conjecture, assertions and Harry Turtledove's alternative historical fiction. This would be fine were you writing a piece of fanfiction, but your book remains a sad and pathetic attempt at rebranding your political adversaries.
P.S. Your claim that many critics of your book have no authority or insufficient credentials to discredit your book is patently false. You have received no advanced degrees and are not fit to include yourself in the ranks of any scholarly cadres.
Jonah, you didn't get smacked around for twenty minutes on A Daily Show because you wrote a brave and thoroughly researched historical treatise that blows wide the conspiracy of neo-classical, liberal-inspired, free-market fascism or however the fuck you choose to rebrand progressive politics. You were verbally beat down because you wrote a steaming pile of soggy garbage that flies merrily on your own gaseous emissions and completely in the face of the facts. Your entire book is a longer version of the playground "I know you are but what am I" defense. You redefine liberal more times in your book and that interview than Michael Jackson has redefined his nose.
If you had performed due diligence and written a piece of historical analysis with sources and citations worth the paper they were printed on, you would have written a very different book indeed. I suspect that you also would have been treatd very differently by Jon Stewart. However, you chose instead to rely on conjecture, assertions and Harry Turtledove's alternative historical fiction. This would be fine were you writing a piece of fanfiction, but your book remains a sad and pathetic attempt at rebranding your political adversaries.
P.S. Your claim that many critics of your book have no authority or insufficient credentials to discredit your book is patently false. You have received no advanced degrees and are not fit to include yourself in the ranks of any scholarly cadres.
Tarantula Tuesday: Brief Post on Science Fiction
I really enjoy science fiction, as a genre and a guiding principle. I don't know what that means either as my brain functions have been compromised by what I hope is a simple ear infection and not one of the sandworms from Ceti Alpha Five. I don't need anyone planting simple suggestions in my brain and then letting me die off because I am only a tanshirt in my mind and in reality we all know that I am probably the reddist of redshirts. If you've ever played paintball with me, you'd know exactly what I mean. If you weren't raised by a family of volcanic rocks, you'd know exactly what I mean and I mean that I don't know where I'm going with this at all.
I will continue to let this post grow later in the day. For now, I forgot where I was in the stream and have lost sight of the banks and I think it's salt water which is impeding my analysis of the chapter and verse of my head. I think I just got back on track but I must leave you anyway. I have a meeting to attend which should be pretty outstanding and if I had a video camera, it would be the highest viewed youtuber minutes after being posted. I think I am expected to talk about something, which is nice since something is a topic about which I can blather on all the live long fucking day.
The thing about caffeine is that it frees you of something you may not want in you, like all other drugs. This one just happens to be legal although if the authorities knew what I was doing with it, they probably would ban it. I say that because Lenny Bruce had a point, as do many other fucking nut job right wingers, making yourself think that someone is after you vindicates those feelings of paranoia and self-importance that totally irrelevant and unimportant people feel to make themselves feel better about their totally anonymous and hopeless lives. Like when I was talking to some people in my first freshman year about how they just frigging knew that the FBI was keeping tabs on them1 because of their involvement in the BXXXX Science Fiction and Fantasy Association. I wasn't really talking, I was listening and trying to figure out how I could politely leave that boring conversation without resorting to shooting them in the communicator with a laser rifle or something. Eventually I just walked away from them, but later I learned to fling poop at people and they never bothered me again. What's good for the alpha male and all that. As someone who has actually received a variety of levels government clearances, I have no authority to tell people that the FBI cares about them. It's a fucking science fiction club, not Boy Scout Troop U-238.2 But these were the sort of people who thought the X-Files was the nightly news, so I guess everyone deserves their daydreams. I think I would throw myself off a bridge if I learned that I had lost the capacity to daydream.
That's basically all a role-playing game is, a collective day dream. Some people get together to watch sports, some people get together to talk sports, and some people get together to kidnap a rival corporation's agent, interrogate said agent in a situation involving moral ambiguities3, and then use the gathered information to steal a shuttle and destroy a transport ship of the previously mentioned corporation.
Despite the fact that society is currently undergoing the longest length of time4 without a new episode of Star Trek, this does not mean that we are completely bereft of science fiction. It does mean that the lazy geeks among us are left only with World of Warcraft, the H4LOEZ, EVE online, Surpreme Commander, Mass Effect, Bioshock, endless DVDs, new movies every month that kinda suck and are kinda cool, but that is basically the problem. It isn't that there isn't any new science fiction or that there isn't any easy to get good science fiction, it's that we're all fucking lazy. Role playing games are not easy to coordinate in my life. I am ready to go whenever, but other people in my group have wives, children, cars, orchids, dogs, overtime, taxes, and I have the World of Warcraft which consumes a set amount of time. While it may be fun, the last few weeks I have logged on, I have done exactly the same fucking thing. I do the same couple of quests to get fucking imaginary money to spend on imaginary fucking shit.5 I can pretty much only play on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the odd Sunday morning or Friday, but I can only afford to play the game anymore. I rationalize staying at home because I don't have any money to go out on Friday night. So help me Butterscotch Buddha, if the National Gallery of Art were open on a Friday night, I would go down there and stare at a different painting every Friday for hours on end until I could do nothing but write about it. I don't know if you would want to read that or even if I would, but I think that would be amazing. Maybe I'll do that this Saturday and maybe I'll sprout wings and leave this silent planet.6
Does it matter if Hollywood can't make a decent scifi movie to save the industry and genre? Do we really need science fiction on television? Are we so bereft of imagination that we can not survive without some other person's idea of what the 24th century will be? Are we capable of surviving without Gil Gerard's Awesomely Hairy Chest? If not, I volunteer to be the next to assume the mantle of Buck Rogers. I have all the credentials necessary: cheesy lines, humorously mild chauvanism, full chest of hair, wavy do, thumbs.
There are plenty of decent authors out there and even more less then decent. I, myself and me continue to not write my screenplays while I sit around notwriting dozens of books. Hell, if you want to get all interesting, you can get some friends together and waste some alien rebel scum with a pulse cannon in a game of Battlelords of the 23rd Century. Or perhaps an implosion field cannon-thingy. If you want to know what war will look like in the future, this is it, despite the fact that war never changes.7
There's also Spycraft for those that like their science fiction with a different flavor. Basically, if you don't like the science fiction that is being created by other folks for your easy consumption, make some yourself. That's the best way to cook anyway, toss the recipe into the shredder and throw random ingredients together until you have something that hopefully doesn't make you sick and tastes better than ramen. Also, don't bother reading EW, they wouldn't know decent science fiction if it walked up and sucked out their brains.
1 These days, however, if someone said it was the NSA, I'd just hang up.
2 That troop wins the Golden Matchstick every year for fastest fire lighting. Unfortunately, the last three jamboree areas were designated Superfund sites.
3 Everyone in the group looked at me when we learned we might have to interrogate the agent. I looked at Aristotle and he told me exactly what you think he told me. Not you, you're wrong, but you other people, you're right. I might have imagined this whole scenario, but that is the thing about RPGs. And caffeine.
4 This may or may not be true, I really don't care to verify it.
5 Cue Inevitable Backlash Music
6 Double reference to Christian Mythology on a Triple-Score Self-Deprecating Tile means I phail at life.
7 Turns out I know someone working on press sorta stuff on Fallout 3. I did a huge geekgasm when I found out. I won't break any confidence and neither will my friend, but I hope to view some content soon. I also retain hope that I will be able to waste some mutants on my lawn or cruise by my old video store and vaporize the ruins with a suped-up energy weapon.
I will continue to let this post grow later in the day. For now, I forgot where I was in the stream and have lost sight of the banks and I think it's salt water which is impeding my analysis of the chapter and verse of my head. I think I just got back on track but I must leave you anyway. I have a meeting to attend which should be pretty outstanding and if I had a video camera, it would be the highest viewed youtuber minutes after being posted. I think I am expected to talk about something, which is nice since something is a topic about which I can blather on all the live long fucking day.
The thing about caffeine is that it frees you of something you may not want in you, like all other drugs. This one just happens to be legal although if the authorities knew what I was doing with it, they probably would ban it. I say that because Lenny Bruce had a point, as do many other fucking nut job right wingers, making yourself think that someone is after you vindicates those feelings of paranoia and self-importance that totally irrelevant and unimportant people feel to make themselves feel better about their totally anonymous and hopeless lives. Like when I was talking to some people in my first freshman year about how they just frigging knew that the FBI was keeping tabs on them1 because of their involvement in the BXXXX Science Fiction and Fantasy Association. I wasn't really talking, I was listening and trying to figure out how I could politely leave that boring conversation without resorting to shooting them in the communicator with a laser rifle or something. Eventually I just walked away from them, but later I learned to fling poop at people and they never bothered me again. What's good for the alpha male and all that. As someone who has actually received a variety of levels government clearances, I have no authority to tell people that the FBI cares about them. It's a fucking science fiction club, not Boy Scout Troop U-238.2 But these were the sort of people who thought the X-Files was the nightly news, so I guess everyone deserves their daydreams. I think I would throw myself off a bridge if I learned that I had lost the capacity to daydream.
That's basically all a role-playing game is, a collective day dream. Some people get together to watch sports, some people get together to talk sports, and some people get together to kidnap a rival corporation's agent, interrogate said agent in a situation involving moral ambiguities3, and then use the gathered information to steal a shuttle and destroy a transport ship of the previously mentioned corporation.
Despite the fact that society is currently undergoing the longest length of time4 without a new episode of Star Trek, this does not mean that we are completely bereft of science fiction. It does mean that the lazy geeks among us are left only with World of Warcraft, the H4LOEZ, EVE online, Surpreme Commander, Mass Effect, Bioshock, endless DVDs, new movies every month that kinda suck and are kinda cool, but that is basically the problem. It isn't that there isn't any new science fiction or that there isn't any easy to get good science fiction, it's that we're all fucking lazy. Role playing games are not easy to coordinate in my life. I am ready to go whenever, but other people in my group have wives, children, cars, orchids, dogs, overtime, taxes, and I have the World of Warcraft which consumes a set amount of time. While it may be fun, the last few weeks I have logged on, I have done exactly the same fucking thing. I do the same couple of quests to get fucking imaginary money to spend on imaginary fucking shit.5 I can pretty much only play on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the odd Sunday morning or Friday, but I can only afford to play the game anymore. I rationalize staying at home because I don't have any money to go out on Friday night. So help me Butterscotch Buddha, if the National Gallery of Art were open on a Friday night, I would go down there and stare at a different painting every Friday for hours on end until I could do nothing but write about it. I don't know if you would want to read that or even if I would, but I think that would be amazing. Maybe I'll do that this Saturday and maybe I'll sprout wings and leave this silent planet.6
Does it matter if Hollywood can't make a decent scifi movie to save the industry and genre? Do we really need science fiction on television? Are we so bereft of imagination that we can not survive without some other person's idea of what the 24th century will be? Are we capable of surviving without Gil Gerard's Awesomely Hairy Chest? If not, I volunteer to be the next to assume the mantle of Buck Rogers. I have all the credentials necessary: cheesy lines, humorously mild chauvanism, full chest of hair, wavy do, thumbs.
There are plenty of decent authors out there and even more less then decent. I, myself and me continue to not write my screenplays while I sit around notwriting dozens of books. Hell, if you want to get all interesting, you can get some friends together and waste some alien rebel scum with a pulse cannon in a game of Battlelords of the 23rd Century. Or perhaps an implosion field cannon-thingy. If you want to know what war will look like in the future, this is it, despite the fact that war never changes.7
There's also Spycraft for those that like their science fiction with a different flavor. Basically, if you don't like the science fiction that is being created by other folks for your easy consumption, make some yourself. That's the best way to cook anyway, toss the recipe into the shredder and throw random ingredients together until you have something that hopefully doesn't make you sick and tastes better than ramen. Also, don't bother reading EW, they wouldn't know decent science fiction if it walked up and sucked out their brains.
1 These days, however, if someone said it was the NSA, I'd just hang up.
2 That troop wins the Golden Matchstick every year for fastest fire lighting. Unfortunately, the last three jamboree areas were designated Superfund sites.
3 Everyone in the group looked at me when we learned we might have to interrogate the agent. I looked at Aristotle and he told me exactly what you think he told me. Not you, you're wrong, but you other people, you're right. I might have imagined this whole scenario, but that is the thing about RPGs. And caffeine.
4 This may or may not be true, I really don't care to verify it.
5 Cue Inevitable Backlash Music
6 Double reference to Christian Mythology on a Triple-Score Self-Deprecating Tile means I phail at life.
7 Turns out I know someone working on press sorta stuff on Fallout 3. I did a huge geekgasm when I found out. I won't break any confidence and neither will my friend, but I hope to view some content soon. I also retain hope that I will be able to waste some mutants on my lawn or cruise by my old video store and vaporize the ruins with a suped-up energy weapon.
Singing in the Brain
I wrote a post for Song of the Day. It's probably being sexed up by the Pinko love machine, but it remains hidden and unsexed by the greater public. Rather like a wang that might be mentioned all too often by other bloggers.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Been Said Before
But I'll say it again. If you aren't out there shoveling your walk and sections of sidewalks after the snow stops, you're a jerk. If you are sitting at home enjoying a nice cup of piping hot cider while your sidewalk turns into a sheet of ice, you're a cobag. You're also liable.
The people in my neighborhood really suck. I'm keeping my eye out for new housing as my lease ends on March 1. I like my apartment and some of my neighbors, but I think I would like more space, even if it meant more roommates. They will have to be spider-friendly roommates.
The people in my neighborhood really suck. I'm keeping my eye out for new housing as my lease ends on March 1. I like my apartment and some of my neighbors, but I think I would like more space, even if it meant more roommates. They will have to be spider-friendly roommates.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Library of Congress Has a Flickr Account
DCist used one of the Library of Congress' photographs as their photo of the day for today. This is a pretty damn neat idea and there are already more than 3000 photos online. I thought this picture of a woman inspecting widgets was pretty. The Library is a wonderful resource that I had never used until my current job. It is a lot like all the wonderful free museums that I rarely visit in town.
I did spend a lovely day yesterday strolling through the National Gallery of Art. I wish I had every Wednesday off to wander at my own pace and absorb centuries of art. The Edward Hopper show is great and leaving town soon, so check that out before it leaves.
I was also able to check a new-ish set of exhibits at the Air and Space Museum, which I thought was the Aaron Space Museum until I was twelve. The have a neat section devoted to the history of commercial flight. I got to ride in a simulator and turn do some barrel rolls and not throw up. Hanging upside-down and attempting to maintain a missile lock is damn hard.
Thanks for inviting me to enjoy the art with you, Social Security Administion. You know who you are.
I did spend a lovely day yesterday strolling through the National Gallery of Art. I wish I had every Wednesday off to wander at my own pace and absorb centuries of art. The Edward Hopper show is great and leaving town soon, so check that out before it leaves.
I was also able to check a new-ish set of exhibits at the Air and Space Museum, which I thought was the Aaron Space Museum until I was twelve. The have a neat section devoted to the history of commercial flight. I got to ride in a simulator and turn do some barrel rolls and not throw up. Hanging upside-down and attempting to maintain a missile lock is damn hard.
Thanks for inviting me to enjoy the art with you, Social Security Administion. You know who you are.
X-Files Movie Still
As a devoted fan who dropped this series like a bad habit when it went off into the mushroom fantasy land, I am barely interested in this. Gillian Anderson still has my heart and I want it back. It's nice to see the agents exploring their wardrobes but unless this movie is really cool and features a beach scene, I doubt I'll care about what they're wearing.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Liveblogging A Daily Show Interview with Jonah "Pantload" Goldberg
Jonah: I iz a liar.
Jon Stewart: You're a cobag and actively hurting America.
Jonah: I iz a rhetorician.
Jon Stewart: Your kind killed Socrates, cobag.
Jonah: I iz kinda lazy.
Jon Stewart: Progressive does not mean racist.
Jonah: I iz a lying, lazy rhetorician who writed a stupid book that pays no attention to factz because I not like reading. Can I haz a cheezburger nao?
Jon Stewart: Shaking your hand is not an excusal of your rampant cobaggery.
And now I go back to not watching television in solidarity with the writers.
Addendum: I kinda wish I was working at a video store and Jonah Goldberg wandered in looking to rent some porn. Of course, his idea of porn is probably something like this, so...
"Free Market Classical Liberalism"...what the fuck? He is just sitting there saying, "Don't call me a fascist because I don't like being called a word that I don't know and won't look up."
Jon Stewart: You're a cobag and actively hurting America.
Jonah: I iz a rhetorician.
Jon Stewart: Your kind killed Socrates, cobag.
Jonah: I iz kinda lazy.
Jon Stewart: Progressive does not mean racist.
Jonah: I iz a lying, lazy rhetorician who writed a stupid book that pays no attention to factz because I not like reading. Can I haz a cheezburger nao?
Jon Stewart: Shaking your hand is not an excusal of your rampant cobaggery.
And now I go back to not watching television in solidarity with the writers.
Addendum: I kinda wish I was working at a video store and Jonah Goldberg wandered in looking to rent some porn. Of course, his idea of porn is probably something like this, so...
"Free Market Classical Liberalism"...what the fuck? He is just sitting there saying, "Don't call me a fascist because I don't like being called a word that I don't know and won't look up."
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
You're Doing It Wrong
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull keeps sneaking little glances out for those who are looking. Here is a picture of Indy and folks looking at something marvelous, except for Shia Lebouf who is busy staring at Meganfoxatron. She is so hot, an afterimage of her leaning over Bumblebee's engine was burned into his retinas. And mine, for that matter. DAMN!
Ahem. Some of you might know that I studied anthropology in college, when I wasn't busy flunking computer science courses or scraping out passing grades in philosophy through sheer charm and wit, and I can safely say that this makes me some kind of expert in some forms of pottery. I am fairly certain, I will be checking my text books, that those are most definitely not Mayan or Aztec styles in those brass? gold? pots in that picture. The arch isn't bad and the alligators or whatever aren't too off either, but those urn-thingies are far too Greek. I'm sorry but you're going to have to fix that and reshoot the entire sequence, Spielberg.
Ahem. Some of you might know that I studied anthropology in college, when I wasn't busy flunking computer science courses or scraping out passing grades in philosophy through sheer charm and wit, and I can safely say that this makes me some kind of expert in some forms of pottery. I am fairly certain, I will be checking my text books, that those are most definitely not Mayan or Aztec styles in those brass? gold? pots in that picture. The arch isn't bad and the alligators or whatever aren't too off either, but those urn-thingies are far too Greek. I'm sorry but you're going to have to fix that and reshoot the entire sequence, Spielberg.
Review of Juno
Well, I was going to post this on Reviews N Stuff, but that satellite of Well Rounded Nerds seems to have gone away for the time being. I'll repost this over there, once it comes back up.
I read somewhere on CHUD that Juno is the movie that Little Miss Sunshine really wanted to be. It's earnest, clever, funny and authentically emotional in the same way that LMS was but Ellen Page1 pulls off something that everyone in LMS wasn't quite able to do, except maybe Allen Arkin. If LMS had come out this summer, it would have had Michael Cera in it, too. In case you've been living in Tora Bora and been too busy YouTubing yourself, Juno is a story about a stupendously hip high school girl who gets all with child.
The dialogue is snappy, slick, funny and trendy, almost too trendy. The first five minutes of the film worried me because everything the people were saying was a perfect example of cool for the Oughts. Listening to this was like watching The Breakfast Club for the first time again and thinking, "Damn, I don't think I'll ever be able to say any of this and I'm okay with that." I think Diablo Cody went to the same high school as Happy Harry Hard-On in Pump Up the Volume and has lived in every cool kid movie since. Or maybe she only ever hangs out with people who say "wizard" and "boss" ironically so often that they've gone from being ironic to being moronic. It's funny how one little phoneme can make all the difference.
Despite this grating early segment2, Juno quickly moves into funny and emotional scenes that never stoop to hystrionics or cheap jokes. Juno's matter of fact style was a little odd and at times she seemed more like a 27 year-old hipster than a 17 year-old student but it worked anyway. The scenes with her family were foundation enough for this character that the rest of the movie felt genuine. I particularly enjoyed the transformation of Jennifer Garner's character.
J.K. Simmons was damn convincing in some ways but I was surprised that he wasn't angry at any point. Maybe that would have been a little too trope-y but the uber-understanding father is the new thing with which generations of writers are familiar. Maybe this is some sort of generational thing with fathers, one generation is permanently pissed, the next is absent, the following is supportive and then the next is cybergenic. Michael Cera was essentially window dressing except for a couple scenes but the movie isn't titled "Bleeker." Jason Bateman was just right.
I think movies like Juno both hit and miss when you watch them and think, "Shit, everyone is cool and supportive or loving and generally awesome that I would love to be a pregnant teenager in this world!" It is fun to watch and you don't feel pandered to but it's a little too much better than life could ever be. Maybe that's the point though. A scene featuring some couples auditioning for the baby would probably have sunk deep into cheap laugh territory and an angry dad scene would not have fit with the rest of that character's scenes.
If I had managed to get this posted back in December when I saw the movie, I'd be telling you to go see it before your cool friends tell you to go see it.
1 Honestly? I'm still frightened of Ellen Page after Hard Candy.
2 What the fuck is up with Rainn Wilson? Is he her friend or buddy or something? Who the fuck talks like that to some random teenagers at the corner store? I guess they were friends or something before but it makes no sense and you never see him again and feels like some producer was like "I COMMAND THAT YOU MAKE ME LAUGH MORE. BRING IN SOMEONE FROM THE OFFICE OR SOMETHING."
I read somewhere on CHUD that Juno is the movie that Little Miss Sunshine really wanted to be. It's earnest, clever, funny and authentically emotional in the same way that LMS was but Ellen Page1 pulls off something that everyone in LMS wasn't quite able to do, except maybe Allen Arkin. If LMS had come out this summer, it would have had Michael Cera in it, too. In case you've been living in Tora Bora and been too busy YouTubing yourself, Juno is a story about a stupendously hip high school girl who gets all with child.
The dialogue is snappy, slick, funny and trendy, almost too trendy. The first five minutes of the film worried me because everything the people were saying was a perfect example of cool for the Oughts. Listening to this was like watching The Breakfast Club for the first time again and thinking, "Damn, I don't think I'll ever be able to say any of this and I'm okay with that." I think Diablo Cody went to the same high school as Happy Harry Hard-On in Pump Up the Volume and has lived in every cool kid movie since. Or maybe she only ever hangs out with people who say "wizard" and "boss" ironically so often that they've gone from being ironic to being moronic. It's funny how one little phoneme can make all the difference.
Despite this grating early segment2, Juno quickly moves into funny and emotional scenes that never stoop to hystrionics or cheap jokes. Juno's matter of fact style was a little odd and at times she seemed more like a 27 year-old hipster than a 17 year-old student but it worked anyway. The scenes with her family were foundation enough for this character that the rest of the movie felt genuine. I particularly enjoyed the transformation of Jennifer Garner's character.
J.K. Simmons was damn convincing in some ways but I was surprised that he wasn't angry at any point. Maybe that would have been a little too trope-y but the uber-understanding father is the new thing with which generations of writers are familiar. Maybe this is some sort of generational thing with fathers, one generation is permanently pissed, the next is absent, the following is supportive and then the next is cybergenic. Michael Cera was essentially window dressing except for a couple scenes but the movie isn't titled "Bleeker." Jason Bateman was just right.
I think movies like Juno both hit and miss when you watch them and think, "Shit, everyone is cool and supportive or loving and generally awesome that I would love to be a pregnant teenager in this world!" It is fun to watch and you don't feel pandered to but it's a little too much better than life could ever be. Maybe that's the point though. A scene featuring some couples auditioning for the baby would probably have sunk deep into cheap laugh territory and an angry dad scene would not have fit with the rest of that character's scenes.
If I had managed to get this posted back in December when I saw the movie, I'd be telling you to go see it before your cool friends tell you to go see it.
1 Honestly? I'm still frightened of Ellen Page after Hard Candy.
2 What the fuck is up with Rainn Wilson? Is he her friend or buddy or something? Who the fuck talks like that to some random teenagers at the corner store? I guess they were friends or something before but it makes no sense and you never see him again and feels like some producer was like "I COMMAND THAT YOU MAKE ME LAUGH MORE. BRING IN SOMEONE FROM THE OFFICE OR SOMETHING."
That Tears It
I can no longer live without seeing ItNotK:aDST. I am changing my plans and seeing this tonight at 7:10 at the Courthouse theater. I know that this means trekking into Virginia but nothing could impede my enjoyment of this movie. Will Sanderson, I wish I had even vaster internet fame because I would love to interview you about working with the Master. I don't want to interview the master himself because he knows how to box, not that any interview I would conduct with Mr. Sanderson would end in violence.
ADDED on Tuesday, Jan. 15th: I wish I had thought of this review style first. I did one of these for Red Dawn a while back, but don't want to look like a choad for self-linkage.
ADDED on Tuesday, Jan. 15th: I wish I had thought of this review style first. I did one of these for Red Dawn a while back, but don't want to look like a choad for self-linkage.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Musclehead: Still a Huge Dipshit.
He's still a cobag, but that is not new. Kevin McCullough makes it pretty clear in his oh-so-cleverly named post that he really just doesn't give a fuck about free expression or raising his own children:
"I hear the libertarian Ron Paul's answer already, "Government has no business censoring freedom of expression." Figures, he's a libertarian."
Don't want your kids playing Mass Effect? Don't buy them a $400 (or whatever an XBOX 360 costs these days) game system. I don't really find this to be a great argument against his pathetic whining that other people included an alien sex scenes in a video games (I wonder what he thought of Aliens VS Predator: Requiem?) but it ought to be said that no one is forcing him or his son to play this game. A point of information: according to our Constitution, Musclehead Moron, our government shall not abridge the freedom of speech. Figures, he's a radio host.
"With it's 'over the net' capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away."
Dude, check out 4chan. Rape-porn is already a click away and free. I personally find it fucking horrible and vile and would like to beat the jerk who rickrolled me on that one, but I still acknowledge that I clicked a link I felt to be suspect and will never go back there again. That does not mean that I want to destroy that site, but it does definitely mean that I would have a long talk with my hypothetical spawn should I find her/him looking at porn of any kind.
Another point that hides below the surface of his post is Kevin's complete disinterest in his son's life until he notices something he doesn't like. I think you spend too much time talking and not enough time listening, Kev-bo. Parenting is not just signing checks and buying shit.
"Yes there will be many snickers that I decided to bring this issue up in the Presidential cycle of 2008 but how refreshing would it be for a President to prove to the nation that his own manhood was not in question and put his pen and signature to a bill that dealt with such simulated sex excess in a way that was punitive to its creators to such a degree that they would never recover from it?"
I think Kevin is demanding that the candidates run around chili-whipping and cock-slapping Bioware employees until they submit to some sort of morality review board. I guess someone had to pick up Jeff Goldstein's slack.
UPDATE 1/17/07: Penny Arcade does it again. Tycho and Gabe make excellent points. I probably should stick to a policy of ignoring hacks and shills like McCullough, but I'm not famous like they are, so I'll keep bashing these idiots when I feel like it. Or when I stumble upon a deliciously stupid piece like this one.
"I hear the libertarian Ron Paul's answer already, "Government has no business censoring freedom of expression." Figures, he's a libertarian."
Don't want your kids playing Mass Effect? Don't buy them a $400 (or whatever an XBOX 360 costs these days) game system. I don't really find this to be a great argument against his pathetic whining that other people included an alien sex scenes in a video games (I wonder what he thought of Aliens VS Predator: Requiem?) but it ought to be said that no one is forcing him or his son to play this game. A point of information: according to our Constitution, Musclehead Moron, our government shall not abridge the freedom of speech. Figures, he's a radio host.
"With it's 'over the net' capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away."
Dude, check out 4chan. Rape-porn is already a click away and free. I personally find it fucking horrible and vile and would like to beat the jerk who rickrolled me on that one, but I still acknowledge that I clicked a link I felt to be suspect and will never go back there again. That does not mean that I want to destroy that site, but it does definitely mean that I would have a long talk with my hypothetical spawn should I find her/him looking at porn of any kind.
Another point that hides below the surface of his post is Kevin's complete disinterest in his son's life until he notices something he doesn't like. I think you spend too much time talking and not enough time listening, Kev-bo. Parenting is not just signing checks and buying shit.
"Yes there will be many snickers that I decided to bring this issue up in the Presidential cycle of 2008 but how refreshing would it be for a President to prove to the nation that his own manhood was not in question and put his pen and signature to a bill that dealt with such simulated sex excess in a way that was punitive to its creators to such a degree that they would never recover from it?"
I think Kevin is demanding that the candidates run around chili-whipping and cock-slapping Bioware employees until they submit to some sort of morality review board. I guess someone had to pick up Jeff Goldstein's slack.
UPDATE 1/17/07: Penny Arcade does it again. Tycho and Gabe make excellent points. I probably should stick to a policy of ignoring hacks and shills like McCullough, but I'm not famous like they are, so I'll keep bashing these idiots when I feel like it. Or when I stumble upon a deliciously stupid piece like this one.
And now for something almost exactly the same...
I have been waiting to buy some RiffTrax since hearing about it from dontEATnachos a while back. There are now quite a few available and I already own several of the movies for which there are tracks, so I am going to buy a couple after I figure out my finances for the month.
I was also just informed of a similar venture being run by Joel Hodgson, Cinematic Titanic. And now I must find room in my 'budget' for this, too.
I use scary quotes here because my financial life has nothing remotely similar to a budget, wherein a person decides how to spend their money in a careful and deliberated manner, and also because my financial situation is frigging scary to anyone with any experience with money. Even a 16 year old kid with a paper route and no expenses would be scared shitless by my operating budget.
I was also just informed of a similar venture being run by Joel Hodgson, Cinematic Titanic. And now I must find room in my 'budget' for this, too.
I use scary quotes here because my financial life has nothing remotely similar to a budget, wherein a person decides how to spend their money in a careful and deliberated manner, and also because my financial situation is frigging scary to anyone with any experience with money. Even a 16 year old kid with a paper route and no expenses would be scared shitless by my operating budget.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Forgotten Post
I forgot why I opened a blank post. Oh well, let me list some of the developing stories Chuckles and Company is working on for the eleven o'clock broadcast:
Top Nine Albums of 2007 (really just a list of albums I bought since I only bought nine)
Review of Juno
Review of Aliens V Predator: Requiem
List of Movies a Person Should Watch (really just a reference list for someone)
Discussion of Uwe Boll (neither agent of the apocalypse or Ed Wood reincarnated but as a cinematic genius)
Review of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Movie (Can't Frigging Wait)
The Return of Western Thought Wednesday (as demanded by a Girl Like Me and Unknown Fashion/Costume Designer Friend of the Genius)
Grand Opening of New Memberships for Friends of the Genius (at new 2008 rates!)
Top Nine Albums of 2007 (really just a list of albums I bought since I only bought nine)
Review of Juno
Review of Aliens V Predator: Requiem
List of Movies a Person Should Watch (really just a reference list for someone)
Discussion of Uwe Boll (neither agent of the apocalypse or Ed Wood reincarnated but as a cinematic genius)
Review of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Movie (Can't Frigging Wait)
The Return of Western Thought Wednesday (as demanded by a Girl Like Me and Unknown Fashion/Costume Designer Friend of the Genius)
Grand Opening of New Memberships for Friends of the Genius (at new 2008 rates!)
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
I Frigging Love Uwe Boll
The more I learn about him, the more I love him. I present a link dump that sumarizes all of the reasons I love Uwe Boll:
Something Awful: Behind the scenes on the Alone in the Dark scriptwriting process
CHUD Forums thread on In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Movie by Uwe Boll
International Trailer for same
Wired critics berated for trashing Postal
Wired article about Boll's bellicose beating of beraters
Something Awful: Behind the scenes on the Alone in the Dark scriptwriting process
CHUD Forums thread on In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Movie by Uwe Boll
International Trailer for same
Wired critics berated for trashing Postal
Wired article about Boll's bellicose beating of beraters
News Analysis: The You All Suck Edition
I was doing some research for work a couple weeks ago and saw this headline at Time, "Obama's Foreign Policy Problem."
That is pretty negative. A problem is bad, it weighs on you and interrupts your thinking, disturbs your calm. Look at the picture, Obama looks so concerned, pensive, and probably worried about his problem. A problem is something that takes you below the baseline and beating it only returns you to average. A challenge is different. A challenge is something that is overcome and you are a better person for taking it on. A challenge is something that you meet and defeat that maybe other people can't. Why wasn't the headline "Obama's Foreign Policy Challenge." Obama is going above the average citizen and accepting the challenging responsibilities of the presidency but the author went with problem instead of challenge. Go back and read the title as "Obama's Foreign Policy Challenge" and the picture looks resolute, thoughtful and ready for the responsibility.
The New York Times is saying that Hillary Clinton "escaped" something in New Hampshire. That is another negative word. Escaped sounds like she deserved to lose the primary and pulled some sort of stunt to whisk herself away from the jaws of just defeat. Furthermore, the entire headline makes it sound like she turned tail and ran shortly before total annihilation at the hands of her enemies. She won the primary. This kind of language is negative and minimizing of her accomplishment.
Emotional. Passionate. Two words with similar meanings but different connotations. One describes a person as ruled by feelings and is weaker for it. The other is a person full of life and eager to express important feelings. Which one did you see more often used to describe Hillary in the last week?
"Hillary emotional": 580,000 hits
"Hillary passionate": 358,000 hits
I continue my editorial classes this semester.
That is pretty negative. A problem is bad, it weighs on you and interrupts your thinking, disturbs your calm. Look at the picture, Obama looks so concerned, pensive, and probably worried about his problem. A problem is something that takes you below the baseline and beating it only returns you to average. A challenge is different. A challenge is something that is overcome and you are a better person for taking it on. A challenge is something that you meet and defeat that maybe other people can't. Why wasn't the headline "Obama's Foreign Policy Challenge." Obama is going above the average citizen and accepting the challenging responsibilities of the presidency but the author went with problem instead of challenge. Go back and read the title as "Obama's Foreign Policy Challenge" and the picture looks resolute, thoughtful and ready for the responsibility.
The New York Times is saying that Hillary Clinton "escaped" something in New Hampshire. That is another negative word. Escaped sounds like she deserved to lose the primary and pulled some sort of stunt to whisk herself away from the jaws of just defeat. Furthermore, the entire headline makes it sound like she turned tail and ran shortly before total annihilation at the hands of her enemies. She won the primary. This kind of language is negative and minimizing of her accomplishment.
Emotional. Passionate. Two words with similar meanings but different connotations. One describes a person as ruled by feelings and is weaker for it. The other is a person full of life and eager to express important feelings. Which one did you see more often used to describe Hillary in the last week?
"Hillary emotional": 580,000 hits
"Hillary passionate": 358,000 hits
I continue my editorial classes this semester.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
The Return of fulsome: What if destiny took a break from blogging?
fulsome may be back and he may sink back into the primeval whence he crawled, but it doesn't change the fact that I saw a show last night and wrote about it and think you care what I think about shit.
Monday, January 07, 2008
WANT
Bethesda Softworks hosted a junket for Fallout 3. Goddamn, I hope this game comes out and doesn't pull a Duke Nukem Forever. Even better? Fallout 3 takes place in DC. I can't wait to visit my neighborhoods, new and old, and blast some radioactive mutants off my various lawns.
Also, Gabe at Penny Arcade hosted a different kind of cookie contest and I think we should totally sue or something. That link is full of pictures that are totally not safe for work and I recommend we sue Penny Arcade for that, too.
Also, Gabe at Penny Arcade hosted a different kind of cookie contest and I think we should totally sue or something. That link is full of pictures that are totally not safe for work and I recommend we sue Penny Arcade for that, too.
Breaking News in the Holiday Cookie Bake-Off 2007 Conspiracy!
Eastern Judge Admits to Bribery! Scandal! Is the Western Judge similarly loose with morals and ethics? She has yet to deny these allegations and some might exclaim that it is irresponsible to toss accusations around the internets despite having solid proof of the perptrators, but The Genius knows that it would be irresponsible NOT to allege and accuses willy-nilly and hidey-ho!
You, loyal minions, must judge these judges guilty on your own recognizance and with what meager mental faculites you can muster.
You, loyal minions, must judge these judges guilty on your own recognizance and with what meager mental faculites you can muster.
Daily Reads
Despite being a WoW addicted cobag-son-of-a-bitch, I do find time to read. In the last three weeks, I have read Gun, With Occasional Music by Johnathan Lethem and Cauldron by Jack McDevitt. I thoroughly enjoyed them both and recommend them to the same crowd. I started She Climbed Across the Table by Lethem and have read almost all of McDevitt's books already, so he better get cracking on feeding my hard science fiction jones.
I heard only recently that Robert Jordan had died in September, so all of you who bet that he would kick it before finishing the Wheel of Time series won that round.
In other not-so-light reading, check out PAPERCUT by Michael Cho.
I heard only recently that Robert Jordan had died in September, so all of you who bet that he would kick it before finishing the Wheel of Time series won that round.
In other not-so-light reading, check out PAPERCUT by Michael Cho.
News Round Up: The Super Depressing Shit to Start Your Week
Georgia Rule: Your allegations of fraud do not concern me.
Smells Like 2003: Not enough war in the world as it is?
Blame the Victim: Taking Karl Rove's political advice, Mr. Musharraf?
Smells Like 2003: Not enough war in the world as it is?
Blame the Victim: Taking Karl Rove's political advice, Mr. Musharraf?
Friday, January 04, 2008
This Is Not Filler
Or maybe it is. Butterscotch Buddha on his Marzipan Throne, I have got to stop poking around in my computer's guts.
I am developing a theory about my cookie entry in the 2007 Holiday Cookie Bake-Off. I don't know how or why they were "destroyed" in the delivery system, but I suspect foul play. I am not currently able to limit my suspects
In the meantime, Shannon posted one of these on her little bloggio and I find them amusing in an XKCD-ish way. Specifically, this one here. By the way, I finally hit 70. Fuck. I hate myself sometimes. More like all the time.
I know someone who would appreciate this one. And also this rather timely one.
I am developing a theory about my cookie entry in the 2007 Holiday Cookie Bake-Off. I don't know how or why they were "destroyed" in the delivery system, but I suspect foul play. I am not currently able to limit my suspects
In the meantime, Shannon posted one of these on her little bloggio and I find them amusing in an XKCD-ish way. Specifically, this one here. By the way, I finally hit 70. Fuck. I hate myself sometimes. More like all the time.
I know someone who would appreciate this one. And also this rather timely one.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Up and Running
I finally got my computer up and running. I will continue with the high-functioning autisticness and jackassery later tonight.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Recent Movies
I saw Juno and Aliens vs Predator: Requiem. I'll get reviews up in the next day or so.
If a blog posts in the forest...
Does anyone give a shit? I am currently wading through a fairly serious hardware conundrum again and I could use some help. Given the reception of the last few posts at Well Rounded Nerds, I wonder if posting about it would help.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Should I Ever Place a Craigslist Ad
“Skywriting, Robots, Alcohol induced hilariousness, Oversharing, Plumbing Problems, Spider Marginalization, Stories in Real Time, Inaccurate Directions and Their Consequences, Being a Good Friend- Why Chuckles Actually Does Rule and Should Have the Company of an AMAZING LADY.”
The above quote from Pinko Punko would be the entire text of the thing. I have previously stated that placing a personal ad would be an admission of complete failure on my part, although I wonder then what the entire fucking purpose of this here bloggio is? Perhaps our whole lives are just performance art personal ads?
I think I need to get my head out of this dating guide for a couple days. I have been putting a surprising amount of time into that project lately; I am constantly scribbling notes to myself and writing chapter titles and abstracts. Which is funny because the last two women I have dated/am dating both asked me out.
Yeah, asked ME out. I am in the fucking Twilight Zone here. Usually I win the ladies by charming them from "Who the fuck is this lunatic?" to "Oh wow, he's actually cute and kinda slick." My current situation leaves me in a constant state of Neocon Logic: up is down, maybe is yes, maybe is no, winter is spring.
The above quote from Pinko Punko would be the entire text of the thing. I have previously stated that placing a personal ad would be an admission of complete failure on my part, although I wonder then what the entire fucking purpose of this here bloggio is? Perhaps our whole lives are just performance art personal ads?
I think I need to get my head out of this dating guide for a couple days. I have been putting a surprising amount of time into that project lately; I am constantly scribbling notes to myself and writing chapter titles and abstracts. Which is funny because the last two women I have dated/am dating both asked me out.
Yeah, asked ME out. I am in the fucking Twilight Zone here. Usually I win the ladies by charming them from "Who the fuck is this lunatic?" to "Oh wow, he's actually cute and kinda slick." My current situation leaves me in a constant state of Neocon Logic: up is down, maybe is yes, maybe is no, winter is spring.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Saturnalia 2007
It is 1:30 in the morning on the night of Saturnalia and I am watching Santa Claus Conquers the Martians with one of my brothers. Ralphie may have just been knocked off his perch.
It's just a little harmless self-abuse, rather like this here bloggio.
It's just a little harmless self-abuse, rather like this here bloggio.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Geek Dating Guide: Lessons In Flirting
Geeks, listen up, there is only one thing you have to know about flirting: courage. You need courage to say the clever things you think up with conviction and clarity. A mumbled flirt is just mumbling (you mumblecore morons can fuck off, thank you) and gets lost in any flirt situation. Most of the time you only have a quick moment to get the witticism delivered that gets you that all important look. You need to think fast and speak faster, but without speaking so fast you are misunderstood.
Case in point.
Who cares if she is married or living with some dude, it is still a good one. Or a lesbian, whatever, either way it isn't any of my business.
Case in point.
Who cares if she is married or living with some dude, it is still a good one. Or a lesbian, whatever, either way it isn't any of my business.
OMGWTFBBQICWUTUDIDTHAIR: Parte thee Seconde
I am almost sad to day that I would buy this game: World of Guitarcraft. In case you haven't heard, Activision acquired Blizzard and is now the frigging Turner Broadcasting Network of the gaming industry, owning three mega-sellers: Guitar Hero, World of Warcraft, and Call of Duty. I can't imagine that Starcraft 2 will be better than Supreme Commander (and based on the screen caps and video I have seen, it has all the problems of Starcraft with the graphics of Warcraft 3) but I would not be surprised if it sold millions of copies.
Arlington Cinema and Drafthouse's Two for One Offer Sticking in My Fucking Eye
Thanks for jabbing that one in, guys. I don't have anyone with whom to see a movie or at least, anyone who doesn't come with a plus one. So that is extra awesome.
Also, that theater is frigging hard to get to and Virginia hates cabs and actively hates me for not owning a pollution machine. I fucking hate Virginia.
Also, that theater is frigging hard to get to and Virginia hates cabs and actively hates me for not owning a pollution machine. I fucking hate Virginia.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
They're Always After Me Lucky Recipes!
Shannon, I will give you my frosting/icing recipe after I have been declared the winner in the cookie bake-off next week. In the meantime, I will tell you this: it involved smashing stuff. This is pretty much the only reason why I went with it. Cooking with fire? Good. Cooking while breaking things? Better.
The recipe I will divulge has been previously divulgified prior to post partem pleisiasaur piranha posting privileged patoootie.
That sentence lost itself. I am still suffering the effects of a one cup a day coffee habit. Hummus recipe for Marty.
The recipe I will divulge has been previously divulgified prior to post partem pleisiasaur piranha posting privileged patoootie.
That sentence lost itself. I am still suffering the effects of a one cup a day coffee habit. Hummus recipe for Marty.
What Do You Think?
I need to ask those people in the Onion what they think should be on the DC non-state quarter. I voted for the "No Taxation Without Representation" flag but you can vote for Ben's Chili Bowl, Snag. It was a hard decision, as I really could use a chili dog after all the mashed potatoes on crackers and eating my coworker's chocolate chip cookies all day long. I should eat a salad or something but all I have is Five Guys Fries to look forward to tonight, right PP? Robola knows my dilemma, I just keep eating anything you put in arm's reach and my arms are fucking long.
How American is that? Apparently, I know hate every third world country out there because in the last few days I have been eating well more than my fair share of resources.
How American is that? Apparently, I know hate every third world country out there because in the last few days I have been eating well more than my fair share of resources.
Cookie Packages Now In System of Tubes
The UPS Store down the street from my office has possession of my contest winning cookies. I hope all the rest of you losers have sent out return slips and are un-submitting your terrible, un-winning cookies.
Can your pans of flan hope to beat a cookie in the shape of a cobag with appropriate art in the frosting? No.
Can your balls of spicy chocolate hope to defeat my Nibbles: In Memoriam Memorial Cookie? No.
Can your loaves of prepared crisps possibly hope to defeat my awesome cobagitating confections? No.
My cookies frighten conservatives into submission, the AEI has added these pastries to their annual watch list! You can't win!
Can your pans of flan hope to beat a cookie in the shape of a cobag with appropriate art in the frosting? No.
Can your balls of spicy chocolate hope to defeat my Nibbles: In Memoriam Memorial Cookie? No.
Can your loaves of prepared crisps possibly hope to defeat my awesome cobagitating confections? No.
My cookies frighten conservatives into submission, the AEI has added these pastries to their annual watch list! You can't win!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Other Cookie Pictures, Perhaps Less Amusing Than Before
Cookie Jesus gives you the thumbs up
and also wishes peace on earth to those cobagz who maybe don't deserve it.
Expect the packages, judges, for they fly on swift couriers. Ask not for whom The Genius bakes, he bakes for thee.
and also wishes peace on earth to those cobagz who maybe don't deserve it.
Expect the packages, judges, for they fly on swift couriers. Ask not for whom The Genius bakes, he bakes for thee.
Cookie Contest 2007 Anticipated Ship Date is Today
I will be mailing out my amazing and contest-winning cookies later today. Expect more pictures. I had to make a second batch of cookies because some frigging gorging bastard broke into my apartment and ate all the previous cookies. Seriously. I should have mailed those cookies that moment the icing cooled because I couldn't help myself. The taste test sort of turned into a spot-on impersonation of Cookie Monster.
In other words:
I MAID U A COOKIE BUT I EATED IT ALL.
The first batch was not up to my exacting standards anyway. The second batch is far superior to mortal man and has at least five asses. Oh shit, I just realized that I wish I had made a half-assed cookie. I did make some Cookie Jesuses (Jesi?) and they turned out well-ish. Pictures to come once I get this frigging USB stick to read.
In other words:
I MAID U A COOKIE BUT I EATED IT ALL.
The first batch was not up to my exacting standards anyway. The second batch is far superior to mortal man and has at least five asses. Oh shit, I just realized that I wish I had made a half-assed cookie. I did make some Cookie Jesuses (Jesi?) and they turned out well-ish. Pictures to come once I get this frigging USB stick to read.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Apparently This Isn't a Joke
I thought the National Park System was going to be renamed the National Unexploited Resources System. I wouldn't be surprised if Bush thought his dog was listening, Bush is the Holy Leader referenced in the Book of Pithea. I am almost saddened that no one took the opportunity to claim that Barney's job was to fertilize the White House Parkland.
ADDED: The White House does view this as a joke, however.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
You Know What Else I Meant To Do On Monday: Go to the Black Cat
I am operating in a bit of cash flow situation, but who isn't? I could not afford the ticket price for the Le Loup show on Monday night. I should get a second job, but I can't get out of my neighborhood before 7 pm with my current job and I am hoping to continue my classes at the USDA next semester. Maybe if I wasn't such a lazy bastard I wouldn't buy lunch everyday.
In any event, despite the DCist's disappointing description of the show, I still wish I had gone to see Margot and the Nuclear So and So's and Le Loup.
In any event, despite the DCist's disappointing description of the show, I still wish I had gone to see Margot and the Nuclear So and So's and Le Loup.
Meant to Post This on Monday
But I'm in a time vortex.
Anyway, Kathleen should check out the alt text or clouds or whatever you call it.
Y'all.
Anyway, Kathleen should check out the alt text or clouds or whatever you call it.
Y'all.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
New Proofreading and Editing Skills Put to Test by Gary Ruppert
I finished the night class I was taking at the USDA Graduate School last week. The class was titled "Proofreading" and was a fantastic education in grammar and general proofreading. I can not recommend it strongly enough to any person interested in this topic.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 11, 2007 at 3:34
The fact is, liberals would surrender to any gunman, especially if he was wearing a hijab or a trowel. You would expect tolerance and get killed. What you deserve, exactly.
Gary Ruppert has a few basic grammar problems in this comment that inhibit his attempt to communicate. Clear communication is the goal of proofreading. The rules of grammar allow us to create sentences that can be understand by anyone with an understanding of the language used. Gary Ruppert has chosen to disregard several of the rules and this has hampered our understanding of his statement.1
The first sentence needs a bit of work, even if I ignore the blatant, baseless assertion. The construction "The fact is" is entirely unnecessary if we strengthen the rest of the sentence. How does this one suit you, Gary: "Liberals are spineless pacifists who would surrender to any gunmen and would also quiver in abject fear if the assailant was wearing a hijab or trowel." I am not sure why an armed individual is more terrifying when wearing a garden tool but perhaps this is something with which Gary is particularly familiar. It is distinctly possible that Gary meant to type towel and as a good proofreader, I should query the author. What do you think, Gary? Are garden implements tools of terror and destruction?
"Liberals would expect tolerance from an armed maniac and be killed. As a liberal, you deserve exactly that end because of your tolerance and lifestyle." Here, I have taken Gary's sentences and performed a rather radical alteration that keeps the intent and communicated ideas largely intact. If this were a normal situation, I would make these changes and then flag them for special attention from the author to insure that I have understood the poorly constructed sentence and the fragmented sentence. Previously, the pronoun you was undefined and weakened the case being made by Mr. Ruppert.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 11, 2007 at 17:46
The fact is, you will be exposed for your perfity, and bias towards USA and troops and freedom. God does not like liberals, especially when they shelter illegals, abort and do not work hard.
Given the similarities between the two comments, I have no doubt that both comments were written by the same confused individual. As an editor, I would instruct Gary to rewrite his arguments and add supporting evidence to his claims about liberals. Assertions must be supported with facts and the construction "The fact is" does not have magical powers bestowing mighty amounts of truth onto the statement that follows. Based on the content of the post and the actions described therein, Gary's comment does not require the construction. Gary's comment does require some clarification in the use of to the indefinite pronoun you. Correcting spelling and abbreviation errors are other aspects of the proofreader's job. "You, Mister Leonard Pierce, will be exposed for your perfidy, bias towards the U.S.A., troops, and freedom." That is a better sentence than the original but we haven't quite met our goal of clarity. I have broken up the list into four separate items to help Gary with his declaration that there are in fact four transgressions that Mister Leonard Pierce will be committing should he make it to CPAC 20082. We still have the odd use of the word bias to consider. As it is currently written, the sentence indicates that Mister Leonard Pierce is biased towards the United States of America, some indefinite troops and freedom. Since Gary is accusing Mister Pierce of perfidy, "an act or instance of faithlessness or treachery" according to Dictionary.com, we can assume that this bias mentioned is wrong in the eyes of the author. Once the audience is forced to make assumptions because of an author's poor ability to communicate your ideas, that author has gone horribly astray. In this comment, Gary Ruppert is perhaps saying that he approves of those who have a bias against the U.S.A., indefinite troops, and freedom. As a proofreader, I can not be certain and should query the author. However, Gary Ruppert has no website that we know of and thus I am left only to assume that he has something against the U.S.A., troops, and freedom. I have no idea about the identity of these "troops" but they could be Boy Scout Troops, some sort of armed forces, bands of teenagers roaming any of the faceless suburbs of America, or even troops of baboons wandering the wilds of Africa. I am must query the author again. Freedom is an odd concept in this context as well. The author has mentioned the United States of America and might mean any of the particular freedoms granted by the U.S. Constitution and limited by the Patriot Act or he might mean the more ambiguous concept of freedom as a basic right of all human beings. I am not certain and the meaning can not be determined from context.
"God does not like liberals, especially when they shelter illegals, abort and do not work hard." This sentence seems to be a non sequitor. It does not pertain to the subject matter of the post written by Mister Pierce nor does it convey any useful information to Mr. Ruppert previous sentence about perfidy, troops, and freedom. This sentence weakens the already weak argument in the first sentence and, as an editor, I would remove it entirely. However, in this case, I am proofreading and not editing. I would change the sentence to read: "God does not like liberals and especially dislikes them because liberals shelter illegals (Illegal whats? Illegal pets? Illegal firearms? Illegal herbalism projects?), abort (Again Gary, please clarify what is being aborted. A countdown? A computer operation?) and are lazy." As an editor, I would also demand citations.
This post is evidence of two things: I will never get a job at Regnery and I spent too much time on this BS.
1. Before I begin this laborious task I must say that I do not like commas and tend to alter sentences to avoid using them.
2. Normally I would give the full name of the group before using the abbreviation but I do not know what the full name is, nor was I able to find that name on the CPAC website. This is a fine example of shoddy proofreading on behalf of CPAC.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 11, 2007 at 3:34
The fact is, liberals would surrender to any gunman, especially if he was wearing a hijab or a trowel. You would expect tolerance and get killed. What you deserve, exactly.
Gary Ruppert has a few basic grammar problems in this comment that inhibit his attempt to communicate. Clear communication is the goal of proofreading. The rules of grammar allow us to create sentences that can be understand by anyone with an understanding of the language used. Gary Ruppert has chosen to disregard several of the rules and this has hampered our understanding of his statement.1
The first sentence needs a bit of work, even if I ignore the blatant, baseless assertion. The construction "The fact is" is entirely unnecessary if we strengthen the rest of the sentence. How does this one suit you, Gary: "Liberals are spineless pacifists who would surrender to any gunmen and would also quiver in abject fear if the assailant was wearing a hijab or trowel." I am not sure why an armed individual is more terrifying when wearing a garden tool but perhaps this is something with which Gary is particularly familiar. It is distinctly possible that Gary meant to type towel and as a good proofreader, I should query the author. What do you think, Gary? Are garden implements tools of terror and destruction?
"Liberals would expect tolerance from an armed maniac and be killed. As a liberal, you deserve exactly that end because of your tolerance and lifestyle." Here, I have taken Gary's sentences and performed a rather radical alteration that keeps the intent and communicated ideas largely intact. If this were a normal situation, I would make these changes and then flag them for special attention from the author to insure that I have understood the poorly constructed sentence and the fragmented sentence. Previously, the pronoun you was undefined and weakened the case being made by Mr. Ruppert.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 11, 2007 at 17:46
The fact is, you will be exposed for your perfity, and bias towards USA and troops and freedom. God does not like liberals, especially when they shelter illegals, abort and do not work hard.
Given the similarities between the two comments, I have no doubt that both comments were written by the same confused individual. As an editor, I would instruct Gary to rewrite his arguments and add supporting evidence to his claims about liberals. Assertions must be supported with facts and the construction "The fact is" does not have magical powers bestowing mighty amounts of truth onto the statement that follows. Based on the content of the post and the actions described therein, Gary's comment does not require the construction. Gary's comment does require some clarification in the use of to the indefinite pronoun you. Correcting spelling and abbreviation errors are other aspects of the proofreader's job. "You, Mister Leonard Pierce, will be exposed for your perfidy, bias towards the U.S.A., troops, and freedom." That is a better sentence than the original but we haven't quite met our goal of clarity. I have broken up the list into four separate items to help Gary with his declaration that there are in fact four transgressions that Mister Leonard Pierce will be committing should he make it to CPAC 20082. We still have the odd use of the word bias to consider. As it is currently written, the sentence indicates that Mister Leonard Pierce is biased towards the United States of America, some indefinite troops and freedom. Since Gary is accusing Mister Pierce of perfidy, "an act or instance of faithlessness or treachery" according to Dictionary.com, we can assume that this bias mentioned is wrong in the eyes of the author. Once the audience is forced to make assumptions because of an author's poor ability to communicate your ideas, that author has gone horribly astray. In this comment, Gary Ruppert is perhaps saying that he approves of those who have a bias against the U.S.A., indefinite troops, and freedom. As a proofreader, I can not be certain and should query the author. However, Gary Ruppert has no website that we know of and thus I am left only to assume that he has something against the U.S.A., troops, and freedom. I have no idea about the identity of these "troops" but they could be Boy Scout Troops, some sort of armed forces, bands of teenagers roaming any of the faceless suburbs of America, or even troops of baboons wandering the wilds of Africa. I am must query the author again. Freedom is an odd concept in this context as well. The author has mentioned the United States of America and might mean any of the particular freedoms granted by the U.S. Constitution and limited by the Patriot Act or he might mean the more ambiguous concept of freedom as a basic right of all human beings. I am not certain and the meaning can not be determined from context.
"God does not like liberals, especially when they shelter illegals, abort and do not work hard." This sentence seems to be a non sequitor. It does not pertain to the subject matter of the post written by Mister Pierce nor does it convey any useful information to Mr. Ruppert previous sentence about perfidy, troops, and freedom. This sentence weakens the already weak argument in the first sentence and, as an editor, I would remove it entirely. However, in this case, I am proofreading and not editing. I would change the sentence to read: "God does not like liberals and especially dislikes them because liberals shelter illegals (Illegal whats? Illegal pets? Illegal firearms? Illegal herbalism projects?), abort (Again Gary, please clarify what is being aborted. A countdown? A computer operation?) and are lazy." As an editor, I would also demand citations.
This post is evidence of two things: I will never get a job at Regnery and I spent too much time on this BS.
1. Before I begin this laborious task I must say that I do not like commas and tend to alter sentences to avoid using them.
2. Normally I would give the full name of the group before using the abbreviation but I do not know what the full name is, nor was I able to find that name on the CPAC website. This is a fine example of shoddy proofreading on behalf of CPAC.
Fridge Note to AG
In case you hadn't noticed, AG, you are in Conclusion, The Land of Thus, So and Other Summarized Arguments which borders the Kingdom of Endnotes. Most people get there by way of Introductory Paragraph, or sometimes through the Tunnel of Academic Abstract, and pass along the Road of Structured Arguments. There are frequent stops for refreshment in the towns of Evidence and Citation, with the occasional detour in the scenic Valley of Footnotes. Unfortunately for me, and others with whom you converse, AG prefers to skip all that travel business and take a quick jump into Conclusion. The odd aspect of the Land of Conclusion is that the less time you take to travel there, the less substantial the experience of being in Conclusion. In fact, it is frequently said that taking a short trip to Conclusion often results in a significant phonemic change in the traveler's pronunciation of the name of the land in which one has so recently and rapidly arrived.
In a largely unrelated matter, it is time I cut back on my coffee intake. I have said this before and I will say it again but today, I will drink no more coffee than I have so far.
In a largely unrelated matter, it is time I cut back on my coffee intake. I have said this before and I will say it again but today, I will drink no more coffee than I have so far.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
From Hell's Heart, I Bake At Thee
PUUUUUUNNKKKOOOOOO!
Ahem.
Tonight, I bake-a da cookies. You like-a da cookies? I include a picture of some of the ingredients I used:
You will notice the slimy tentacles of my master creeping over and around the flour and sugar. I can not prevent the invasion of His Great and Grotesquely Alien Dimension from seeping into my kitchen. My mixing bowl summons forth the Shoggoth and Mi-Go like moths to the bright candle flame of my Master's terrible glory. MY soul is lost and yours soon will be.
Here you can see the shapeless mass, approaching horrific sentience:
I can barely contain it with three spoons. Thankfully, I have been granted a third tentacular appendage with which to stir my Master's newest assault on sanity. This caustic mixture consumed and annihilated my assistant's mixer. The motor could not long operate within a greater universe that includes a hexadecimal dimension of time and space and imploded, singeing my assistant greatly. It would not be the last wound suffered in the service of my Master.
I am not sure what this is, but it has no place in this contest:
Or does it?
Blue Girl, what is best in baking? I'll tell you: To roll your dough, see it spread before you, and hear the lamentations of the icing.
Some claim to be able to see Jesus in a corn chip or a tortilla, I see secret messages in the icing on my cookies:
What does it mean? The world may never know. My unknown and unknowable Master commanded that I prepare suitable vessels for His terrible confections:
Helob gives her/his/bird/spider's usual opinion: Needs More Crickets.
I predict the esteemed Judges of the Hallowed Holiday Bake-Off will react thusly:
Saturday Random N*: Apartment Cleaning Edition
I recently added some speakers to my WoW machine. I downloaded the newest version of WinAmp in the hopes that it will be more useful, interesting and secure than Windows Media Player.
N. Some Random '80s Mega Mix. It's acceptable but I think it was added to my collection while said collection was in the hands of one of my brothers.
N+1. Michael Jackson's Thriller. I think my computer is in the wrong sort of holiday spirit.
N+2. Concrete Blonde: Mexican Moon (Spanish). Oh yeah, it's definitely stuck on Halloween.
N+3. The Hives: Untutored Youth - Good to see that some things never change, my computer has been into these guys for a long time.
N+4. Jaga Jazzist: Lithuania - I have no idea where this came from.
N+5. New Order: Everyone Everywhere - Added by that same brother, I think.
N+6. Moby: Heaven - Jeez, this could have come from anywhere. Anyone know the statute of limitations on the RIAA's jackassery?
N+7. Led Zeppelin: Your Time is Gonna Come - It has been a while since I heard some Zeppelin. I need to immerse myself in Led Zeppelin, Jimmy Hendrix and other guitar heavy groups if I am going to get ready for this summer.
N+8. Superpope: The Death of Mother Brain - All of this guy's stuff is video game or Dragon Ball inspired. I wonder why I liked it in college...
N+9. Paul Oakenfold: Set Me Free - I haven't really updated any of the music on this computer since college.
N+10. Unknown (Maybe Reel Big Fish or Mustard Plug): Gin and Juice - I still like the music I liked in college but listening to a goofy cover song or some raving, e-addled tweaker's music isn't as interesting as listening to a well-crafted or authentically emotional song by band's like Camera Obscura, Le Loup or Georgie James.
N+11. The Hives: Main Offender - fulsome probably loves these guy's as much as my computer does.
N+12. Unknown: Were You Born An Asshole - O Jeebus, I just realized that this is probably Jeff Foxworthy or someone like that.
N+13. Paul Oakenfold: Someone Like You - More of the same. I guess that is really the problem with electronic music. It is really hard to sound interesting. Oakenfold and Van Dyk come pretty close, but I wonder when and where the Elvis of electronic music is hiding. Or the Beatles, if that is more your thing.
N+14. New Order: Chemical - How much stuff did that brother put on my computer?
N+15. DJ Mark Farina: Mushroom Jazz Vol. 3 - This is still good and still holds resonance and quality.
N. Some Random '80s Mega Mix. It's acceptable but I think it was added to my collection while said collection was in the hands of one of my brothers.
N+1. Michael Jackson's Thriller. I think my computer is in the wrong sort of holiday spirit.
N+2. Concrete Blonde: Mexican Moon (Spanish). Oh yeah, it's definitely stuck on Halloween.
N+3. The Hives: Untutored Youth - Good to see that some things never change, my computer has been into these guys for a long time.
N+4. Jaga Jazzist: Lithuania - I have no idea where this came from.
N+5. New Order: Everyone Everywhere - Added by that same brother, I think.
N+6. Moby: Heaven - Jeez, this could have come from anywhere. Anyone know the statute of limitations on the RIAA's jackassery?
N+7. Led Zeppelin: Your Time is Gonna Come - It has been a while since I heard some Zeppelin. I need to immerse myself in Led Zeppelin, Jimmy Hendrix and other guitar heavy groups if I am going to get ready for this summer.
N+8. Superpope: The Death of Mother Brain - All of this guy's stuff is video game or Dragon Ball inspired. I wonder why I liked it in college...
N+9. Paul Oakenfold: Set Me Free - I haven't really updated any of the music on this computer since college.
N+10. Unknown (Maybe Reel Big Fish or Mustard Plug): Gin and Juice - I still like the music I liked in college but listening to a goofy cover song or some raving, e-addled tweaker's music isn't as interesting as listening to a well-crafted or authentically emotional song by band's like Camera Obscura, Le Loup or Georgie James.
N+11. The Hives: Main Offender - fulsome probably loves these guy's as much as my computer does.
N+12. Unknown: Were You Born An Asshole - O Jeebus, I just realized that this is probably Jeff Foxworthy or someone like that.
N+13. Paul Oakenfold: Someone Like You - More of the same. I guess that is really the problem with electronic music. It is really hard to sound interesting. Oakenfold and Van Dyk come pretty close, but I wonder when and where the Elvis of electronic music is hiding. Or the Beatles, if that is more your thing.
N+14. New Order: Chemical - How much stuff did that brother put on my computer?
N+15. DJ Mark Farina: Mushroom Jazz Vol. 3 - This is still good and still holds resonance and quality.
Friday, December 07, 2007
Though AG May Ban Me (AGAIN), Snag Is Right
Menorahs are indeed made from Chanukah Hams. Here is one such ham in its uncut form, much like a 7 day old baby Jesus:
Questionable Content Apparently Heard About the Cookie Contest
And my wang. I know consider all references to enormous schlongs to be homages to me.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
It Isn't Waterboarding But It Is Still Torture
I am listening to Kathleen's Holiday Music Station on Pandora in an attempt to inure myself for the inevitable trip to some local palace of commerce.
My coworkers love it. I have been asked to turn it up.
My coworkers love it. I have been asked to turn it up.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
December is Christianofascism Awareness Month
Unsurprisingly, the rightwing jackasses all over the internet are rather consistently wrong.
It is totally disrespectful and wrong to deface the image of our golden calves. This is totally different from when those Muslims get all angry about their religious idols.
It is totally disrespectful and wrong to deface the image of our golden calves. This is totally different from when those Muslims get all angry about their religious idols.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Cooking with Helob: Tie-Fighter Peanut Sauce and Pasta
The cool thing about this recipe is that it requires only two things beyond the cooking implements: peanut butter and pasta. The even cooler thing about this recipe is that I am inventing it as I cook and blog at the SAME TIME. I have never been to Thailand but I have eaten lots of satay and had a friend from Bangkok in grade school. Nonetheless, I feel fully qualified to make a scrumptious meal. Please note that although I do own a cookbook, for the purposes of this trick, I will not be consulting it.
Ingredient list (constantly updated as I work my magic):
chunky peanut butter (64 oz jug)
San Giorgio spaghetti 8 degree (on sale!)
filtered DC tap water (trust me, the unfiltered shit will kill you and rob your corpse)
extra virgin olive oil (because I had it in the cupboard, a recurring theme in all my culinary experiments)
1 tablespoon Patak's Hot Curry Paste (concentrate for sauces, tomato & cumin)(half of all I had left, figured I might need more in the next week or so until I get paid again)
2 tablespoons Bombay Brand Ginger Paste (made form fresh ginger)(both this and the curry paste have been in my fridge for over a year, doled out into curries and spaghettis)
a couple shakes of seasoned salt (for good luck)
a couple of vigorous shakes of Pride of Szeged Hungarian Paprika (for good health)
a dash of ground sage (because it smelled appropriate to my most recent sense memory of peanut sauce)
a dash of ground mace (see above)
the unending scorn of one large tarantula with performance anxiety
Cook spaghetti as usual. Throw some olive oil into a sauce pan. Throw a few globs of peanut butter in, basically until you think you have enough for your sauce needs. Heat on low because peanut butter will hold heat for a while. When the peanut butter and oil mix easily with a spoon, toss in a heaping tablespoon of the curry paste. Then open your jar of ginger paste and clean off the brown bits around the edge from the last time you used it. Then give it a quick lick to check whether it has gone bad. Seems ok? Toss in a heaping tablespoon. Spoon out another, decide to check it again, realize that it has a bit of bite. Taste it again, thanking that practical anthropology course you slept through in college, realize that the bite is usual and that ginger paste is some potent shit and put the tablespoon back in the jar. Seal the jar, back away slowly. Stir this mixture. Then go ahead and season the mix to whatever color you like in a peanut sauce. Let sit on "Low" heat to keep it from congealing. Periodically glance over at your tarantula and wonder why she/he/it/spider won't eat any of the yummy crickets you bought for it/she/he/spider the other day. I think he/it/she/spider is codependent and spends all night moaning away and sobbing, "why aren't my crickets good enough for him?"
Take periodic taste tests to astound your senses with its interesting and surprisingly edible flavor and consistency. Under no circumstances should you add raspberry jelly but if you never have that urge, then you have seasoned the sauce properly. If you think it is getting a little thick, toss in some more olive oil. There may be a better ingredient to use, but it wasn't in my fridge or cupboard, so fuck it.
When the pasta is finally done, throw some of your concoction over the pasta and eat heartily, while reminding yourself that even though this might be some odd shit and in no real way related to authentic peanut sauce, at least it isn't FUCKING RAMEN.
Ingredient list (constantly updated as I work my magic):
chunky peanut butter (64 oz jug)
San Giorgio spaghetti 8 degree (on sale!)
filtered DC tap water (trust me, the unfiltered shit will kill you and rob your corpse)
extra virgin olive oil (because I had it in the cupboard, a recurring theme in all my culinary experiments)
1 tablespoon Patak's Hot Curry Paste (concentrate for sauces, tomato & cumin)(half of all I had left, figured I might need more in the next week or so until I get paid again)
2 tablespoons Bombay Brand Ginger Paste (made form fresh ginger)(both this and the curry paste have been in my fridge for over a year, doled out into curries and spaghettis)
a couple shakes of seasoned salt (for good luck)
a couple of vigorous shakes of Pride of Szeged Hungarian Paprika (for good health)
a dash of ground sage (because it smelled appropriate to my most recent sense memory of peanut sauce)
a dash of ground mace (see above)
the unending scorn of one large tarantula with performance anxiety
Cook spaghetti as usual. Throw some olive oil into a sauce pan. Throw a few globs of peanut butter in, basically until you think you have enough for your sauce needs. Heat on low because peanut butter will hold heat for a while. When the peanut butter and oil mix easily with a spoon, toss in a heaping tablespoon of the curry paste. Then open your jar of ginger paste and clean off the brown bits around the edge from the last time you used it. Then give it a quick lick to check whether it has gone bad. Seems ok? Toss in a heaping tablespoon. Spoon out another, decide to check it again, realize that it has a bit of bite. Taste it again, thanking that practical anthropology course you slept through in college, realize that the bite is usual and that ginger paste is some potent shit and put the tablespoon back in the jar. Seal the jar, back away slowly. Stir this mixture. Then go ahead and season the mix to whatever color you like in a peanut sauce. Let sit on "Low" heat to keep it from congealing. Periodically glance over at your tarantula and wonder why she/he/it/spider won't eat any of the yummy crickets you bought for it/she/he/spider the other day. I think he/it/she/spider is codependent and spends all night moaning away and sobbing, "why aren't my crickets good enough for him?"
Take periodic taste tests to astound your senses with its interesting and surprisingly edible flavor and consistency. Under no circumstances should you add raspberry jelly but if you never have that urge, then you have seasoned the sauce properly. If you think it is getting a little thick, toss in some more olive oil. There may be a better ingredient to use, but it wasn't in my fridge or cupboard, so fuck it.
When the pasta is finally done, throw some of your concoction over the pasta and eat heartily, while reminding yourself that even though this might be some odd shit and in no real way related to authentic peanut sauce, at least it isn't FUCKING RAMEN.
Cookie Contest 2007 Ingredient List
As promised, my ingredient list for my entry in the 2007 Cookie Contest:
5 pound bag of sugar
5 pound bag of flour
5 pound bag on unbleached flour
5 pound bag of whole wheat flour
2 pound bag of confectioner's sugar
2 pound bag of corn meal
2 cups sea salt
1 cup coconut shavings
1 cup human shavings
5 cups freshly rolled oats
2 dollops of essence of babpupten
2 boxes of raisins
1 box of cranberry raisins
1 ounce raison d'entre
1 ounce ethereal ectoplasm
1 1/2 pounds of 86% organic chocolate chunks
1 cup tears of the unrequited
3 teaspoons of the Dreamer's spittle
6 tons cooled magma
3 tons of volcanic ash from Pompeii
1 ton people ash from Pompeii
3 dashes of Spice Melange
3 drops of the anti-agathic Essence of Ageria
3 dried and ground mind worm larvae from Ceti Alpha Five
1 drop purified water of life
1 bulb of garlic
2 blue eyes of newt
1 bag of M&Ms
2 wheels brie cheese
2 wheels camembert cheese
2 wheelbarrels of headcheese
4 cans condensed milk
2 cans sweetened condensed milk
3 cans condensed goats milk
5 cans condensed weasel milk
1 smelt
cinnamon
paprika
vanilla
old bay seasoning
celery salt
Mix ingredients in non-Euclidean bowl, gently folding in the chocolate chunks. Let this sit on the counter until the reality of your kitchen is redefined in a darker light than shines at night. Ignite oven with the burning soul essence of orphaned male child of a pious widow. Place magma in titanium/unobtanium alloy pan, use center rack in oven. Heat magma to 1250 degrees (centigrade), add ash. Dollop out the cookie mixture onto baking sheet. Should any dollops randomly fall onto the sheet in the form of runes, pictograms or the Elder Sign, DO NOT READ THEM ALOUD. If you choose to read them in your head, you risk only your mind. Should you dare to read them aloud without the proper preparations and precautions, I will not be held liable. Please sign the attached waiver of liablity and fax it to 1-888-NOM-RYLE.
In case you are wondering how a person could write a post like this after the previous two posts and their intense content, I can only say that were I to dwell solely upon those topics that affect me in a most serious and painful fashion, I would not remain sane for long. The struggle is a daily one and I hope that I do not trivialize the suffering mentioned last week.
5 pound bag of sugar
5 pound bag of flour
5 pound bag on unbleached flour
5 pound bag of whole wheat flour
2 pound bag of confectioner's sugar
2 pound bag of corn meal
2 cups sea salt
1 cup coconut shavings
1 cup human shavings
5 cups freshly rolled oats
2 dollops of essence of babpupten
2 boxes of raisins
1 box of cranberry raisins
1 ounce raison d'entre
1 ounce ethereal ectoplasm
1 1/2 pounds of 86% organic chocolate chunks
1 cup tears of the unrequited
3 teaspoons of the Dreamer's spittle
6 tons cooled magma
3 tons of volcanic ash from Pompeii
1 ton people ash from Pompeii
3 dashes of Spice Melange
3 drops of the anti-agathic Essence of Ageria
3 dried and ground mind worm larvae from Ceti Alpha Five
1 drop purified water of life
1 bulb of garlic
2 blue eyes of newt
1 bag of M&Ms
2 wheels brie cheese
2 wheels camembert cheese
2 wheelbarrels of headcheese
4 cans condensed milk
2 cans sweetened condensed milk
3 cans condensed goats milk
5 cans condensed weasel milk
1 smelt
cinnamon
paprika
vanilla
old bay seasoning
celery salt
Mix ingredients in non-Euclidean bowl, gently folding in the chocolate chunks. Let this sit on the counter until the reality of your kitchen is redefined in a darker light than shines at night. Ignite oven with the burning soul essence of orphaned male child of a pious widow. Place magma in titanium/unobtanium alloy pan, use center rack in oven. Heat magma to 1250 degrees (centigrade), add ash. Dollop out the cookie mixture onto baking sheet. Should any dollops randomly fall onto the sheet in the form of runes, pictograms or the Elder Sign, DO NOT READ THEM ALOUD. If you choose to read them in your head, you risk only your mind. Should you dare to read them aloud without the proper preparations and precautions, I will not be held liable. Please sign the attached waiver of liablity and fax it to 1-888-NOM-RYLE.
In case you are wondering how a person could write a post like this after the previous two posts and their intense content, I can only say that were I to dwell solely upon those topics that affect me in a most serious and painful fashion, I would not remain sane for long. The struggle is a daily one and I hope that I do not trivialize the suffering mentioned last week.
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