Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Awesome Life

So I'm showered, dressed, out of the house, sitting in a chocolate and coffee shop, listening to a gaggle of lovely dames discuss their grandmother's jewelry, and life couldn't better. If I could upload photos with my phone, the Mike Meyer's size mocha in front of me would epitomize the depth of my contentment. This cup of coffee violates my First Rule of Consumption: Never eat anything bigger than your head without fulsome watching. I'm not violating the Thirty-Seventh rule either, but that's an obvious rule: Never eat without bragging to the internet. Here I am digressing again. The town itself is lovely, as my mother would say, and the square has everything you need, a head shop, a shoe store, a coffee shop, a toy store, a couple two three restaraunts, and a rib place. There's high-speed internet somewhere in town, but not at this cafe, which is fine, and an old stone courthouse. The little old ladies say the barbershop "past the shoestore and Baumgartner's" is the place I should go. Right now, my hair is lost somewhere in the wilderness of the tri-state area between Biker-Bartenderistan, Emoria, and Mullet.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Chicago via Monroe

It's 800-some miles to Monroe, we've got a full-ish tank of gas, one bag of baby carrots, twenty-seven cds, it's getting dark, and we don't have any sunglasses. Hit it.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Cop Week! Yay!

There are at least 35,000 tourists in DC until next Monday. 35,000 of these tourists are police officers, or lieutenants, or detectives, their rank is rather irrelevant compared to the majority's behavior. They walk into your bar like they own the place, act like jackasses, drink Miller Lite in a bottle, and tip like college students. I need to get a day job.

Friday, May 07, 2010

Part of My Manliness

My manliness, the general quality of me being the man that I am, manifests itself in several ways that are always obvious to others, and some less obvious. I see the world differently than most humans. I took part in a recent survey about my worldview, and even made it onto the blog post. Try and guess which Miscellaneous answer was mine.

Wednesday, May 05, 2010


Get FREE MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT without bankrupting a mortgage bank! I just walked past Matthew Lesko, in his famous question mark suit, while on my way to work. I doubt he will attempt to get me fired.