New Overlords Clearly Not 3Bullsian

As this interesting piece of news shows us, 3 Bulls will indeed be rendered into a filthbot-spamblog when the Editors of that vile rag cease and decease.

Had the candy in question been Take-5s instead of Kit-Kats, this post would have a rather different tone.

Bloggies Held Last Night, Everyone Snubbed

The 2011 Weblog Awards were held sometime in the recent past, either last night or at some further point in the not-future not-now when. I wasn't expecting to win, but it would have been nice to be nominated and get a chance to thank the Academy. The cool thing is that this means that the Sixth Annual 'Baggie Awards are just around the corner! I'm aiming to win the Slightly-More-Active-Than-fulsome Award, and hoping to at least be nominated for Less-Chunderiffic-Than-Pinko-the-Baby-Blogger. I might even cross my fingers for Biggest Beard, but between Plover and AG, that is a tough category to win.

New Music for Pinko Punko

Mastodon seems to be taking the Rush route. A full stage show for an album about "wormholes, the spirit realm, an early-20th-century Russian Orthodox sect and Rasputin" sounds like just the ticket to get Pinko Punko and pals out of the house and bring this country out of the economic doldrums! Heavy metal prog rock will save us all.

But seriously, I'll have to buy this for my brother's cousin-in-law. He liked 2006's Blood Mountain and I need to maintain my rep.

Just Chuck Full of the Fucking Spirit Am I

I am unironically enjoying Kathleen's Holiday Radio Pandora channel again this year. I am trying not to be such an unrelenting curmudgeon, and I have to say that it is pretty freaking tough. I hope the two people I might see this holiday season fucking appreciate how nice I am being.

So I am inflicting my amazing cookies, if such a meager word can define these scrumdiddilyumptious morsels of pure alien insanity, on a group of friends and relatives tomorrow. My brother and I are hosting an intimate gathering to eat cookies, drink hot booze with spices, and watch holiday movies. Everyone else thinks that we are going to watch Christmas Vacation, but I know better. We are going to watch the horrifying and evil holiday special that can only match the evil in my cookies, if such a pathetic word can be used to describe the immortal hellscape that has been reduced to a bite-sized confection.

Additionally, why wasn't I informed of this earlier?

UPDATE: We only made it through 35 to 40 minutes of the Special, and even that only because my brother started fast forwarding through the parts containing no human dialogue.

Mmmmm Bake-Off Cookies...

So once again, I declare myself the winner of the 2008 E-True Holiday Cookie E-Bake Off tm. Mendacious D made a spuriously solid attempt at unseating the champion, but ultimately failed as his concocted confection was slightly off. I think his Wormwood-root-embellished-East-Prussian-truffle-flaked-creme-brule puffs went bad in the time it took them to reach me. He did have them sent by African carrier pigeon, so he gets points for style, but loses points for stagflation of flavor.

As for my entry, I went with my traditionally sinful-extragalactic sugar cookies. Of course, they were fantastic again. I would even go so far as to say that what remains of my mind was shattered even further and into teenier, tinier pieces than the last time I followed the Recipes of the Mad Arab. I experienced some oddly coherent visions while tripping back through the doorways of my mind, trekking past the mouth of madness, the tongue of inconceivability, the tastebuds of infinite esoterocity. I will commit these visions to paper and relay them to you through this electronoscopic ether in due time. William Shatner may or may not feature heavily in these visions, as may spandex skirts. Or mayhaps not.

Should you like a trip down memory lane:
The second post.
The third post.
The fourth post.
And I'll leave it up to you to find the confessional post. I once again state that it was all totally worth it.

Holiday Bake-Off: Confection Confessions

Yeah, um, so...

I ate most of my cookies, as did Super Secret Awesomegirl and my family.

What can I say? I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL.

This time, I might actually send them out, or I might just talk mighty amounts of trash. AGAIN.

In any event, my cookies will rock your face and melt your mind.

Kathleen Better Sign The Waiver

I can't promise that she won't get arrested while on my Cobagitation Tour next weekend. We'll hit the White House, AEI, CEI, the Capitol Building. We could even hit the offices of some lobbying firms if she feels up to it. I need to do some research and get some big sheets of sign-quality paper. If anyone else is interested in joining the tour, drop me an e-mail.

Apparently She Said Yes to More Than We Thought

Jennifer admits to something fascinating over at Sadly, No. I've always known she was freaky.

These United States will be in San Francisco on March 23rd

Don't become a cobag by missing them. These United States are great live and great on their album, too. Don't take my word for it, take someone else's word! Music for Robots likes them so much they also included them on a compilation album!

Pinko Punko and fulsome especially should get off their steadily expanding asses and go see the show.

UPDATE: I am now calling out Kathleen. Let's see if she and that good-for-nothing man of hers can muster the simple courage to see a show and meet the fulsome. I think we can all agree that Pinko Punko does not have the stones to attend the show.

Video Response to Cap'n Trollypants

Bring it, chump.

With a great many thanks to Robola and Pants Crew.

One Last Aravosis Post

I am surprised Aravosis isn't pissing and moaning about the Senate Finance Committee stimulus plan. I mean, holy shit dude, they're like totally only giving you $500 dollars if you make under $75,000 a year instead of the $600 of the House plan. Dude, like OMG, that's totally taking money out of your pocket! You should totally get all huffy and throw a fit on your blog about it, Aravosis.

Also, freak cobag drops eight inch log. That post displays a complete and utterly irrevocable lack of understanding of both global climate change and global warming.

Make sure you change the post title every five minutes to prevent other sites from linking to yours, even though you have more ads on Americablog that Vanity Fair. Speaking of vanity...

Author's Note: Getting "all huffy" has nothing to do with Aravosis' gay status, even if he claims that means that he can call people sexist insults, The Genius only thinks of Aravosis as a cobag.

Your Friend is an Idiot but You're a Cobag, Aravosis

In DC, well, again, keep checking out those studios. And another friend has a 900 sq ft condo, and paid more for it than another friend's parents paid for their 6000 sq ft house.

That is a perfect example of something I have said for years, condos are overpriced. I could buy a house in Takoma Park for the prices morons pay for condos. If you really want to buy a condo, wait a bit. Keep saving your money. There are so many condos being finished in DC ever month and all of them are overpriced. Bid under. Like a hundred grand under and you'll likely still get an agent to accept a bid. There are buildings all over town with empty units.

Disecting your statement, I wonder if we can compare those two examples and locate any Emuteuronomy Particles. Your friend bought a 900 square foot condo and paid more than another friend's parents paid for a house TRIPLE the size of the one my parent's owned in Chevy Chase. I'm gonna call bullshit on this one as it reeks of emu and I can clearly see fluffy down all over it. First, appeals to your "friend" are shitty arguments. Second, there is no way your other "friend's parents" bought a 6000 square foot house for less inside the city limits of any city on the East Coast, except maybe waterfront property in New Orleans. A quick search using Our Internet Overlord for "6,000 square foot house for sale in Maryland" and another for "900 square foot condominium in DC" shows that you are so fucking wrong, it must hurt to be you. Unless your "friend" paid way over market and your "friend's parents" are living in Butt Fuck Egypt, there is no way that statement is true. And if that is the case, then your argument was made in poor faith as you are comparing two entirely different real estate markets.

As for the rest of your post, Aravosis, I am formally submitting a reclassification proposal the Board for Emu Identification, Oversight, Theory, Classification and Husbandry to have you relabeled a fluffy cobag. You have used the tools of the right-wing bloggers once too many times, Aravosis. Do not ask for whom the emu squawks, you squawk so that all may hear your squawking and know the sound of the former liberal consumed by selfishness and pride.

Breaking News in the Holiday Cookie Bake-Off 2007 Conspiracy!

Eastern Judge Admits to Bribery! Scandal! Is the Western Judge similarly loose with morals and ethics? She has yet to deny these allegations and some might exclaim that it is irresponsible to toss accusations around the internets despite having solid proof of the perptrators, but The Genius knows that it would be irresponsible NOT to allege and accuses willy-nilly and hidey-ho!

You, loyal minions, must judge these judges guilty on your own recognizance and with what meager mental faculites you can muster.

Cookie Packages Now In System of Tubes

The UPS Store down the street from my office has possession of my contest winning cookies. I hope all the rest of you losers have sent out return slips and are un-submitting your terrible, un-winning cookies.

Can your pans of flan hope to beat a cookie in the shape of a cobag with appropriate art in the frosting? No.

Can your balls of spicy chocolate hope to defeat my Nibbles: In Memoriam Memorial Cookie? No.

Can your loaves of prepared crisps possibly hope to defeat my awesome cobagitating confections? No.

My cookies frighten conservatives into submission, the AEI has added these pastries to their annual watch list! You can't win!

Other Cookie Pictures, Perhaps Less Amusing Than Before

Cookie Jesus gives you the thumbs up

and also wishes peace on earth to those cobagz who maybe don't deserve it.

Expect the packages, judges, for they fly on swift couriers. Ask not for whom The Genius bakes, he bakes for thee.

Cookie Contest 2007 Anticipated Ship Date is Today

I will be mailing out my amazing and contest-winning cookies later today. Expect more pictures. I had to make a second batch of cookies because some frigging gorging bastard broke into my apartment and ate all the previous cookies. Seriously. I should have mailed those cookies that moment the icing cooled because I couldn't help myself. The taste test sort of turned into a spot-on impersonation of Cookie Monster.

In other words:

I MAID U A COOKIE BUT I EATED IT ALL.

The first batch was not up to my exacting standards anyway. The second batch is far superior to mortal man and has at least five asses. Oh shit, I just realized that I wish I had made a half-assed cookie. I did make some Cookie Jesuses (Jesi?) and they turned out well-ish. Pictures to come once I get this frigging USB stick to read.

Fridge Note to AG

In case you hadn't noticed, AG, you are in Conclusion, The Land of Thus, So and Other Summarized Arguments which borders the Kingdom of Endnotes. Most people get there by way of Introductory Paragraph, or sometimes through the Tunnel of Academic Abstract, and pass along the Road of Structured Arguments. There are frequent stops for refreshment in the towns of Evidence and Citation, with the occasional detour in the scenic Valley of Footnotes. Unfortunately for me, and others with whom you converse, AG prefers to skip all that travel business and take a quick jump into Conclusion. The odd aspect of the Land of Conclusion is that the less time you take to travel there, the less substantial the experience of being in Conclusion. In fact, it is frequently said that taking a short trip to Conclusion often results in a significant phonemic change in the traveler's pronunciation of the name of the land in which one has so recently and rapidly arrived.

In a largely unrelated matter, it is time I cut back on my coffee intake. I have said this before and I will say it again but today, I will drink no more coffee than I have so far.

From Hell's Heart, I Bake At Thee

PUUUUUUNNKKKOOOOOO!

Ahem.

Tonight, I bake-a da cookies. You like-a da cookies? I include a picture of some of the ingredients I used:


You will notice the slimy tentacles of my master creeping over and around the flour and sugar. I can not prevent the invasion of His Great and Grotesquely Alien Dimension from seeping into my kitchen. My mixing bowl summons forth the Shoggoth and Mi-Go like moths to the bright candle flame of my Master's terrible glory. MY soul is lost and yours soon will be.

Here you can see the shapeless mass, approaching horrific sentience:


I can barely contain it with three spoons. Thankfully, I have been granted a third tentacular appendage with which to stir my Master's newest assault on sanity. This caustic mixture consumed and annihilated my assistant's mixer. The motor could not long operate within a greater universe that includes a hexadecimal dimension of time and space and imploded, singeing my assistant greatly. It would not be the last wound suffered in the service of my Master.

I am not sure what this is, but it has no place in this contest:

Or does it?

Blue Girl, what is best in baking? I'll tell you: To roll your dough, see it spread before you, and hear the lamentations of the icing.


Some claim to be able to see Jesus in a corn chip or a tortilla, I see secret messages in the icing on my cookies:




What does it mean? The world may never know. My unknown and unknowable Master commanded that I prepare suitable vessels for His terrible confections:


Helob gives her/his/bird/spider's usual opinion: Needs More Crickets.



I predict the esteemed Judges of the Hallowed Holiday Bake-Off will react thusly:

AEI Keeps Sending Me Emails Unrelated to Their Logo or Security Guards

AEI Center for Regulatory and Market Studies 2007 Distinguished Lecture

Cass R. Sunstein, professor of law at the University of Chicago Law School, will deliver the first Distinguished Lecture of the new AEI Center for Regulatory and Market Studies. His subject will be the sources of extremism. He uses recent studies of juries, federal judges, and ordinary citizens to show that groups of like-minded people often move to extreme positions on many questions, including climate change, labor policy, same-sex relations, and affirmative action. This general phenomenon – ideological amplification – helps to explain many things, including punitive damage awards, excessive and insufficient regulation, oppositional movements, political correctness, ethnic conflict, and even terrorism. He will also discuss how cost-benefit analysis, for example, can be used to solve such behavior.

Ten bucks says that this lecture will not feature criticism of Christian extremist groups in the US. I am not going to link to these dodgy cobags. I have repeatedly asked to be removed from their email address but they claim I am "not on their mailing list" despite my continued assertions that I am receiving email at multiple addresses as part of my daily responsibilities at my office. This is only part of the reason I have labeled them cobags but a large part of the reason why I was plenty eager to participate in this.

Phone Pictures of ANSWER Coalition's Peace March Last Saturday

mdhatter and I marched for peace on Saturday, September 15th. We yelled, we chanted, we waved our signs. We even participated in a die-in. We spotted some yellow elephants and shouted at them to enlist. One guy in the march asked me, "Hey, you're a big guy, why don't you go shut those fuckers up?" To which I responded, "Peace on all fronts, buddy." The 60-ish woman next to us said, "Right on, young man." It was a pretty cool event, even if Bush doesn't give a shit about our opinions or demands.

Here are some pictures of the yellow elephants in action:




And here we see a bus all decked out for protests:


Here is a night picture of the Washington Monument, a monument dedicated to someone else who wasn't content to let rampant imperialism control his life:


And a chili dog:

Chili dog to come as soon as Verizon stops sucking. UPDATE: There it is!