Thursday, March 29, 2007

Music Recommendations Shall Be Consumed Saturday Morning

Thanks to everyone who contributed suggestions to this post about my apparent windfall. It may actually happen this week. Or next week. Who knows?

Anyway, while following up on people's suggestions, I went over to Miss Syl's site, Sexeteria. If you are at work right now and I now some of you are, don't go there. Wait until you get home. Anyway, she had a link to a pretty cool song on her site, Because I'm Awesome by The Dollyrots. The song is kinda kickass and it mentions that the singer is awesome and this is because she is smarter than everyone "her brain is really super-sized". That's hot. I think we should get together for a battle of wits.

The planned purchases:
BSG Season 2.0 and 2.5
possibly Rome: Season 1 (cuz I'm Titus Pullo, WENCH!)

Animal Collective - Feels
Golgol Bordello - unknown but whatever I find
Sigur Ros - Ágætis Byrjun
Man Man - Six Demon Bag (That is still a great movie. If you don't know of that which I speak, turn your balls in at the door on your way out.)
Architecture in Helsinki - If they have an album I don't yet own
M. Ward - If something catches my eye
The God Damn Doo Wop Band - if I can find Broken Hearts (Who will also be in Baltimore in July and I am going to that show. I'll skin a cat 34 ways to get there.)
MSTRKRFT - The Looks
Wolfmother - the one with the Frazetta cover art

Science Fiction That is Constantly Attacking Our Marriages

I am currently reading Vellum: The Book of All Hours by Hal Duncan and I am enjoying it, but I am also wondering if I will finish it and then just be totally pissed by the ending. The ending will probably piss me off because I will without doubt that I must go back and read the book again in a far less fragmentary effort. After I had read a chapter or two, I thought that reading it in fragments might be the ideal manner, but since I have moved further into the book I have decided that this might not be the case. The end will likely confirm this.

I will write a full review when I am finished, but right now I can say that I think that both fulsome and teh l4m3 would freaking love it and not because of all teh g4y s3xx0rz in it. The parts describing Reynard's journey are pretty neat because of both their lucidity and because of all the cool stuff that happens that isn't written.

Check out Hal Duncan's blog.

For all the dimwitted morons that read this, the title is a joke.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The Non-Date Date

You all probably know of that which I now type. The phenomenon may not be limited to my life, but it is something that happens more often to me than my friends. I know a couple women in the DC Metro area with whom I like to hang out. These are not women I am trying to hump, regardless of whether the back part of my brain thinks that would be a whole lot of fun and trouble.

We sometimes meet up for dinner, movies, hikes, and shows. I don't think this is at all odd. We are friends and hang out. No big deal. Some people have asked me why I would waste time being friends with a woman I don't plan to date or hump. This is akin to asking why we need a functioning intelligence service or investigative press corps. A fresh female perspective on certain aspects of life is important.

Friends who like to take walks at night and toss a frisbee in a park on a pleasant, mosquito-free evening in March are rare.

I wish there was a frisbee golf range close by that would let me play at night. I could bring the 2 AM Game back.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The Omega Man

My college has this website thing set up that is basically myspace for alumni. Scrolling through the lists of friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends, I can conclude two things: this is taking too much of my time at work and that everyone I knew in college, even vaguely, is now in some stage of being married and/or having children.

I also found, quite by accident, the person that had my mailbox after me. I know who this person is because I opened my mailbox the semester after I had left college for the last time. This person is now in the process of finishing their thesis in "sixteenth and seventeeth century English embroidery." I sincerely hope that is a joke.

Last Night on the World of Warcraft

I was minding my own business and checking out some gear on the Auction House on the World of Warcraft when some jackass started yelling some annoying crap. The yell command allows/forces everyone in the vicinity to hear your inane chatter until they use the command ignore on your noobish ass. I was trying to follow the trade channel chat as well as the Auction House because I was hoping someone might be selling something I could use to twink out one of my characters. This was going well, even though I wasn't finding anything I wanted, until the moron decided to start yelling.

Then some other people of moderately low judgement decided to yell back at the noob. All of this takes place in the same window as the trade channel information and makes the text cycle pretty quickly and very hard to follow the items that are being offered for sale. I sent a whisper to the noob who started the whole thing saying, "Hush." The whisper was an attempt to get him/her/it/bird/spider/bonehead to shut up.

The jackass then immediately retorted with a string of insults and seemed to think I was one of the people yelling at him/her for yelling. The conversation did not last much longer and was not polite. From the tone of her/his comments to me, the noob seemed to feel extremely victimized for the insults other had been throwing at him/her. She/He felt that he/she deserved respect for some reason and that I and others were treating him/her unfairly. I checked back all the chat logs and found no reason why anyone should think her/him to be anything but an idiot.

Sometimes, video games are prophetic. This seems to me to be exactly Ann Althouse's problem.

Monday, March 26, 2007

On the other hand

The bus for Ricockulous Town has arrived right on schedule and I have boarded. I never miss this bus and I never fail to get on if I see it coming. This bus is never late, unlike the MetroBus. This bus also charges fare only when it stops, unlike MetroBus. This bus is always clean and plays nice music and never, ever, never smells like urine, again, unlike Metrobus.

About that raise...

It appears that I will have to wait a month before the raise is enacted. My boss seems to have forgotten to send the notice to the accountant and is now on vacation/recuperation until the end of April.

This sucks.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Friday Morning Musing: Is there such a thing as too much Chuck?

I was walking along the poop-laden trails in my neighborhood with a female acquaintance earlier this week. We were talking about recent dating mishaps in our respective forays on the subject. We had a discussion about her situation and I gave surprisingly even-handed advice on her situation. I made my usual disclaimer that relationship/dating advice from me is to be taken only rarely. In this instance, anyone I know and anyone I don't know would have found my advice more than acceptable and perhaps straight up decent. Once I made the discalimer, she asked me about my most recent attempt at dating AKA Global Warming Denier Girl AKA Hot Liberal That Has Been Duped By The CEI (HLTHBDBTCEI).

My friend asked me a question that I found both strange and interesting. She asked whether GWDG had ever seen "Friend Chuck or if GWDG had only ever seen On Chuck." I admitted that it was likely that GWDG had only ever seen On Chuck since we met at a party and only went on four dates before I blew up about her gullibility. We did have one date at a diner and coffee shop and we talked and had a nice couple hours, but our conversations were sparring matches. I doubt GWDG ever saw Friend Chuck. It takes a bit of relaxation around a person for Friend Chuck to come out. I am not paranoid or reserved, but I have acheived less than desirable outcomes when behaving like Friend Chuck on dates. Once we have seen each other for more than a few dates, you have to break out the Friend Chuck or you just become tiresome; always being snappy and slick with the wit wears on a person after a while. A certain amount of relaxation is needed.

This is not rocket science. If I have figured this out, then I am certain that everyone else reading this learned this back in high school or something.

In the last five dating relationships with which I have complicated my life, I have had trouble with my communication style interefering with my libido's wang style. One person said that everytime she reveals something about herself, I reveal something about myself. She also said that it feels like we are frequently in competition in this regard. I had no idea what she was talking about because I thought I was being sympathetic. I would have disregarded this criticism but at least one other woman has said this. So either to totally unrelated people ahve the same psychosis or I am a jackass that has no idea how to express sympathy in such a way as to continue a relationship that seems alright.

I have recently acquired a FREE copy of "You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women In Conversation." The last and only time I read any of this book, I was a freshman in college and fulsome and I had a good laugh reading it out loud with some girls. The question I have is: If I read this book, am I required to turn in my penis? or will I become an even better pick-up artist?

I don't know if I could get any better than I already am, though I would be willing to test the veracity of that statement.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Operation Chuck Splurge

I am suddenly in a position to pay for stuff. Specifically, stuff I have already bought, perhaps foolishly, with my solitary credit card. I am not going nuts with new loot, as I already own too much junk for the ascetic life I sometimes claim to idealize. I am going to be buying BSG series 2.0 and 2.5 and Firefly, but other than that, I am putting the rest in saving and into my debt hole. Time to start filling that abyss.

I am also investigating a vacation in Slovakia in July. I have earned it. Two weeks, maybe three, of enjoying a fantastically awesome country with bars and clubs and castles and forests. I am no exactly a loner, but things are shaping up that way. I have only one single friend at the moment and he has a job that is rather more difficult to just abandon for a few weeks than mine, I am willing to bet that he won't be able to come. Given my habit of torching every relationship, I am also willing to bet that I won't be travelling with a lady at my side. Meh. I can take it or leave it. Or her, as it were. Besides, have you met any Slovaks lately? Gotterdammerung! Or whatever.

PS. I also plan to spend 50 or 60 bucks on some new music. Suggestions appreciated. Right now I am definitely getting some Man Man, some perhaps coherent Animal Collective and maybe Sigur Ros. Goddam that Questionable Content.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


Through back channel communications I have learned that I got many of the facts of my Idi Amin story wrong. This is why real reporters carry notebooks. I will be correcting these errors as soon as I can.

Also, to those of you who may be wondering where the hell I am, in the same back channels: I am busy, as we all are. Also, I am naturally aloof. I like having conversations but not necessarily through email or on the cellular system through which many of us are linked. My cell phone is a constant reminder of how shitty our telecom system is and for that I hate its America hating-ness.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Tomorrow, I will relocate myself to a hotel downtown for my office's annual conference. We are expecting 3500 people and I expect to spend at least $500 on food. On my office's tab. I can't wait to hit the breakfast buffet again. All that fruit, fried pork, pancakes, waffles, eggs drenched in maple syrup is going to feel fantastic.

In other news, I tried to take an Afro-Carribean dance class on Saturday. I figured it would be something similar to Samba or Salsa which I had a brief fling with in college. It was more like EXTREME DANCE WITH TAE-BO PLUS MEGA PUSHUPS. I only lasted about 35 minutes before I fell apart due to dehydration. It may have been related to my poor diet or it may have been caused by the bouncing pushups across the studio. Or the aikido rolls into a jump with legs up and arms flailing. The women had to do a bunch of shuffle steps and such while I was roped into the cardio exercise from hell. I am still sore, despite going running on Sunday and Saturday. I have been doing pushups to ease the pain, but I still feel bruised.

I am going back to the class in two weeks.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Totally Tarantula Tuesday: Rules for Riding the Capital Crescent Trail

I switched my bike from stationary to regular style on Saturday and rode up the trail to Friendship Heights. This ride should have only taken about 20 minutes and been relatively safe, instead it took about 45 and was frought with peril. The duration of the trip was extended because I have not made as much use of my bike during the winter months as I would have liked. The peril of the trip is due in large part to my foolish lack of proper garments and a rather complete disregard for the implied/suggested rules of the road by my fellow bikers, skaters and pedestrians. In the hopes that I may contribute to the safe enjoyment of the Capital Crescent Trail, I post the following list of rules for trailriding.

1. Always stay on the right side of the trail. Never cross the center line unless you are passing.
2. Always call out to indicate that you are passing another traveller. The use of a bell is encouraged.
3. Never pass when there is oncoming traffic, regardless of whether it is a bicycle or pedestrian.
4. Keep your headlight pointed at the ground in front of you, similar to a car's headlights. DO NOT SHINE IT DIRECTLY AT OTHER RIDERS. This will momentarily blind them at night.
5. Red lights may only be used as tail lights, never as head lights. This is also the law in Maryland. Rollerbladers and pedestrians are also encouraged to wear red lights on their backs at night.
6. Wear a helmet. There are many opportunities to build up an impressive speed on the trail and it is easily possible to be involved in a crash with a combined speed over 40 miles an hour. Accidents at speeds like this are dangerous enough with a helmet, let's leave serious brain trauma out of it.
7. Always walk single file on the trail. Two people walking abreast will occupy the entire side of the trail.
8. Shouting at people as you fly by them on a bicycle is NOT an effective way to change behavior.
8. Keep all pets on a short leash, be they canine, feline, avian or arachnid.
9. Clean up after all pets.
10. Please be courteous and remember that the trail exists for the enjoyment of all.

If anyone else has any serious suggestions, please leave them in the comments section.

There Are Days That Remind Me...

of how I love the internets and the wonderment therein. This is one of them.

Rumors and in jokes that can really make you smile.

Ethics? We don't need no stinking ethics.

Second Life proven to be definitive declaration of No Life. Honestly, if people did this sort of stuff in the World of Warcraft, I would never leave it.

Don't take your self too seriously because then you can't laugh at yourself. We are all the best sources of comedy in our own lives.

Monday, March 05, 2007

You Know What's Awesome?

In the middle of kicking all kinds of ass this weekend on the World of Warcraft, my graphics card started acting funny. It locked up twice and my computer decided to reboot it and then tell me about the problem. This is an event easily classifiable as Not Good. My entire system even shut down entirely once, necessitating me to use the power button on the back of the box.

Given the nature of my previous troubles (detailed here, here and here), I am just going to take it to the store where I bought all the parts and have it worked over. I would do this stuff myself but the only way I know how to do anything with a computer involves plugs, whistles, electricity and inciting tiny invisible people to fly into the machine to harass the ghost into action. You would be surprised how much influence pixies, fairies, angels and other imaginary creatures can have on tangible objects like computers and politicians.

I also figure that I can get the techs to properly install my SATA hard drive and possibly even keep my old ones in fine working order. Then I can have a proper back up of my illegally downloaded music pornography.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Blogger Thinks I Am a Spam Blogger

Yesterday I had a lot of trouble editing my posts. The new blogger seems exactly like the old blogger in this regard. Great. All the old frustrations with the added benefit of dispensing my gmail account info to anyone who wants it. It constantly asks me to input word verifications to publish my posts, and has since I asked for word verification in my comments, but it rarely displays the word verify properly. Well, that is one way to prevent spam blogs. Even when it does diplay the word verification text, it doesn't like accepting the proper one and I am forced to enter 4 before it will let me publish a post.

I hope to soon join the ranks of the people that got the fuck outta Dodge before it turned into Myspace for dataminers.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I May Have Inadvertently Started a Blog Fight Between Wonkette and Big Head DC

When I arrived at the party last night, I wanted to thank Rob at Big Head DC for the invitation. Having no idea what he looks like, I figured I would just ask the first two people who looked bored enough and who happened to be standing next to me. They didn't know who Rob was, nor had they heard of the website. We chatted for a bit and I learned some stuff about Rachel Ray. Then I asked the next couple of people that were standing and glancing around awkwardly. Same story. I then figured that the photographers would have to know the host of the party. So I asked this one dude with fancy camera gear and a stylishly mussed hairdo if he knew who Rob was. He didn't and he looked at me like he was kinda surprised that I was talking to him. My count was now five and o. I got a free pink martini type vodka drink that was pretty sweet. It has the "energy drink shit mixed right in" to quote one excited partier. "It's got all those extracts and shit that Red Bull has but it tastes sooo much better than regular Red Bull mixed with vodka." So grabbed one and after having a couple sips, realized that I better not have any more without eating a few plates of food. I then asked a group of two men and one woman if they who Rob was. They didn't and looked at me like I was speaking Swahili. The drinks were good, but not that good. I was not yet drunk enough to fail to notice the stunning assortment of seriously pretty ladies and the fact that I may have been one of five straight men at the party. I like those odds.

I asked the next group of people and one of them turned out to be Rob's wife. She introduced me and I said thanks and we chatted about the Tucker incident. Then Rob had to introduce Musto and thank Jeff Gannon for co-hosting the event. This is the point where the train went off the rails in my head like the proverbial needle on a junkie's turntable. The dude from the nudie pictures that Clif makes fun of? I better finish this drink. Michael Musto read some of Suzanne Somers poetry and then I fell into a conversation with a fascinating AU law student whom I shall likely never see again. Such is the way of things.

Cruising the sites this morning, I found this interesting bit on Wonkette. For the record, I am nobody's minion. Minions are classed as merely levels 1-5, whereas I am clearly an Epic Level Blogger. I am a Freelance Genius, not a damn minion.

This is funny in a sort of WHA? way.

How A College Term Paper Destroyed Idi Amin

Last night, I got to hang out with the pretty people at a reception for Michael Musto, whom some of you might know from the Village Voice. The dude had a killer striped suit on that reminded me of something Prince might wear.* Instead of reading from his book, he read from a book of Suzanne Sommers poetry. That was hilarious.

As the event started to wind down, I had the pleasure of conversation with some interesting people. I met a gallery owner, a nice law student and Murray Waas. I missed the Drinking Liberally event at which he was scheduled to speak, but apparently the universe thought we should hang out anyway. He told me a neat story that he also gave me permission to blog:

One of his buddies in college wrote a term paper/senior thesis on how to remove a dictator from power through the use of economic sanctions. Murray Waas helped with editing the paper and the guy then went on to work for a State Senator who then became a Representative. This Representative introduced legislation to impose sanctions based on the term paper given to him by his staffer. The sanctions were a major factor cutting Idi Amin off from his western support.

This is a cool story. Of the term papers that I actually finished in college, I am willing to bet that few professors read them, much less any Representatives. Then again, with titles like "The Rise and Fall of the Assyrian Empire" and "Astrology and the Scientific Method"** who the hell would want to read them?

*Peanut butter reminds me of hanging out in the Congo, so take this with a grain of salt.
**Actual term papers written by yours truly.