tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-152600782024-03-23T14:27:16.735-04:00Freelance GeniusI may have a face for radio, but you, sir, have a brain for television.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.comBlogger1104125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-26434834892470644762018-01-13T11:25:00.001-05:002018-01-13T11:25:43.376-05:00CDC: Jay Leno and the Worst Bargain in Gaming History<span data-offset-key="c3hbl-0-0"><span data-text="true">I had a strange dream last night* wherein Jay Leno was trying to get me to buy his used Games Workshop model sprues for an exorbitant amount of cash. We were walking around a parking lot, picking up tennis rackets and softballs and haggling over the price of some as-yet unseen <a href="http://www.necromunda.com/">Necromunda </a>merchandise. Once I had two tennis rackets and a few softballs held in between the rackets, we walked over to Jay Leno's car and he opened the trunk. I tossed in the rackets and balls, and he pulled out a box of plastic sprues from which most of the actual models had already been removed. I asked him why he wanted nearly full retail for all of the sprues when there wasn't even enough to make more than one or two figures with them. He replied that I could make all sorts of cool casualties with these sprues. This was enough for me to collect the two or three sprues that had the most model parts on them and then said I would send him a check for thirty or forty dollars. <br /><br /> I walked past Jay Leno's car, and onto a baseball diamond where some kids from the hotel I suddenly owned were playing baseball on a field near a swamp filled with writhing masses of serpents. I walked over to the edge of the field and looked at the swamp, and everywhere I should have seen water, it was just swirling, sliding, slithering snakes. I never saw a head or a tail, so it was a little odd, but this didn't really bother me in the dream. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="c3hbl-0-0"><span data-text="true">The coach asked me to show the team how to hit a ball so it would almost always result in a home run. I put down my chunks of plastic sprue, and picked up a yellow aluminum baseball bat and a dirty, dusty baseball from the field. There were perhaps hundreds of baseballs lying in the outfield, and all of them looked like they had been there all season. I hit the first one dead on, but it only wen as far as where the center fielder would stand because the ball split along the seams when I hit it. <br /><br />The coach, who was a disembodied voice from the bullpens which were full of staring, unmoving children in baseball uniforms, yelled that I would have to pay for every ball that I broke that way. I picked up another ball, and said I was going to "test something." I tossed the ball straight up so I could hit it in a high arc. The core sailed out of sight while the leather shells would flop to the ground </span></span><span data-offset-key="c3hbl-0-0"><span data-text="true"><span data-offset-key="c3hbl-0-0"><span data-text="true">when I hit the ball</span></span>. The coach then yelled at me, and I responded with "put it on my tab." This went on for a while until I told the coach that his gear was bad and he should be a better coach, and I would send him a check.<br /><br />And then I walked back toward Jay Leno who was still standing by his car's trunk and still talking about reasons I should buy all of his plastic trash and I woke up.<br /><br />* This part of the sentence could have been left out as unnecessary. Who has normal dreams?</span></span>Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-27566700320539965672017-10-13T14:57:00.000-04:002017-10-13T15:02:33.356-04:00Star Trek: Discovery is Bad, and You Should Feel BadThe first episode of Star Trek I can remember watching is <i><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Balance_of_Terror">The Balance of Terror</a></i>, I was home sick from school and the episode played on the old channel DC20 in the middle of the day or late morning. I'm pretty sure it aired at 10:00 am because that was when I turned on the television in my parents' bedroom after convincing myself that my mother wasn't going to suddenly decide she wasn't going to work that day. This thought process is odd because I'm pretty sure my mom was working from home during this period, so maybe she had gone to the grocery store or something. That's all irrelevant, but that's where my mind was while I was watching Star Trek as a child. <br />
<br />
As an adult, Star Trek fills a similar role as Doctor Who, a show that approaches challenges and meeting new species and people with hope and curiosity, even the Daleks and Klingons have been treated with empathy. Not to get pedantic, but the opening sequence makes it pretty damn obvious: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship <i>Enterprise</i>.
Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new
life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before.</blockquote>
<br />
To quote Captain Kirk, he of the flying leg kick, "We fight only when there's no choice."<br />
<br />
After four episodes, my impression of Star Trek: Discovery's opening narration, if it had one, would be: "Victory by any means necessary. Also, fuck all the previously established storylines and precedent." JJ Abrams can pull this off for his movies, opening up new adventures for the crew of the Enterprise, and allowing writers to work within the same universe while also exploring new ground. The first new movie wasn't terrible, it was entertaining, but not great, much like <i>Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home</i>. <i>Star Trek Into Darkness</i> was pretty bad, mostly because the villain had no build up within the story so we weren't invested in him or the threat he represented to the crew. "Hi guys! I'm Khan, even though we rebooted this movie series to allow us to make new movies we are reusing all of the old storylines! Totally not a remake tho!" However to try and shoehorn this sort of mentality into a universe that has previously always been about exploration, about empathy, and ever hopeful is a mistake. Like taking away the Doctor's sonic screwdriver and replacing it with a .44 Space Magnum.<br />
<br />
Star Trek: Discovery feels like someone at CBS wanted a sci-fi show, and all the execs would allow was Star Trek, and so the creators are begrudgingly working within that framework, while bending or breaking it as much as possible. The two-part pilot was ham-fisted at best, and downright shitty at worst. The main problems can be broken into two categories: the heroes and the villains. The interactions between Michael Burnham and her captain were so forced and awkward, you would be forgiven if you thought they had been working together for 7 days, not 7 years. Sure, Burnham was raised by Vulcans, and you might say that is why she was awkward around other humans, but if you watch Spock and Kirk for two minutes, you'd see that excuse as flimsy. After 7 years together, those two characters knew almost nothing about each other, had no trust in each other's decisions, and couldn't communicate effectively in a crisis situation. Essentially, this results from poor writing. <br />
<br />
The villains of <i>ST: Discovery</i> are Klingons on the warpath. Unfortunately, they're terrible, too. Dispensing the established storylines of shows that the creators claim to be working within, the Klingons look like someone had described <i>ST:TNG</i>-era Klingons to a make-up artist who had never seen a <i>Star Trek</i> show over a bad Skype connection. This breaks with the continuity of <i>ST: Enterpris</i>e and <i>TOS</i>. These Klingons are much more savage than Klingons of any era. I could have missed this, but I can't recall any Klingons eating the corpses of their enemies in <i>The Next Generation</i>, and I just finished watching that entire series only last week. Their costumes, armor, ships, and space suits all look like they belong in a fantasy genre show, "let's just throw spikes on everything, that will show everyone how edgy and new these baddies are!" Their entire outlook and costumes have been designed to make them out to be one-dimensional savages with whom there can be no negotiation. That's a violation of Starfleet directive something or other: everyone deserves a chance.<br />
<br />
Ultimately, all this boils down to a show that I might have watched an episode or two of on Netflix, but won't bother watching and certainly won't keep paying for a subscription to CBS All Access. I watched these four episodes on CBS All Access which my lovely lady had signed up to watch the Emmys. We have already cancelled the subscription.<br />
<br />
If I want to watch a new <i>Star Trek</i> show, I'll watch <i>The Orville</i>. Yeah, I said it, Seth MacFarlane's show is vastly better, with thoughtful writing, some funny jokes, some unfunny jokes, and they've stopped mentioning his character's divorce every five minutes.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-67456135860176459832016-04-27T08:50:00.000-04:002016-04-27T08:50:19.072-04:00CDC: Game of Thrones and Sweeney Todd<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">I woke up with an odd tune in my head. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">My dreams were fragmented and medieval, I was watching a host of men laying about with sword and shield. The dream shifted and I was zooming in on a large rowboat approaching land. In the boat I saw Roose Bolton, Sansa Stark, and Ramsay Snow in a boat travelling into a port in the north of Westeros, I knew I was looking at White Harbor, and that maybe I need to lay off the Game of Thrones a little.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">After floating through a lock, the rowboat was connected to a winch by another Hodor-type person, and then pulled violently up a hill by the winch like some sort of Westerosi carnival ride. As the Boltons and Sansa mounted horses and rode off, I heard the voice of the Red Woman recite a strange prophecy to the Brotherhood without Banners. The Brotherhood was slipping between trees and wearing lots of green as the shadowed the Bolton army on the way to the Dreadfort. I think the Brotherhood was singing something, and Grenn was with them. He kicked some serious ass when the BWB snuck into a Bolton holdfast for the night.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">The prophecy involved finding a special boar and feeding to a specific dog so they could get a specific stirring stick and some other ingredients to make some sort of potion. It was very convoluted, as prophecies are, and I woke up mostly because I kept thinking, "well, that's just confusing, how do we know we have the right stick?"</span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">As I woke up, I realized that the Brotherhood without Banners had been singing a mucked up version of the Sweeney Todd theme:</span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">Attend the tale of Ramsay Snow,</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">His face was sweet and his hobbies were odd.</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">Attend the tale of Ramsay Snow,</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">The demon butcher of DREAD</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true">FORT</span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="a2baq-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span>Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-86835147232258315522016-02-10T16:02:00.000-05:002016-02-10T16:04:52.999-05:00The eXercise Files: Season 1, PilotI have struggled with maintaining an active enough lifestyle to balance out my diet since high school. In high school, we were required to take some sort of exercise-requiring class every semester. I made it onto the cross country skiing team in junior year, by nature of showing up and buying the necessary equipment, but mostly I took classes like Archery, Conditioning, Ultimate Frisbee, and Introduction to the Outdoors. Looking back, it seems like I was training for the Hunger Games.<br />
<br />
I like the freedom that biking allows me, I can bike to Mount Vernon from my apartment with only about 100-150 yards of street biking. I can bike up to see my brother and his family in posh Bethesda. DC has a few neighborhoods with decent access to bike paths, and I'm lucky to live in one. I also like the freedom to eat whatever I damn please and douse it in butter that being fit allows me. That may not be completely medically accurate, but it is close enough for horseshoes and heart attacks.<br />
<br />
During the winter, biking is horrible so I set up my bike on an old stationary setup my dad gave me. Staring at a wall while biking gets pretty old pretty fast, but with modern technology I can watch just about anything I want with my unlimited data cellular plan. I bent a metal hanger into a cradle for my phone, and I can bike until I can't anymore. I have a few goals for this fitness adventure: I want to watch the X-Files from start to finish because I missed a lot of episodes over the years and this is better than just sitting on my ass watching...hundreds? of hours of phelevision,* I want to be ripped again like I was when I was on the cross country skiing team and like when I had to chop wood for four hours a day to heat my house, I want to fit into the suits my father gave me that he had tailored for himself in Romania when he was in his mid to late forties, and I want to be able to ride RAGBRAI without collapsing at the end of every day's ride.<br />
<br />
That's the background on what I'm hoping I'll have the endurance to complete as a series on exercising and science fiction.<br />
<br />
After watching season 4 of Continuum, most of The Clone Wars, some of Lost Girl, and a couple movies, I decided that The X-Files would be my next exercise show. While discussing the new X-Files with my ladyfriend, I realized that I couldn't remember much of The Conspiracy, or anything about the seasons involving their kid. Mostly because I kinda stopped watching in the second half of college. I don't think I could be more primed to watch this show with the new series, and the amount of X-Com: Enemy Within (Long War) that I've been playing over the last week or so.<br />
<br />
<b>Pilot:</b> On Monday, I watched the Pilot while pedaling away, and I was struck by a couple things: they look so young, and you can do a lot with a dessicated ape corpse. I remember watching this show in high school, and I only remember two impressions: redheads would forever be on my mind, and you can be pretty scary/creepy if you stand around frowning at people without saying anything. Clearly, the plot was not necessarily what kept me watching, but the combination of these two might lead you to think that I was a pretty creepy kid. You might not be wrong, I always a bit of an <a href="http://freelancegenius.blogspot.com/2006/02/take-5-tarantula-tuesday.html">odd little rock</a>.<br />
<br />
Knowing now what I know of Scully and Mulder's characters, it was almost comforting to see that they were pretty exactly that way from the beginning. Some pilots are still working out how things are going to work in the show, but Scully and Mulder, and even the plot, were pretty much exactly the same as they were when they showed up in the first episode of the resurrected series, skeptic and believer with all of their evidence on fire. The Conspiracy gets off to a slow burn of a start, but it is the right kind of start, the Smoking Man is mysterious, and the Pentagon Vault is also mysterious. JJ Abrams could learn a lot about setting up a story from Chris Carter. <br />
<br />
<b>Biggest question:</b> Why the hell did they back down when the Sheriff threatened them off the crime scene? As I understood it, the FBI had jurisdiction and he had a gruff voice, they should have forced him off.<br />
<br />
<b>Favorite scene:</b> the autopsy of the dessicated ape corpse. Why? Scully gets tired of Mulder's blatant unprofessionalism, she's curious and proceeding scientifically, and he's acting like a sugar-high kid. I suspect this is a recurring dynamic.<br />
<br />
<b>How does it fit in with the new series:</b> the pilot does not contradict the new series at all, the identities and motives of the abductors remain unknown. I have developed a convoluted explanation for how the revelations of the new series fits in with the old series, but I will refrain from discussing that until after this season of the new series has finished airing.<br />
<br />
<b>Scully's suit:</b> Grey plaid is not a good look for her.<br />
<br />
<b>Mulder's hair:</b> Almost sported a pompadour in one scene, skirting the edge of acceptability for a representative of the FBI, agent.<br />
<br />
<b>Final thoughts:</b> So when are they restarting Space: Above and Beyond?<br />
<br />
* That's mine, I made it up just now and you have to credit me when you use it.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-53587195284866833152016-01-05T11:34:00.002-05:002016-01-05T11:34:56.179-05:00Liquid Diets<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">For 71% of all days, I'm on a 30% liquid diet. In the morning, I drink an instant breakfast with almond milk, then most of a French press of coffee, and then some water. I don't know if I'm losing weight, but I'm certainly suffering for my goals. Well, not really, I actually enjoy the various fluids I'm ingesting and I get right to going about my day which mostly consists of crawling through the ruins of the imaginary wasteland of Boston.*</span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">My bike is once again set up as a stationary exercise bike in the hopes that I will actually get some exercise this winter. So far, I know I've changed a little since I last tried this because I've been on the bike more than once. I'm going for three days on and one day off, and my duration keeps improving. I'm training to bike across Iowa again with my father this summer. My brothers all suggest that maybe we both go on a slightly less intimidating ride, like the 38 minute round trip circuit my father makes from his front door to his front door with a stop for a bear claw in the middle.</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">To my brothers, I say: have you ever tried to tell our father to cut it out? I haven't had any success with this, but I'm still alive after arguing with him about Chelsea Manning/Edward Snowden and how they are not at all different from the Pentagon Papers and the various Vietnam War era protests except in one way: I haven't programmed Chelsea Manning's VCR, nor have I programmed Edward Snowden's VCR. Not like either of them would have a VCR anymore, even if they weren't in their respective situations.</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">The point is that my father is an intimidating man, even when he isn't trying to be, and that is mostly due to his RDVF, Resting Darth Vader Face. As such, he needs an equally intimidating challenge for a bicycle trip, and this is why he trains for <a href="http://ragbrai.com/">RAGBRAI</a>. He has said the same thing each year, "I think this will be my last trip, it's not as much fun" or "this is an actual pain in my ass" or "I haven't trained as much, so I probably won't register for the ride" or "your mother would prefer if I didn't go" or "I'm busy teaching this kid advanced algebra with trigonometry so she can go to college to be a homeschooled kid who is a chemical engineer" or "Call The Midwife is on, call me back tomorrow."</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">When I spoke to him a couple days ago, Father Genius said that he had been on the bike for the last couple days, and didn't think he would be in shape to register, which is exactly what he said last year, and then he registered and only notified me of this on the last possible day to register. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">You can understand my frustrations. These are twofold: one, my father could be better about letting me know in time that he is actually going, and, two, he is not a thirtysomething, mustachioed genius but he can still ride across Iowa every year while I barely survived the same trip, and, three, my brothers leave it to me to try and convince him to bail on the ride, and, four, that they just don't seem to grasp that it is happening no matter what they say.</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">So...I guess I'm saying happy new year, cobags!</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">* As opposed to the actual wasteland of Boston, HAYOO.**</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">** I havent' been to Boston since 2006, I imagine it has gotten a little better.***</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">*** Double burn, bro.****</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">**** Wait, why am I congratulating myself on making fun of Boston?*****</span></span><br />
<br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">***** You've fallen into old, dumb habits, like excessive asterisk use.******</span></span><br />
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span>
<span data-offset-key="7oth0-0-0"><span data-text="true">****** Oh, shit. You're right.</span></span>Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-73670349605443346912015-03-20T11:41:00.000-04:002015-03-20T11:41:51.032-04:00The Event Horizon of AnxietyThere aren't any personal-level events that strike me with an existential terror. As an adult male human of the large, imposing, American, hairy sub-types, I don't worry about physical violence, accidental death, accidental maiming, or much else. I don't worry about these because should they happen, I will not be the initiator and thus these events will be out of my control. There's nothing to worry about in events I can't control for what I think are obvious reasons, and need no explaining. <br />
<br />
There are a few impersonal-level events that do strike with an existential terror, on a fairly regular basis and while I recognize the irrationality of this fear since the events will be far outside of my ability to help or control, I still think about them. Surviving a nuclear exchange is one such event, and I agree with my father's words to 8 year old me, "if there is going to be a nuclear war, I would prefer that you and your brothers not live to see the world after." That was an interesting trip to the guidance counselor after a duck and cover drill.<br />
<br />
One of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdHoYtBzdX0">my favorite movies</a> details the after effects of another sort of event that wakes me up at night. The simple premise is this: sometimes humans are too smart for their own good, and sometimes we experiment with shit that could result in a bad event, the sort of bad event that instantly causes us, our planet, or possibly even the universe to just go away. I'm smart enough to have gone further with my education but as a young genius I was unmotivated and that might be for the best because I'd probably treat the LHC as the biggest Nerf gun and mini black holes as foam darts. In other words, I'm smart enough to know exactly how crazy I am for worrying about this, but I'm still just a genius who worries about one or two things. <br />
<br />
I was reading about some ideas some other smart people have for detecting the presence of other dimensions through the detection of mini black holes using the LHC and science to do sciencey things when the anxious voice in my head said, "this is how the universe ends, if you can bend or break a fundamental rule of the universe and then everything goes blip." I thought about this for a minute, my mouth full of coffee and my brain full of stupid. Then I remembered that the universe is really big. Like, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buqtdpuZxvk">really really really big.</a> We know that the universe is big because look up at night, that just goes on for effectively forever. If that alone isn't enough to remind you that no matter how smart you are, you're still just a bag of meat on a rock, then you're probably a priest who is utterly confident of your place in some imaginary plan. The fucking arrogance of thought that the idea of a greater plan to life just irritates the ever-loving shit right of me. Seriously, if I'm constipated I'll just think about "God's plan for you" and then I'm destroying porcelain. That's the worst type of consolation, there's a plan for all suffering so that makes it ok because you're meant to experience life this way, starving orphan or crack-addicted newborn or mildly inconvenienced middle-aged person. I'll be right back.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I was describing how I logiced my way out of anxiety. The point is that the universe is big, there millions or billions of galaxies, and those galaxies have lots of stars, and some of those stars must have planets, and some of those planets will have life, and some of that life will be multi-cellular, and some of that multi-cellular life will be investigating the universe just as we are. Since the universe is around 18 billion years old as far as we can tell, and our planet is only about 4 billion years old (suck it, creationists), and since there may be very old black holes which may or may not have started as stars, there exists the possibility that there is a much older civilization of intelligent enough creatures to build a Large Hadron Collider-equivalent. The universe is so vast, ooo you are so big, that this possibility is really more of a certainty. So my fears of some genius like me who wants to play Nerf tag with a particle accelerator and some micro black holes accidentally destroying this existence are stupid because if that were possible someone would have done it by now. <br />
<br />
Now all I have to worry about is some sort of localized disruption of the time-space continuum rendering this section of time-space so wibbly-wobbly that we can not exist within it. That is much more comforting.<br />
<br />
Of course the unlikeliest event of all would be the arrival of an alien super-intelligence and the co-opting of all life on this planet, but that's probably not going to happen and would be essentially the same as the events of the previous paragraph. I am so relieved.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-17140741726888831952014-06-10T08:30:00.003-04:002014-06-10T08:30:37.502-04:00You and Me BothA Softer World <a href="http://www.asofterworld.com/index.php?id=1114">cuts right to the bone</a> with just a few words.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-12819045092238036612014-03-02T03:28:00.000-05:002014-03-02T10:35:49.662-05:00This Shit is HappeningFor those of you who don't have the pleasure of saying, "yeah, I've gotten blotto like The Otto with The Genius" you might not know that this is a thing that happens on the reg. June 2014, San Francisco, if you're counting. And I am, so you should be.<br />
<br />
Funny story, true story, it doesn't happen all that often, ask anyone, so you should be pleased to be a part of it, if it does happen in the vicinity of your domicillius. One of those words may not have previously existed before I typed it. If you don't know which word it is, you won't get any prior posts so stop trying.<br />
<br />
And this is the humble version of me.<br />
<br />
I don't use the mic on kareoke night. But long time readers knew that already.<br />
<br />
I rocked "You've Lost That Lovin' Feeling" before I knew what the feeling was. I was right then, and I'm right now, except for that one thing where I'm probably completely wrong.<br />
<br />
<br />Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-21974207884238465912013-11-22T14:00:00.000-05:002013-11-22T14:00:36.918-05:00A Song For That Guy On The StreetJust cruising down Mount Pleasant, yelling out a song in Spanish. I think it was a love song because I heard "corazon" and all the latinas were giggling at him. This video goes out to you, amigo.<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/QQM00K24qG8" width="560"></iframe><br />Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-24703776990562877112013-11-04T23:59:00.003-05:002013-11-05T00:17:54.934-05:00CDC: Jennifer Garner, LeChuck, Blonde Hollywood Teen Star #7<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:WordDocument>
<w:View>Normal</w:View>
<w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom>
<w:TrackMoves/>
<w:TrackFormatting/>
<w:PunctuationKerning/>
<w:ValidateAgainstSchemas/>
<w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid>
<w:IgnoreMixedContent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent>
<w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText>
<w:DoNotPromoteQF/>
<w:LidThemeOther>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther>
<w:LidThemeAsian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian>
<w:LidThemeComplexScript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript>
<w:Compatibility>
<w:BreakWrappedTables/>
<w:SnapToGridInCell/>
<w:WrapTextWithPunct/>
<w:UseAsianBreakRules/>
<w:DontGrowAutofit/>
<w:SplitPgBreakAndParaMark/>
<w:DontVertAlignCellWithSp/>
<w:DontBreakConstrainedForcedTables/>
<w:DontVertAlignInTxbx/>
<w:Word11KerningPairs/>
<w:CachedColBalance/>
</w:Compatibility>
<w:BrowserLevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel>
<m:mathPr>
<m:mathFont m:val="Cambria Math"/>
<m:brkBin m:val="before"/>
<m:brkBinSub m:val="--"/>
<m:smallFrac m:val="off"/>
<m:dispDef/>
<m:lMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:rMargin m:val="0"/>
<m:defJc m:val="centerGroup"/>
<m:wrapIndent m:val="1440"/>
<m:intLim m:val="subSup"/>
<m:naryLim m:val="undOvr"/>
</m:mathPr></w:WordDocument>
</xml><![endif]--><br />
<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
<w:LatentStyles DefLockedState="false" DefUnhideWhenUsed="true"
DefSemiHidden="true" DefQFormat="false" DefPriority="99"
LatentStyleCount="267">
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="0" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Normal"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="heading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" QFormat="true" Name="heading 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="toc 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" QFormat="true" Name="caption"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="59" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" SemiHidden="false"
UnhideWhenUsed="false" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
</w:LatentStyles>
</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
mso-style-priority:99;
mso-style-qformat:yes;
mso-style-parent:"";
mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt;
mso-para-margin:0in;
mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt;
line-height:115%;
mso-pagination:widow-orphan;
font-size:11.0pt;
font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif";
mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri;
mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;
mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri;
mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;}
</style>
<![endif]-->
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just had a dream in which I was living in a lovely duplex
house above a seaside cliff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The duplex
had a huge yard with some lovely hedges, a nice garden, and a bench by the
cliff for assignations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were
several acres of gardens, and no real reason for the house to be a duplex which
might explain why the other half was empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There was a large pile of newspapers in front of the door to the other
house, and it bothered me daily but the real estate agent said I couldn’t clean
it up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had moved there to research
some super-rum invented by the Pirate LeChuck from Monkey Island.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had possibly nefarious reasons for this
research, and was trying to hide it from my neighbors in the duplex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even though there was no one living next
door, I was still secretive about my super-rum recipes and research.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I closed all the curtains and watched old
16mm films of LeChuck in action in the basement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These weren’t fiction, they were like family
films from the 50s and 60s, but filmed by a member of the Pirate LeChuck’s
crew.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was Halloween, and I had forgotten to purchase any
candy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man from down the lane
brought his children to my door for Trick or Treat, along with an enormous Grizzly
Bear-sized dog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dog liked me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I answered the door and was confused about
the kid’s constumes, and said, “All Saint’s Day! Of course!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hold here a moment while I locate some
sweeties.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put my Model 1865 revolver
on the floor behind the door, and dropped the crossword over it so the kids
wouldn’t see it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The father did, and was
only slightly bothered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was then that I realized I was Dracula teaching Biology
or some -ology at a college, and my students and I were preparing for a
whitewater rafting trip, upon which I was only planning on feeding on some of
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also realized that I had just
used an entire bag of Starbursts in my latest batch of super-rum, and only had
a one of each basic color left, but they were soaking in a coconut-husk mug of
extremely potent, but ultimately not the super-rum, rum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sheepishly turned to the family, and nearly
walked into the enormous dog who was perfectly silent<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in my creaky duplex, and held out the
Starbursts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“These have been soaking in
some rather potent rum, so I doubt you want your delightful children eating
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sorry, children! I let my
research overwhelm me sometimes, you know how it is.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They shook their heads and stared at me, and I realized I
probably just showed the whole family my fangs, good thing it was
Halloween.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The father started waving the
kids on, saying that they would try the next house, and that maybe those people
were considerate enough of the long walk down the drive to actually have some
candy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said that wasn’t likely as the
other half of the duplex was empty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
promised to deliver some candy tomorrow night, as that was All Soul’s Day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The father gave me an odd look and hustled
his children out the door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The gigantic
bear dog stayed with me, and it must have decided to move in because it had red
eyes now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jennifer Garner was one of my students, but not one of those
I was planning on devouring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had
left her laptop and mountain bike at my house after one of the planning
meetings for the whitewater rafting trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She was annoyingly nosy, and trying to discover my secret. We had to make a trip back to my house to allow her to collect her bike and computer, and she tried to slip into my basement. I told her that I kept it locked because of the rum brewing equipment. I didn't tell her about the coffins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The evening before the trip, we were all
staying overnight in the biology department's hallways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the students had said that he had
noticed that I could hold my breath for a really long time, during an incident
on a practice trip wherein I had saved a couple of my students from
drowning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>During this incident, I had
learned that these students were also supernatural, the boy some sort of tree-fairy
person, and the girl some sort of rock-fairy person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I resolved that I would feed on and kill this
annoying blonde student who looked a little bit like any fungible blonde
Hollywood actor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one would notice his
disappearance, but until I murdered him I was going to mess with his head by
forgetting to breathe around him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think I actually held my breath because the next section of the dream was
dominated by an increasingly loud heartbeat and pressure building in my chest
in a way that shouldn’t happen to Dracula or any other vampire because they don’t
need to breathe unless they are talking.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Someone suggested a game, and broke out a copy of Geeks
Bidding on Closing Game Store Merchandise, with art by John Kovalich and a
rules combination of Munchkin and Fluxx and Uno.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We played this for a while, and then my
brother suggested we watch his Lord of the Rings fan movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had not noticed that he was on the trip
before this.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The movie covered various aspects of the Silmarillion,
primarily dealing with Faenor fighting Morgoth, Gandalf smoking his pipe and talking, and
the Fall of Gondolin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It didn’t make a
whole lot of sense even from my perspective as a dreamer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think Gandalf may have been meant to be a
narrator.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was played a rabbit in grey
robes and not a man with a beard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This
movie featured stop motion animation, looked like a modern Terry Gilliam Monty
Python animation, and had music by the choir from the Lemmiwinks episodes of
South Park.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A large mouse in a white wizard hat, maybe Saruman, picked
up Morgoth’s hammer after Morgoth’s defeat and used it to smash several
characters back to life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were lying
in circles on the ground, and the mouse smashed them with the gigantic hammer
and the sprung to life and started singing, then the God from Monty Python’s
Quest for the Holy Grail showed up from behind some clouds and the smash
resurrected people walked off into the clouds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All I could think was that all of this was completely non-canon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not exactly sure how I was going to survive on a
whitewater rafting trip as a vampire, but this was a dream, so I’m not
responsible for making it logical.</div>
Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-81913714595974248172013-05-31T11:35:00.000-04:002013-06-07T19:49:26.117-04:00Money Laundering: A Quick How-To-Get-Away-With-ItOn Wednesday, May 29, 2013, the <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/business/economy/seven-men-charged-in-liberty-reserve-global-money-laundering-operation/2013/05/28/0999536c-c7ce-11e2-8da7-d274bc611a47_story.html">Washington Post called the Liberty Reserve "one of the biggest laundering operations in history."</a> Liberty Reserve stands accused with laundering six billion dollars. For certain definitions of big, this statement could be considered accurate. In the real world, this is like called a house sparrow one of the biggest birds in history. <a href="http://therealnews.com/t2/component/content/article/75-william-black/1611-how-dare-doj-insult-hsbcs-crooks-as-less-professional-than-liberty-reserves-crooks#.UaizgNiVjg0">HSBC was accused with laundering an estimated two hundred fifty billion dollars for Iran</a>, as well as failing to properly monitor another six hundred seventy billion dollars of wire transfers and almost another ten billion in purchased US Dollars.<br />
<br />
Let's put those amounts in numbers:<br />
Liberty Reserve: 6,000,000,000<br />
HSBC: 930,000,000,000<br />
<br />
Hey, that's a lot of zeros. Let's strip these down and ask an eight year old which is bigger.<br />
Genius Nephew, which of these two numbers are bigger: 6 or 930?<br />
* Not pictured, my nephew laughing at me, calling me silly, and pointing at 930.<br />
<br />
Seven people have been arrested in the Liberty Reserve case. Not one person has been arrested relating to the HSBC laundering case. Let's go back to my Financial Investigator, my eight year old nephew:<br />
Genius Nephew, which of these two numbers are bigger: 7 or 0?<br />
* Not pictured, my nephew laughing at me, calling me silly, and pointing at 7.<br />
<br />
The lesson is quite clear. If you're going to launder funds, go big or go to the big house. Laundering money is fine as long as the amounts involved are staggering, and you use the profits to expand your business into credit cards and other types of loans.<br />
<br />
You might think that I am an anarchist advocating that the government shouldn't bother prosecuting cases like this in the new age of the internet, the greatest social experiment yet, but I'm not. I am a progressive with some mild anarchist tendencies, usually only expressed while inebriated, advocating the radical idea that governments apply their laws to everyone, not just the conveniently prosecuted.<br />
<br />
I'm also disappointed with the Post for the lazy reporting. Calling Liberty Reserve "one of the biggest" when HSBC was two* orders of magnitude larger is ludicrous. $6 billion is chump change compared to $980 billion. Even the Republicans wouldn't argue too much over six billion in a budget debate, but nine-hundred eighty billion gives anyone pause. To put that in recent news perspective, that is more than 2,940 massive Powerball jackpots. Imagine if three people won 300+ million dollar jackpots every day for the next two and a half years. Just ludicrous.<br />
<br />
* Thanks, Pinko Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-29820925078987144662013-05-24T02:09:00.001-04:002013-05-24T12:43:16.495-04:00So That HappenedSome moments you feel <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY_8woQ-HEA">utterly wrecked and confused</a>, while other moments you feel nothing. Some moments you're <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svoGMzUoT30">so angry</a> you can't speak because you will unleash a fury on an innocent, while other moments you feel only slight loss. Most moments you just wonder <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dZgRkNTlfU">what the fuck</a> to do now.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-55818698340005309652013-05-12T03:25:00.000-04:002013-05-12T03:34:09.116-04:00To George and Susan on Their Wedding DayThis is not the toast I gave, but the toast I wrote before I was convinced that this toast was better absorbed through the eyeballs than the auditory nerve. The actual toast I gave will follow on a later date. Following that, I may give a lecture on how to give toasts, depending on how these two posts are received.*<br />
<br />
"There's been a lot of talk about the definition of marriage lately. *Pause for laughter* People have argued this til the boring end, and yet I do not stand here to speak about the definition of marriage. I wonder about the meaning of marriage. What does it mean for two people to stand in front of their friends and family and declare that they will be married. What does it mean in this world, in this time, for two people to be married?<br />
<br />
We hear no end of suffering, we see no end to bloodshed, we see no peace among the disparate groups of humans on this planet. Misery seeps through our lives, infecting every aspect. Cynicism rots our core until we can no longer raise a hand in aid of another. What does it matter that two people wish to join their lives, to entwine their fates, in the face of such utter hopelessness, despair, and cynicism? What can we do as witnesses, but bear the silent burden?<br />
<br />
Bear with me, folks, this does lead to a point. * Pause for nervous laughter.*<br />
<br />
When two people stand up to be married, they are defying the naysayers, the broken ones, and the fearmongers. Two people who love each other enough to stand in front of those they value most in the world to say "I love you, and will hold your heart above all else in this world" are expressing defiance. Defiance in the face of despair, hope in the face of suffering, and romance in the depths of cynicism.<br />
<br />
Marriage is the ultimate rebellion. Marriage is punk rock. Marriage is a middle finger held up to an uncaring universe. Marriage is a defiance of the unending wave of terror that floods our lives from all directions. Marriage is a beacon of warmth, love, hope, and romance in a threatening world, and we witnesses will always be ready to remind you of this day. This day when you stood in front of all the people who matter to you and said, "I love you, and take thee to be my partner in all things."<br />
<br />
* Received has always looked like a misspelled word to me.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-4587352898850389282013-05-09T00:01:00.001-04:002013-05-09T00:08:59.020-04:00Varying Degrees of AwfulLast Saturday, I was walking into my local Metro station when I was asked for spare change by an allegedly homeless person. The exchange damn near broke my spirit because it happened like this:<br />
<br />
"Hey, man, spare some cha-oh, sorry, bro."<br />
<br />
I was wearing some green, heavy-duty carpenter's pants that I use as hiking pants. They are durable, but have wide enough legs that the thick denim isn't stifling, even in a DC summer. These pants are pretty faded, worn around the hem, and have some permanent grass stains at the knees. I was also wearing a green, long sleeve shirt that I always think makes me look like a revolutionary. Apparently, I looked so pathetic that even a homeless man didn't want any change I might have had.<br />
<br />
Thanks, Universe. I needed this. Everything is now cobagulating.<br />
<br />
I try to remind myself that my life could be so much worse, but this doesn't feel helpful. Everything can always be worse. There can always be some other, larger, more hideous monster around the corner. As much as I sympathize with the plights of so many people in the world, reminding myself that other people live in utter terror for their lives doesn't make me want to thank the Good Lord Pasta for my life. I am torn between feeling guilt for being lucky enough to be born who I was born, and for trying to assuage that guilt by remembering that I didn't have any choice in the matter, so far as I know.<br />
<br />
At least I can go to sleep, reminding myself that life isn't fair, there is no plan. This comforts me more than any other platitude. Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-14800254152621707192013-04-08T12:28:00.003-04:002013-04-08T12:29:50.790-04:00Goofy Confessions Used to be ThingConfessional Mondays or whatever used to be one of those go-to joke posts or go-to emotional posts that people would use for inspiration in the days before Facebook consumed all everything. To remind myself to attempt to live up to my own ideals, here is a hopefully funny, but probably lamely egotistical posts.*<br />
<br />
I often confuse Cracker Barrel with Crate and Barrel.<br />
<br />
I thoroughly enjoy and support high school robotics competitions, but worry about the use of drone technology by any entity.<br />
<br />
I don't read as much as I'd like, but I am playing video games much less than earlier times in my life.<br />
<br />
I can barely keep up with the pace of the New Yorker's print schedule, mostly because I spend so much time in my garden during the day.<br />
<br />
I have not applied to jobs because I was worried I would be offered those jobs.<br />
<br />
I find mowing my lawn tedious, but will spend hours weeding around my roses, hyacinths, irises, and lilies.<br />
<br />
I am willing to shoot a deer, but almost cried when I ran over a hiding rabbit with my lawnmower. <br />
<br />
I refuse to look in medical textbooks, unless I am forced to perform surgery after the whateveralypse.<br />
<br />
I have many books on my shelves that I haven't read because I want my guests to think I have read them. This desire has greatly lessened since Lady Chemisty joined my life.<br />
<br />
I like to think advertising doesn't work on me.<br />
<br />
I have yet to finish writing a single story.<br />
<br />
* 90% of this sentence is redundant.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-8773624955176213932013-03-03T01:33:00.000-05:002013-03-22T13:24:41.049-04:00Cooking With Reckless Abandon: Bacon and Egg BiscuitsSo here's the thing about these amazingly awesome breakfast cupcakes: I was inspired by a picture I saw on Imgur. I didn't bookmark it, so I can't link to it. Imgur uses a shit-ton of my monthly allotment of internet, so I am not able to go searching through piles of pictures. If you have a problem with this, go blog about it. The only reason I am prefacing this recipe with this information is to explain why I am not naming these biscuits anything fancier than Bacon and Egg Biscuits. Had I invented them, I might call them Grandmother's Revenge, or perhaps The Uncanny Canadian's Secret Desire.<br />
<br />
Let's get down to biscuitness:<br />
Ingredients: <br />
Coffee - Preferably hot and fresh, like my women. Ha.<br />
Bisquik - Yeah, this is straight up unpaid product placement, but I don't care so you should shut your dirty mouth.<br />
Milk - Thanks for the check, cows.<br />
Garlic - I put this in just about everything now. Deal with it.<br />
Bacon - Whatever kind you like. I used some Costco thick-cut, hickory smoked.<br />
Eggs - The kind that comes out of a chicken. If you have access to ostrich eggs, you may need less of those.<br />
Spices - You can forgo these if you are Scandinavian or live in the Midwest and claim a specific ethnic heritage but can not actually speak the language of your ancestors.<br />
<br />
<br />
Make some coffee. Start your oven preheating your oven to 450, if you're using a convection oven this should end up at 425. Drink some coffee. Slap that slab of bacon on your cutting board, take a look at your cupcake pan, and cut some strips of bacon into thirds. I chose thirds because I didn't think I had enough bacon to provide a full lining around the edge of each cupcake divot. If you have a full bacon lining, that might be more grease than you would like, but you can always eat a few more salads next week, maybe go for another jog next month. Put your bacon sections in the cups, and drink some more coffee. Remember to wash your hands.<br />
<br />
Make some biscuits from the back of the Bisquik box, 2 3/4 cups of mix and 2/3 cup of milk. Think about the total package for a minute while drinking some coffee. Refill your cup while you remember everything about these biscuits, the bacon you're using, and every egg that you have ever consumed. Drink some coffee, and then grab some garlic. Smush your cloves with the flat of the blade, just like Anthony Bourdain or The Half-Blood Prince would, then dice the cloves. Throw the garlic into the bowl with the mixed biscuit dough, drink some coffee, and then knead the garlic into the dough. Tear the dough, knead it, and really mix that garlic into the proto-biscuits.<br />
<br />
Wash your hands, drink some coffee, and then contemplate the nature of cupcakes and biscuits. Even if you are using a non-stick pan, I would recommend smearing the bacon around the cupcake divots to grease the divots, just in case. Tear a bit of dough, about a one to two inch thick ball, and squash that into the bottom of each divot. You want to fill the divots no more than half-full. <br />
<br />
Now, you are ready for the egg phase of this masterpiece. Drink some coffee, and then grab an egg. Take a spoon, or maybe a knife, and whack the narrower part of the egg. You want to crack the egg, but not shatter it. Pour the egg into the cupcake divots, over the dough. The bacon will fill the role of the paper lining people sometimes use with cupcakes. When you've finished topping all the divots with eggs, wash your hands, and drink some coffee. Maybe remind yourself that you won't stay up until 3 am cruising Imgur again. If you want to cut down on the number of eggs used, you may not own a flock of chickens. As I was saying, if you want to cut down on the eggs, you could try mixing the eggs before pouring them over the divots. I would estimate that you could probably get away with only 2/3 the eggs, as compared to the eventual biscuits. For today's recipe, I could have probably used eight eggs for twelve biscuits.<br />
<br />
Grind some fresh pepper over the eggs, drink some coffee, and then put the whole pan in the oven for about 12-13 minutes. I set the timer for 8 minutes, since the Bisquik box said 8-10 minutes for pure biscuits, but I ended up leaving them in for another 5 minutes. The eggs developed large bubbles, and I poked these after 8 minutes because I knew that the thin egg in the bubble could get burned or crusty.<br />
<br />
Anyway, once the eggs look done enough, take the pan out of the oven, wake up your sweet babboo, drink some coffee, consume the biscuits, and marvel at my genius.<br />
<br />
Variants: You could add cheese to the dough, or sprinkle some on top of the egg. You can use other spices, like some provincial herbs on the eggs, or chopped fresh rosemary from your garden in the dough. Chives would also work, but I would put those in the dough or between the dough and eggs.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-10762230311856540262013-03-01T19:24:00.000-05:002013-04-08T12:30:09.960-04:00Philosophy in Comic FormThis recent <a href="http://amultiverse.com/2013/02/25/the-problem-of-evil/">Scenes from a Multiverse</a> reminded me of <a href="http://www.actionphilosophers.com/">Action Philosophers</a>. I should reread my collections, and maybe my philosophy texts.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-92089616620005813772013-01-30T07:14:00.002-05:002013-01-30T07:15:33.509-05:00HousewarmingThrowing a housewarming party, or a wedding, is not that hard at the core of it. You invite friends and family, maybe some neighbors, maybe your real estate agent, and then a few people who you don't expect to show up. You organize some snacks and a selection of drinks, coordinate some musical entertainment, and the party handles itself as long as people actually show up. Typically, there is some gift-giving, unless you are in the habit of throwing these sorts of parties less than once a year. The typical gift is some sort of useful home tool or accent. You know the crap of which I write, candles, towels, big spoons, breadmakers, wall hangings, etc.<br />
<br />
These gifts are all supposed to help you make the place a home. Your friends have given you these things to ease your transition from one space to another, and in the case of a wedding, from one lifestyle to another. There you were, with those things that were yours, and here you are, with these things that are the happy couple's. You don't need to worry about how you will grate your cheese from now on, but you will worry about who will shower first. You can focus on the two of you, now that you have an automatic coffee maker. You can throw away that towel that other women or men have used, but you can not throw out those memories. You have the time to talk while the slow-cooker makes dinner for the next few nights. You have an unsafe number of scented candles gathering dust on your bookshelf, but now you need to buy a new bookshelf because that one doesn't quite fit the style you're aiming for in this room. You buy furniture with a style, formerly second to purpose.<br />
<br />
Somewhere in all this, the relationship will fall into place. These gifts will aide you in merging two lives into one. All fear for the future will be eased matching flatware and silver. All doubts will disappear as the home becomes a comfortable place. All desire will dissipate under the relentless wheel of routine.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-43181093054495004832012-12-14T09:22:00.002-05:002012-12-14T09:22:57.882-05:00I Got Your Cup of Cheer Right HereAnd I spiced it with cinnamon and nutmeg!<br />
<br />
In ages past, I hated Christmas. The Shopping Season emphasized everything about my culture that I absolutely despised, with the added feelings on intense disappointment in my family when they didn't give me what I requested.* I remember a December when I received exactly nothing on my list, and I thought my family was a bunch of jerks who thought they knew better than me. I was thirteen or something, so just about anyone other than my brother did know better than me, but that didn't stop my from being an angry little snotrag about it.<br />
<br />
I abandoned this feeling of disappointment a few years later for a whole new feeling of disappointment in humanity as expressed in American media. This feeling was only intensified by being unable to buy anything for the people I wanted to give stuff. I was in boarding school and then college, and any money I made during the summer didn't last longer than my short-sighted budget. The only gift that I bought that I still remember and feel somewhat good about was a special mug I bought for my dad when I was a sophomore.** <br />
<br />
I wanted to be happier during this time, because I like my family, for the most part. I like visiting them, and we have fun together, despite my brother's attempts to ruin everything with plans. I found it hard to be cheerful when I was bombarded with scenes of utter assholery in malls and on television. Basically, I was angry because Christmas was a constant reminder of how I wasn't a kid anymore. I couldn't just sit in a pile of wrapping paper and experience sheer joy anymore. The world was sitting on my head, just crapping all over any fun I might have had.<br />
<br />
Something changed in 2008. No, not something, someone. I was trying to win back a woman I had wronged, and I had this idea, inspired by Gene Hackman in Heist, that if I wanted to be a better version of me, maybe I could just fake it. I'm a pretty good liar on a bad day, so I thought maybe I would change the way I lie to myself. Maybe if I pretend to be a better person, I'll eventually be that better person, and I won't have to keep pretending. I'm not 100% there yet, but I'm not pretending anymore.<br />
<br />
Part of this whole thing was that I realized that I was over Christmas. If other people want to run around and be assholes to each other in malls and parking lots, so be it. I'm just gonna make cookies,<a href="http://freelancegenius.blogspot.com/2008/01/there-and-bake-again-and-lord-of.html"> not send them to my friends, and eat the hell out of them.</a>*** I'll invite my friends over for rum drinks, cookies, pie, and the Star Wars Holiday Special. I'll try to find one or two small, meaningful, little gifts for my people. Or maybe I'll make something to give.<br />
<br />
The short of this is that I can also enjoy holiday music again. This is much easier when i am not out in the world, but even when I am in the world, I just tune it out. I just play Mahna Mahna on constant loop in the jukebox of my subconscious, and I move through the world. I could have written a much shorter version of this post by just typing, <a href="http://www.santastic4.com/">OMG HOLIDAY MUSIC MASH-UPS HERE!!!1111!!1!!</a><br />
<br />
* There's a paradox somewhere in there that a kid might miss for a few years.<br />
** Much like a<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yzht2_41caU"> certain lamp</a>, I'm pretty sure my mother introduced this <a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/NEW-MUFFLER-REALLY-KEEPS-CAR-QUITE-HONEY-MUG-LEIGH-/290554789487">mug</a> to Mr. Baseballbat, and Mr. Backyard. <br />
*** One of these years, I'm gonna mail some cookies to some friends, and those friends will be so frigging impressed. Some jokes aren't worth it.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-18817774518365803492012-12-10T07:52:00.000-05:002012-12-10T07:52:17.503-05:00Who am I? 1One of the high schools I attended required incoming freshpersons to write a paper titled "Who am I?" These papers were fairly big deals for the kids, and a source of much stress. Every year, there were rumors of kids trying to photocopy their student I.D. cards and turn them as a clever meta-essay, but none of these rumors were ever confirmed by me.*<br />
<br />
These papers were then read by the student at the end of their four years at the school. I guess the goal was a forced existential examination, but given the vast gulf between the person I was in my senior year of high school and the person I was in the fall of my first year of college, I can't imagine that this would have been particularly fruitful for the students. <br />
<br />
Since I started attending this school with my sophomore year, I did not write one of these papers. I have plenty of written paragraphs that can only really be described as journal entries from the last fourteen years, a great many of which are thoroughly public as blog posts. Leafing through them traces a character arc that I doubt is unique among the lives of American consumers aged 18-35. Looking back at my various journals, paper or digital, is a great way to remind myself that while I may be unemployed, at least I am not as much of a chundernozzle as I used to be. <br />
<br />
Who am I?: I make two u-turns and hold up traffic on a one lane road to move a turtle off that road.<br />
<br />
* I never cared enough to even begin the process of asking my advisor about the grading process for these papers.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-6393983542949873222012-12-05T10:47:00.001-05:002012-12-06T17:24:04.032-05:00The Daily Caller Will Never Become "the Conservative Huffington Post"<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"In his new book, “The KinderGarden of Eden: How The Modern Liberal Things And Why He’s Convinced That Ignorance Is Bliss,” Sayet strays from the humorous to explore why what he calls “Modern Liberals” support the policies they do."</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>"Explain the title, 'The KiderGarden of Eden.'"</b> </blockquote>
<br />
So I was flipping some news on Yahoo, I think, and I saw a link to <a href="http://dailycaller.com/2012/12/05/comedian-liberal-comics-dont-want-to-make-fun-of-obama-because-they-feel-that-it-will-weaken-him/">this Daily Caller piece</a>. The Daily Caller is usually good for a laugh because of frequent copy editing errors. Every time I see one, I laugh at The Great Orange One's attempt to start a conservative version of the Huffington Post. Maybe if you could frame your worldview in some way that wasn't a conservative version of someone else's work, you might succeed someday, Tuckbag. Maybe if right wing cobags had some imagination, they might criticize Obama about something real instead of "He's so well respected and I don't like that! Waaaaaah!"<br />
<br />
The article claims that Evan Thomas of Newsweek said that Obama is a god, but there is no link to back this up. In fact, the only links in the article are from those Ad Choices auto-links. This is just lazy, lazy reporting. There is no attempt to fabricate even the smallest shred of journalistic integrity. <br />
<br />
The whole article fails to mention that Saturday Night Live has been <a href="https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=saturday+night+live+obama&oq=saturday+night+live+obama&gs_l=youtube.3..0l10.16142.23909.0.24122.50.25.8.13.13.3.276.2904.10j8j5.23.0...0.0...1ac.1.SX6z1M9JHls">making fun of Obama nearly every week</a>, but I suppose they are too cool for SNL. I think SNL has gotten much better lately. A search for Obama parody <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=obama+parody&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a">returns a wealth of hits</a>, but I will admit that I have not investigated the political opinions of the people involved with those hits. They could all be conservative, but I think can safely that this isn't the case because <a href="http://www.npr.org/2012/11/26/165945319/comedians-parody-two-sides-of-president-obama">Key and Peele are on the first page of hits</a>.<br />
<br />
I took a screenshot to preserve these failures for posteriority. That is not a typo, that is term that means we will all be wiping our butts with rags like the Daily Caller after the Whateveralypse.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-14162791170885240152012-12-05T09:36:00.001-05:002012-12-05T09:36:38.638-05:00Exactly the Kind of Robot I WantThis should come as no surprise to anyone familiar with my desire for pets of unusual cuddle-less-ness, but if someone were to buy me a robotic companion, I would want <a href="http://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2334">a tarantulabot friend</a>. We would hang out all day.<br />
<br />
My daily task calendar just reminded me that I am a couple years late on Tarantula Tuesday posts. Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-59449311516072116332012-11-29T16:21:00.001-05:002012-11-30T09:54:23.616-05:00VW: 2, Me: 1Every time I drive both of my parents anywhere, I make a mistake. In 1998, I took over driving so they could both nap in the backseat, and was stopped for speeding as soon as my parents fell asleep. 79 in a 65 in rural New York. Were we driving on I-90 toward Chicago, I would be in the right lane and most of the other cars would be passing me.<br />
<br />
In September, we were on our way to my niece's birthday party and stopped to buy a cake. The parking lot was the first floor of the grocery store, and it had almost pristine, white support columns. I made some poor estimations of distance and crunched the passenger side mirror housing. The mirror itself popped right out of the housing, and was fairly well obliterated. The housing was basically fine. I thought about gluing a cheap plexiglass mirror onto the cracked mirror, and then popping that mess back in until we could get a real mirror. I was overruled.<br />
<br />
Our annual inspection is due tomorrow, so of course I spent most of the day driving out to a salvage yard that had a compatible mirror. It was a nice day, so I got to enjoy some scenery on the old state roads up to the yard. Two hours and $70 later, I was on my home.<br />
<br />
I took a quick look online for instructions, remembering the only
previous time I have tried home auto repair and that mess. I found <a href="http://forums.vwvortex.com/showthread.php?961163">some helpful pictures at VWVortex</a>, and then proceeded desconstructing my car's door.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgauJJwjy_J5m_OsxPDw0mHVpG5UUmpkITkMkAs4DatFGZKUO2qNDir-Uhz1LiZOd0aFEjBmhbGUYljse0ByisE36nAPVWOEZb6EQA4-M6fe4rLCELsqrHZ3wRI6fQ6hV8LSUD2/s1600/11-29-2012+Car+Pictures+001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgauJJwjy_J5m_OsxPDw0mHVpG5UUmpkITkMkAs4DatFGZKUO2qNDir-Uhz1LiZOd0aFEjBmhbGUYljse0ByisE36nAPVWOEZb6EQA4-M6fe4rLCELsqrHZ3wRI6fQ6hV8LSUD2/s320/11-29-2012+Car+Pictures+001.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
In progress, the mirror is wired.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwV3AJ7KBjXbDWOt59L3ShndUUpsXDevc7eB2VoZ_Ie0heHEa3oG9SifTtj8ZG7AZ-46O7SasEybvXsBVM6XzlM8TUP3FSjut9meKZIq_5YVxSKr7ZG0cg32PZoAf4qiTH0OPR/s1600/11-29-2012+Car+Pictures+003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwV3AJ7KBjXbDWOt59L3ShndUUpsXDevc7eB2VoZ_Ie0heHEa3oG9SifTtj8ZG7AZ-46O7SasEybvXsBVM6XzlM8TUP3FSjut9meKZIq_5YVxSKr7ZG0cg32PZoAf4qiTH0OPR/s320/11-29-2012+Car+Pictures+003.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Hey! Look at that! The panel actually fit back on!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFfE1Y6FNASA2Bg6t6DjfAXiL0cB-vARnSHeqCxfzJ0_WJ8W2wY13OxiH1kObiYu0DykQk_ZCROuJ2CCyqoz2QIeu4VDpnR3u1Z4rmRtOuXg6mtAq5a7ggnqazKFTZ1aEJHL4P/s1600/11-29-2012+Car+Pictures+004.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFfE1Y6FNASA2Bg6t6DjfAXiL0cB-vARnSHeqCxfzJ0_WJ8W2wY13OxiH1kObiYu0DykQk_ZCROuJ2CCyqoz2QIeu4VDpnR3u1Z4rmRtOuXg6mtAq5a7ggnqazKFTZ1aEJHL4P/s320/11-29-2012+Car+Pictures+004.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yeah, the green of the new mirror housing doesn't quite match the rest of the car.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
The door is a little scratched up around the handle, and most of the stupidstupidstupidirritatingstupid tabs that are supposed to "just pop right off" are broken, but the speakers work, the window rolls up and down, and the mirror moved with the joystick. Or it did, until the joystick snapped off while I was carefully adjusting the mirror.<br />
<br />
Frakking cobag joystick.<br />
<br />
Updated on Friday, November 1, 2012: Technically, the score could be said to be 3 to 2 in VW's favor, since the keyfob battery died about this time last year. I was able to replace this about a month ago. <br /><br />
In adding insult to injury news: to pass the annual inspection, the car needs new tires, rear brake pads, some flim flams on the woozle wazzle, the right-hand samoflange has sheared from the dimensional moorings, the alluvial calibrators need new dampeners, the inertial compensators have decompensated, and seven of the valves were found to be on backwards.<br />
<br />
Let's call it 4 to 2 for VW, but the game is not yet over.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-90178281652246208252012-11-25T21:47:00.001-05:002012-11-25T21:47:56.591-05:00I Still Have Hope for VideogamesI thoroughly enjoyed Fallout: New Vegas, and regularly enjoyed Fallout 3. <a href="http://kotaku.com/5958767/return-to-new-vegas-the-most-refreshing-video-game-sex-ive-ever-had?tag=returntonewvegas">This article</a> explains just one aspect of why I think New Vegas was the far superior of the two. I hold on to my hope, as does the tediously metaphorical man dangling from a tediously metaphorical cliff by a tediously metaphysical root, that Bethesda Softworks learned from Obsidian's success while working on the much rumored Fallout 4.<br />
<br />
Maybe someday I will finish that article I am working on about how to make a great Fallout Online.Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-15260078.post-191668722441563292012-11-14T10:31:00.001-05:002012-11-14T10:31:51.360-05:00Pinko, Hey Pinko, You Listening?<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bjighCDPt-k?feature=player_detailpage" width="640"></iframe><br />Chuckleshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09680171236677541103noreply@blogger.com2