Monday, October 30, 2006

Returning to Previously Established Baseline: UPDATED AND EXPLAINED

Pretty much sums up my professional and personal life right now.

Let me tell you that unemployment sucks because Fridays and Saturdays completely lose their meaning.

There is no joy in life like 4:44 PM Friday afternoon.

There is no peace in life like a slow walk in the sunshine on Sunday.

Unemployment robs both of these moments of all satisfaction.

UPDATE AND EXPLANATION: I will not be fired from my night job because I attacked the problems at the store in a manner that resulted in those problems being addressed without my termination. So that's nice and I was pretty sick of inhaling formaldehyde fumes.

In regards to my day job, my boss is insisting I work overtime. I have refused and will continue to do so on the basis that I am not paid for it. The secondary reason I am refusing is that this boss never works a minute of overtime, regardless of the crisis. The tertiary reason is that I am paid to work night hours at another job. The overboss at my dayjob is famous for firing everyone who asks for a raise. Even award winning contributors that have consistently drawn attention and publicity to our magazine. They only pay me for 7 hours a day and they will only get 7 hours a day. This will cause some friction and my boss will attempt to use this as another lever to remove me. Of course, every time he has tried this in the past, he has failed as has every attempt of his to blame me for all his fuckups. You can see how this might be a sticking point.

Solvency is overrated.

South Park Brings Me Down

This is the tenth season of South Park. I was but a wee freshman when the internets showed me two short clips of foul mouthed children and Santa battling Jesus.

Now, I am an older, wiser?, bitterer man. Ten fucking years? Where did they go?

Down the fucking drain.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Vlad is dead and I weigh 20 pounds more than I did three weeks ago

In regards to the first part of the title, independent contractors can be more efficient than the US government at times.

In regards to the second part of the title, I blame all the vyprazny cyr.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Still Alive, Despite the Attempts on My Life

I am back on the North American continent but am currently blogging from an undisclosed location due to recent attempts on my life. Please don't worry, my mind and my wang are still intact and quite healthy.

As soon as the authorities clear me and deal with Vlad, I will resume my regularly scheduled blogging.

Once again, I am alive and well and Vlad is fucking going down, so please stop worrying.

Monday, October 09, 2006

New Terms:

TUSUOV: The Urine Soaked U-Bahn of Vienna

TEUSSP: The Equine Urine Soaked StephansPlatz

EDIT: TUSUBOV. The Urine Soaked Unter Bahn of Vienna.

New Terms:

TUSUOV: The Urine Soaked U-Bahn of Vienna

TEUSSP: The Equine Urine Soaked StephansPlatz

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Austrian Kezboards Are Weird

I am blogging from an internet cafe in Vienna. I having a flipping blast and have managed to avoid anz international incidents. Although, I am about to launch a land war in Asia with this damn kezboard. A few letters have been switched and the wrath is rising.

Anzwaz, I hope everbodz is being a good little cobag and can survive without me.

Friday, October 06, 2006

In Other News, The Foley Scandal Keeps Getting Thicker...LIKE A WANG!

Regarding House Speaker Dennis Hastert, "He really ought not be a sacrificial lamb," former Secretary of State James Baker III said Friday. "Hastert is just not a sacrificial lamb kinda guy. Have you seen a picture of him lately? Sacrificial boar, maybe."

Hastert vowed not to resign over his office's handling of the scandal — "I haven't done anything wrong," he said — but it has cost Republicans in public opinion polls. "I mean, I wasn't the one sexually harassing pages via the network of tubes. Hee hee. I mean, come on people, all I did was hold the revelation of this harassment for a year or so. Besides, I've survived the fallout from the Lewinsky bullshit and so far have weathered the mild breeze of scorn in regards to Congress complete lack of endorsement of any pre-9/11 counter terrorism actions. What are you going to do, vote me out? Ha ha." House Speaker Hastert then held out his hand with his fingers outstretched and his thumb touching his nose and made a "nyah, nyah, nyah" noise.

"If they throw Denny Hastert off the sled to slow down the wolves, it won't be long before you'll be crying, 'Hey, you've got to throw somebody else over because they knew about it too,'" Baker said. "And really, Denny is frigging huge, you might as well leave him on the sled and just get off and run anyway." The tone of the party has greatly changed in the last few days as Republican'ts realized that the Democratic Party likely wouldn't be able to pull a single head out of a single ass to really take advantage of another instance of corruption and complete moral bankruptcy. Baker also added, "Besides if we were to vilify and remove everyone in Congress that was involved in this scandal and behave that way in regards to other scandals, jeez, that would make us accountable for our actions and why would we want that?" Baker then unbuckled his pants, reversed facing and showed his exposed buttocks to the press.

"Could we have done it better? Could the page board have handled it better? In retrospect, probably yes," Hastert said. "But at the time what we knew and what we acted upon was what we had. Besides, come on, there are no damn faggots or pederasts in the Republican't party! We are the party of morals and values and all that crap. You can trust us, sweetcheeks. Oh yeah, I am talking to you in the powder blue up front, you should schedule an interview with me later." Dennis Hastert then nudged a compatriot with his elbow and pointed at the female reporter he had mentioned and made a gesture with both hands in the form of an hourglass.

Thank you all and I sincerely apologize to the AP and Yahoo news.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

A Memo to Condoleeza Rice: That word does not mean what you think it means

It is a good thing that I am currently immersed in work and must maintain a thin veneer of civility and dignity because shit is just killing me. KILLING ME.

We have another goddam school shooting. I think we should put Kip Hawley in charge of our nation's school security. I guess influential people don't take my advice, go figure.

In other news, Condoleeza Rice is a fucking liar but she swears she is telling the truth this time. Let's run a quick analysis here: Rice lied to the world about the WMDs and the (now admitted) completely false connection between Iraq and Al Qaeda. She lied to the 9/11 Commission about the information given to her and the rest of the administration about the threat posed by Al Qaeda. Dick Clarke tried to warn her. Clinton tried to warn her. Everybody from Clinton's administration did everything they could to prevent 9/11 and Rice waved them away and dismissed their advice. Fucking Classic. Now we have a tailor made NeoCon paradise and Halliburton shares are doing great and Cheney is shooting people in the face and overflowing the tank on his Prius with gas and Bush has police state and executive powers unmatched in the history of the United States. But, honestly, this time Rice is not lying when she says she listened to Tenet's warnings about the imminent attack.

For students of Nixon's administration or even those of us who have read books and seen movies about it, this is the non-denial denial. A few links turn up some very odd language:

"The information presented at this meeting was not new," Cooper said. NO FUCKING SHIT, DUMBASS. Tenet was trying to reiterate a threat that had previously been dismissed. This is a perfect example of the non-denial denial. She is not specifically denying the allegations that she ignored a threat.

"...that his boss had said repeatedly she could not specifically recall. She had said earlier that there were virtually daily meetings at the time." Christ on a crutch, I guess it might be too much trouble to ask your staff to keep track of this shit for you. Oh, wait, that's right, THEY FUCKING DID. You had the meeting and now claim that nothing new was brought to it. Well, if a couple people are in agreement that you are ignoring a piece of information, they may restate that information and then ask you to do something about it. They may even call for a special meeting and get vocal about it.

"What I'm quite certain of, is that it was not a meeting in which I was told that there was an impending attack and I refused to respond," she said.
Parsing words is fun, isn't it? Blowing off a bunch of experts is a response. Telling them to fuck off and shut up is also a response.

Ms. Rice, the national security adviser at the time, said it was “incomprehensible” she ignored dire terrorist threats two months before the Sept. 11 attacks. The word you are looking for is inconceivable. Incomprehensible is not appropriate here unless Tenet were to have said something like "dark is the suede that mows like a harvest." Now that is incomprehensible.