Sunday, February 12, 2006

The Weather Underground

In my mancave, I am suppose I am comfortable. It is still snowing outside and that is pretty cool. Not as cool as if it were Sunday night and this was happening but whatever. The fucking ghost in my apartment has flickered the lights three freaking times and I am getting pretty sick of his antics. Two or three more times and I am going Spengler on his ethereal ass. If the TV and my computer, which is apparently not full of leaves, flickered at the same time as the lights, then I would know it wasn't the ghost. So far three times and only the lights flicker.

So yeah, the weather is my hobbit hole is a little chilly and that is how I like it. It is still really dry, which is also cool. Right now, I take my victories where I can. I got a new bike the other day, which is not really new it came from some other dude. So the bicycle seat I am planning on riding in to work has been ridden by an unknown number of men. I just have to trust that none of them sweat horribly or were bitten by the Chilean Aquatic Butt Slug. Those damn Chilean butt slugs are normally fairly benign, however the aquatic species is particularly tenacious and aggressive. You know, one time I was having lunch at school and this guy sat down and started eating a huge plate of food. He then proceeded to relate his opinions of his eating habits and how they had increased. I had never met him before and neither had anyone else at the table. I wouldn't call them my friends, but I was currently being left alone by them, so I figured they were relatively safe to eat with. High school was a lot like prison, except for the showers-those were normal. If you got up from the table to get another fork or something, you had to inspect your food after returning. People were cutthroat. One time, I saw a guy trap a fly in a tub of butter and then bury it in the butter. No, wait, it was margarine. Anyway, so this guy sits down and is telling us about this tapeworm and stuff. He is going on and on about it. I ask him how he knows he has a tapeworm because I think he is an idiot and everybody else at that school is hypocondriac. He says that for the last two months he has been eating like mad. I ask him if he is doing anything new or different. Turns out this moron had been working out for about ten weeks. I then ask him if he thinks the exercise has anything to do with his increased appetite. He says maybe and then calls me 'Bob' and I say my name is Chuckles. He looks around at us and realizes that he has sat at the wrong table. So, I'm all like, what the fuck? Apparently, I then decided to emulate his storytelling style.

Anyway, my new bike is cool. It has tires that are half the width of my old ones and weighs about 2/3 of my old bike. I still have the hobo crate. I need to adjust the brakes, they are a little faster than I like. That reminds me of a nickname I had in college, well not the bike, the earlier crap. The guys in my fraternity called me Egon. I had a curly, short haircut and glasses. I was smart and had a large collection of spores, molds and fungus. I called it my fridge.

Yeah, so there's like three inches of snow outside. For DC that's something else. Maybe by morning we will have reached the predicted 14 inches.


Anonymous said...

This post is most bizzare. UC and I almost thought we were going to have to call you when our flight was slightly delayed in Dulles on Saturday. Lucky for us, we got out just in time.

My car on the other hand had to be rescused because Boston went on snow emergency. Thank goodness my ex was home and had keys to it and doesn't hate me that much that he went and did it for me.

Anonymous said...

better mold in your fridge than piss-discs in a friends freezer.


Chuckles said...

AG: You trust your ex with your car? What the hell kind of loser is s/he?

ZZ: Um, yeah, sorry about that. It was indavertently hilarious however.

Anonymous said...

He's a good guy. When I broke it off, it was amicable. I am a nice girl. I didn't try to hurt him in anyway. Why should he hate me or not help me? I help him.

Chuckles said...

So basically, you didn't hurt him with honesty and now he helps you in the hope of someday winning you back.

I know how to translate woman speech. I see right through you.