Tuesday, February 07, 2006


So, I watched Constantine last night. Keanu Reeves looked even worse than usual. If we hadn't already been through it, I would harp on this man's attempts to act. He was funny in Thumbsucker but he was playing a hippie dentist, so it fit. The movie was ok but Keanu's lack of a performance really hampered it. Stylistically, I am more than a little sick of every ambassador from hell wearing a sharp suit and looking slick while all the angels dress like mental patients. Yeah, sure the devil always dresses for the occaison, but why do the heaven sent have to be putzes? I would think they (the angel people) wouldn't be flashy or severe, but exuberant and real joie de vive-like. Basically, the tool of subtlety has been comepletely lost in Hollywood. I think it gave up the ghost when Clooney put on the bat suit.

Back to the Keanu bashing, A Scanner Darkly looks interesting, but will probably be more of a test bed for new animation styles rather than a decent movie. It may even be a neat story until Keanu wanders into frame and then proceeds to club the movie over the head and drag it out back to drown it in the kiddie pool. I wonder if there is a role he would be any good playing? I bet you that even if he were to play himself in his own biopic, he would still suck. What would that movie be called?

Whatever happened to Bill after The Lost Boys?


pop renaissance said...

keanu is the WORST actor in ages. he makes kevin costner look like lawrence fucking olivier.

if you ever want a delicate balance of cringe-worthy embarassment and pure comedy, check his accent in "dracula". an english mob should have beaten the fuck out of him after that.

oh yeah - the matrix sucked sweaty balls.

teh l4m3 said...

Okay, this post reminds me of a point I wanted to make earlier:

"Underworld was ok, I guess. The cargo container sex scene was straight up fan service."

Um, I'm sorry, Underworld has fans?

Oh yeah, and Constantine was an unconscionable waste of Tilda Swinton.

teh l4m3 said...

PR: His only competition for worst, most cringeworthy, most embarassing acting in "Dracula" was poor little Winona.

Lindsey said...

I can't stand Keanu Reeves! He drives me up the wall...the always looks the same, sounds the same. He can't act...and he looks like shit.

Chuckles said...

Sweet! Unleash your hatred, Linny! Let it flow through you! It gives you strength...

Sorry about that, sometimes I forget that I hate Star Wars now.

In case you needed it, the reason Ke-Anu the Terrible was not eligible for the earlier hating was because he has never been good. Sorta like The Rock. Except, Dwayne Johnson will always have a place in my heart for being in Doom. I must possess that movie. It was almost as bad as Bloodrayne. Check out the October Archives for my previous words.

teh: Underworld has huge legions of poorly made up fans. Vampire movies always do. Have you seen the movie with Ewan MacGregor and Tilda Swinton on a boat? That movie, YOUNG ADAM is the name, is really good and it has nothing to do with the rampant nudity. Nothing at all. The, um, plot thingy is really, er, good.

teh l4m3 said...

And I thought I got a big, thick, uncut eyeful of Ewan in The Pillowbook.

Chuckles said...

The Pillowbook? Were there any hot female leads in that one?

Chuckles said...