I am required to read a lot of interesting stuff for work. I am also required to read a lot of bunk for work. Recently(30 seconds ago), I have been reading Andrew (A little bit doughy) Sullivan's April 2, 2000 NY Times piece "The He Hormone." The article is up in its entirety and I have read more than a bit of it in my endless fact checking quest at work. Comments have been made that I am more than a little aggressive. Comments have been made that generously describe me as cocky. Comments have been made that I am hugely endowed.* There are tests that can be performed that will determine your average level of testosterone. I heard a cool bit on This American Life wherein the studio staff were tested for their testosterone levels. There was a pool as to who would have the highest level and everyone was asked to justify their picks. One person picked the pregnant woman, someone else chose the bossy boss and someone chose a feisty female colleague. In the end, it was a woman who had the highest levels and she was really perturbed by this. She felt totally different and disappointed somehow in the results because she didn't feel, to paraphrase, cavemany.
I thought this was a little lame. It is one thing to get tested and quite another to allow those results to carry weight.** You are still the same person you were before you had the test, so any changes in your personality after the test are essentially fake. They are based on pointless information. It is a bit like cancer or HIV. Getting cancer doesn't change who you are, it just changes aspects of your life. I think I am wandering here a bit.***
IQ tests and testosterone levels are silly benchmarks for other people to judge you and then sell you medication. Hell, I took an IQ test when I was a young lad, but I have never seen the results. I know I am a genius because I have only been beaten in speed, perception and analysis a couple of times in my life. Some people may think that my experiences are skewed due to my upbringing.# I also know that I am smarter than the average bear because I wear clothes and don't shit in the woods unless I am camping. You are who you are and if you don't like that, then change. A test doesn't mean crap.
Some people think I am totally aggressive and ridiculously arrogant. Some people call these traits indicative of testosterone overdosing. I say that is bullshit. In these times, the increasing anonymity of the average life of anyone on the planet requires people to either accept their lot, get a blog or get on a reality show. Since, I never want to be a reality show turbowad, I blog. And make outrageous claims in regards to my abilities, both mental and physical. The truly crazy aspect of this whole setup is that I never make a claim I can't meet.
More revenge stories later involving beer bottles and crickets.
*Ok, so that last one was mine, but penis enlargement is the entire point of the internet as far as I can tell.
**I also choose to disbelieve all scales, because they are clearly biased.
***When don't I wander?
#These are the people who claim that a battle of wits with a rock is no contest. But these are the same people who never tried to win a staring contest with the same rock.
37 comments:
I totally remember that This American Life episode.
And yes. The internet exists solely for penile enlargement.
Someone is far too impressed with himself. I also think he shits in the woods and not just when camping.
Not Related To This E-mail...
Though I have to admit I've been laughing my ass off for the last hour reading your back entires! Blame Cock-Eyed Mick for giving me a link here. Dude! I lost your e-mail address! Gimme a shout if you feel like it!
8-)
Jenny, you mean his chuckles@hotMALE.com doesn't work?!
:)
Cock-Eyed Mick owes me some blog comment loving that goddam Chi-town popo tranny.
OMG, it's all over now. Chuckles is about to be outed...
That spammer needs a rimshot.
Outted as a non genius tranny?
Jenny is old school.
She might choose to begin the revealations. But hopefully not.
She does have quite a bit of photgraphic evidence of the genius being rather non-genius.
She does have quite a bit of photgraphic evidence of the genius being rather non-genius.
Jenny: adorablegirlfriend@yahoo.com. Send pictures ASAP. You won't be disappointed.
Aggro Girllfriend, if she sends you pictures of me, I better receive some damn nice photographic evidence of you that would make the UC stand up and shout.
You will get nothing from her. Hell, there have already been pictures of me around the neighborhood, you just couldn't figure out which one was the genius.
If I were surrounded by Charles' family, then maybe I would break out the pictures (can anyone say "evil Michael Bolton??"), but other than that I think I shall keep them under lock and key until he decides to run for public office. Besides, almost all of them are packed away in storage about 8 thousand miles from where I'm living now. Except for the one of you in the gene pool shirt.
Anyway. Thanks for the DOZEN or so comments I found on my blog just now!! Nice to know I'm up to about 8 readers now.
8-)
If you can figure out who fulsome is without saying it on any blog, then you can post whatever photo of me you want. And without asking for help from anyone.
Jenny -- do it! Figure out who Fulsome is.
I know which one of the nerds you are from the fancy pants picture and the guessing game. I was told I couldn't truly say because I already knew what Pinko looks like and had seen Pop's photo.
I don't believe you!
I don't believe you!
I don't believe you!
I don't believe you!
I don't believe you!
I don't believe you!
Oh, OK. Don't believe me. As I told PP today, I don't blog for validation and I don't care what you believe. I do know your full name, I know PP's full name and that is enough for me to stalk you in real life. So, whatevs.
Jenny, honey, just post the pictures!
How did you figure out my full name--oh. whoops. That whole email required thing. I knew I should have stuck with Chuckles@hotmale.com...
You think it's a challenge who Fulsome is? DUH! Who else was your best friend in college? Since I can't name him, how about I describe the picture I have of HIM at the Olive Garden Graduation party my senior year wearing red keds, an alien tie, and that terrible coat! SO him! 8-)
Does this give me license to do whatever I like now to torment you?
See how quickly and easily I fall back into my old role?
I still have that picture as well...
Great, The real genius Jenny figured it out. We'll take our pictures of Chuckie and Fulsome now!
Hook it up Jenny! And I think Mrs. Dan has dirt on Chuckie too that we'd like to see.
Mrs. Dan has no dirt. Mr. Dan has little to no unpotted dirt.
Whatevs! Jenny, you won the contest. Pictures may be sent to adorablegirlfriend@yahoo.com. AG will post them at RoD, because ya know Mr. "Genius" will claim a technical error or some other BS.
Throw in the Fullie-cakes too because I have it on faith that a certain blogger has the hots for Fullie and HE would enjoy seeing that Olive Garden tragedy.
Aggro Girlfriend, what part of "most of my stuff is in storage 8 thousand miles away" did you not understand?
AG is rather funny, in a raving, frothing, mad Tazmanian Devil way.
I have this mental picture of her that involves her head being in such constant, frenetic motion that her hair floats and whips in complete denial of gravity.
Yes, sad to say the Olive Garden Fulsome picture, and OH SO MANY other ones are all tucked away where I can't get to them. Many regrets. Some of them are priceless too. I actually have one of Mr. Genius the VERY FIRST time he used an iron (at 18 years old!) getting ready for a certain party. I also have one of him and Fulsome worshipping me! Hands clasped and everything!
But as I said, wait until they start trying to act all respectable and such. THEN I shall strike with the ferocity of a greasy chili dog!
Heh heh heh! 8-)
AG: was making sure the story was legit, Chuck.
Fulsome acts respectable. It's Chuckles that needs work.
We like 'em anyway.
Bitches ain't nothin but hoes and tricks.
They will stab you inna back any chance they get.
This is why Chuckles has no luck with the ladies. That and he tries to meet them on Friday nights at Starbucks in Virgina.
That was NOT a Starbucks. In any event, if you don't love it so much, why do you keep coming back?
Oh that's right, because you can't resist me.
Oh, sorry, it was at the coffee maker at 7-11.
Maybe, I am an agent for the enforcement of the Patriot Act.
Jenny, Mrs. Dan, you must know someone who does have access to some photos that could destory the Chuckless. I got some back ground dirt on Chuckster from someone who knew him in H.S., but it's no good without a good picture.
"Hoes"? I assume that you are referring to easy women and not farm implements?
No, I am referring to bitches. Not all women are bitches, however. 20-25% tops.
AG: Dandrobium is a dude. Mrs. Dandrobium (or perhaps Dr.) is his wife.
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW WHO KNEW ME IN HIGH SCHOOL?
Neener neener neener!
It will be revealed in due time. My only hint is he is as nice as apple pie. Oh wait, that would be a clue to my friends who knew him from college.
Nice as apple pie? Is he close to hobbit sized? If so, I have been trying to find that guy for years.
fwknru: eff you, too
I also know a female for NMH. Her tip is simple. Her mother had a famous college roommate.
It really depends what you consider hobbit size. I will say, we all wanted a piece of him.
AG, there was only one person I knew in high school that was a thoroughly decent person. I don't remember any girls being all that cool. Most of them were odd, but htat is high school ofr you. Everyone is all fucked up on the 'mones.
Hormones, not Ramones.
High school is nothing but a bunch of crap. We all know that. Yet, we all look back on it with a sense of longing. The free time we had and the stuff that seemed so important that isn't, but our lives were so simple then, that it was.
Whatever. It's good for a laugh or two and moving on.
Allow me to mae myself clear. I do not look back at high school with any sense of longing.
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