Perhaps it is time for the funny?

My mind is a weird place. I am not unusual in this regard. I am perhpas unusual in the frequency and variation of my peculiarities. Evidence: I argue with pretty women about global warming and then they decide that they never want to see me again. Also, I refuse to date anyone that voted for Bush in 2004. That kind of willful disregard for the truth is the same as denying global warming. Further evidence: This paragraph. I did not start this paragraph to talk about global warming and how it is destroying my love unlife. I started it to somehow find a way to segue into the claim that my mind is a strip club.

Rather like the nudity buffer or the water closet of Patrick's love, I am constantly bombarded with boobs in my bored brain. Either that or I should drink more water because I am becoming dehydrated by the sudden onset of 80 degree weather in DC. I am not complaining about the heat, I am merely adjusting to it.

Perhaps I just wanted to share a funny thing I said in reference to the Spice Girls:
"They dance for me, every now and then, in the strip club of my mind."

Memories, in the strip club of my miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiind.

And now a little something from Jeff, my favorite character on TV ever and the one I probably resemble most (definitely NOT fucking goddamn dumbshit CHANDLER):

Jeff: When God made the arse, he didn't say, 'Hey, it's just your basic hinge, let's knock off early.' He said, 'Behold ye angels, I have created the arse. Throughout the ages to come, men and women shall grab hold of these, and shout my name!

Friday Morning Musing: Is there such a thing as too much Chuck?

I was walking along the poop-laden trails in my neighborhood with a female acquaintance earlier this week. We were talking about recent dating mishaps in our respective forays on the subject. We had a discussion about her situation and I gave surprisingly even-handed advice on her situation. I made my usual disclaimer that relationship/dating advice from me is to be taken only rarely. In this instance, anyone I know and anyone I don't know would have found my advice more than acceptable and perhaps straight up decent. Once I made the discalimer, she asked me about my most recent attempt at dating AKA Global Warming Denier Girl AKA Hot Liberal That Has Been Duped By The CEI (HLTHBDBTCEI).

My friend asked me a question that I found both strange and interesting. She asked whether GWDG had ever seen "Friend Chuck or if GWDG had only ever seen On Chuck." I admitted that it was likely that GWDG had only ever seen On Chuck since we met at a party and only went on four dates before I blew up about her gullibility. We did have one date at a diner and coffee shop and we talked and had a nice couple hours, but our conversations were sparring matches. I doubt GWDG ever saw Friend Chuck. It takes a bit of relaxation around a person for Friend Chuck to come out. I am not paranoid or reserved, but I have acheived less than desirable outcomes when behaving like Friend Chuck on dates. Once we have seen each other for more than a few dates, you have to break out the Friend Chuck or you just become tiresome; always being snappy and slick with the wit wears on a person after a while. A certain amount of relaxation is needed.

This is not rocket science. If I have figured this out, then I am certain that everyone else reading this learned this back in high school or something.

In the last five dating relationships with which I have complicated my life, I have had trouble with my communication style interefering with my libido's wang style. One person said that everytime she reveals something about herself, I reveal something about myself. She also said that it feels like we are frequently in competition in this regard. I had no idea what she was talking about because I thought I was being sympathetic. I would have disregarded this criticism but at least one other woman has said this. So either to totally unrelated people ahve the same psychosis or I am a jackass that has no idea how to express sympathy in such a way as to continue a relationship that seems alright.

I have recently acquired a FREE copy of "You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women In Conversation." The last and only time I read any of this book, I was a freshman in college and fulsome and I had a good laugh reading it out loud with some girls. The question I have is: If I read this book, am I required to turn in my penis? or will I become an even better pick-up artist?

I don't know if I could get any better than I already am, though I would be willing to test the veracity of that statement.