Thursday, June 01, 2006

Assault on Portland: Part Two, In which I eat a nice meal with lots of other people and don't make an ass of myself

I woke up at 8 am because I could no longer sleep on the bed of torture. When you have a shitty old mattress like mine, you get used to the give and take. The very nice hotel's bed was all about the take. We were staying at the Paramount Hotel in downtown Portland. The room was fine, well beyond my budget but fine. I received my marching orders and rode the new Yellow line of the Max out to Lombard Transit Center and there did I have a vision.

I stepped off the train and my mind demanded that I ingest of the holy sacrament that is mocha. I wondered where might I procure some in this strange and faraway land? My eyes did venture across the street and there did the Holy Jebus bestow unto me a vision. And the choir of seraphim did sing in voices so sweet they would drive a normal man insane. The heavenly clouds split and the solar orb did shine down upon a house. And LO, this house did display the sign of the faithful. And LO, this house was prepared to receive worshippers.

And the Archangel Anthius spaketh unto me, saying Fatigue shall be vanquished by the Sword of Mocha and Hunger shall be slain by various and sundry foodstuffs. Bidden by a holy choir of angels, I did enter the church of the holy caffiene.

I purchased a large mocha with whipped cream and a zippie. A zippie is bagel dough with stuff baked into it. Stuff like eggs, cheese, ham and potatoes. And it was good.

I then met my friend, The Dark Man, and we went to a bar for lunch and split a pitcher of McMinniman's Hefeweizen which was good, but I can get it out here. I had the Stanich's Burger. A burger with hamd, bacon, egg, cheese and some other stuff. The burger was good, but the cajun fries nearly made me sick. The bartenders and waitress recognized my friend which says something about his soon to be married ass. Flirt.

Anyway, after lunch and some Halo 2, it was time for me to head back to the hotel so The Dark Man and another college friend, The Reverend Jesse James, could go practice the ceremony. I changed and stuff and met two other college friends and their new baby. It was funny and a little weird seeing them with a kid, but it happens to the best of us. Anyway, the rehearsal dinner was great and it was good seeing all sorts of college friends and letting them see the thinner version of the Genius. Plus, prime rib and other foods! The Reverend Jesse James handed me a ten dollar bill in the middle of the meal. And said that I knew what that was for.

TG: "I do?"

TRJJ: "Yeah."

TG: "I don't, actually."

TRJJ: "You remember the bet we had about Orchid?"

TG: "Holy shit. She actually swore?"

TRJJ: "Yes, and you know what else? Full on dominatrix now."

TG: "You are shitting me. Like for work?"

TRJJ: "No, not professionally, just..."

TG: "Huh. Huh. I'll be in the bathroom."

That got some laughs.

We had an assignment to write bits of advice for the immenently newlywed. I wrote that "[The Genius] is a great name for a child." What other advice could I offer?

Categorized under Booty, Double Booty, Oh God you are kidding me, Why didn't I hit that when I had the chance, Friends, Beer, Food(Burgers), Food(Beef), Acid Reflux, Coffee, Holy Jebus, Gambling and Why not?


Anonymous said...

Too many inside jokes.

Chuckles said...

Whatever. Those weren't any more in than the UC.