Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Alone Time

One of my brothers of incalculable number moved in with me last week. We now share an efficiency. Needless to say, the amount of time I spend alone in each day has been greatly reduced. This is a development that has its benefits. I spend less time talking to myself. Or anyone really because I just tend to sit around reading or assembling armies for my brother to paint. Mostly we just try to sit around and not be too hot. This is hard because, as many of you are aware, I am one of the two hottest people on the planet. The other being Derek Zoolander and I will topple him one day. I was robbed at the last competition, that loser can only turn left. I turn in all directions!

We also cook more. We don't cook fancy stuff but we do actually cook now. The other day we cooked sausage with rice and carrots with a garnish of spicy brown mustard. Tonight, pancakes and carrots! But never flapjacks. Flapjacks are for losers only. Tomorrow, we will probably make carbonara and carrots. Carrots are good for you. You can eat them raw or cooked. You can have them on a boat or reading a book. You can buy them in a great big bag for a reasonable amount of cash. You can dip them in hummus or smear them on toast. I can't recommend carrots and toast. It sounds a lot more interesting than it is. May I take a moment to describe my love of breakfast foods? Thanks. I love breakfast foods like french toast, pancakes, sausage, bacon and biscuits with sausage gravy. In fact, those are the ideal breakfast foods. Cereal is just a vile substance I eat in order to make the few occasions of proper breakfast food consumption that much sweeter.

Anyway, there are drawbacks to sharing a one room apartment. These don't need to be explicitly described.

About the armies, my brother is an award winning artist. In case you think this is lame or loserish, I submit this article and these pictures as evidence. The pictures aren't all that great, but this summer we are going to post some really nice ones with multiple light sources, nice gradient in the background and a soft focus lense for really bringing out the skin tones.


Anonymous said...

Nah, I'd always bang Zoolander over you! Especially because he's a hot little Jew toy.

Chuckles said...

I have Jewish relations.

No wait, I got that wrong.

I've had relations with Jews.

Kevin Wolf said...

Good luck with the new arrangment. I've done the brother-roommate thing.

Only wanted to kill him once or twice. Can't kill him once 'cause then you don't get to kill him twice. Or something like that.

Anonymous said...

LOL Kevin!

Chuckles said...

Yeah, it can be tight sometimes.

I am going away for the weekend to the beach, so that should help a little.

Chuckles said...



Always remember, boys and girls, sunburned nipples hurt bad. So do sunburned genitals.

Don't even ask.

Lindsey said...

"Assembling armies for him to paint."

Are you sure you're not my ex-boyfriend? He plays WarHammer. I know far too much about that game and his army of Space Marines.

Anonymous said...

I make it a policy to never date a man who plays games. It suggests too much primal behaviors for AG.

Chuckles said...

I think it provides an excellent outlet for primal urges.

Linny: Yeah, I play Space Marines among others. I'm fairly certain that I am not your ex.

So what if I'm a dork/nerd? Haven't you all heard? Nerds are hot, man.

My hobbies are big in Europe.

Anonymous said...

i guess that's a great thing aboot being a single kid. i dont gotta share!

of course, this is offset by the crushing loneliness, but you gotta take the good with the bad.

Chuckles said...

Crushing loneliness is not as bad as being crushed by the weight of the 47 other brothers in each bunk.

Just don't start singing "I'm so lonely" from Team America: World Police.

Anonymous said...

Nothing you have is big in Europe, slugger!

Thank you AIF for singing the praises of only childhood. I have suggested to UC that AG would like only one. One. He gets all Freud like about this suggestion. I want to scream. He's so bossy for the one who doesn't get stretch marks. What does he know? He doesn't know the vast greatness of single childhood.