Head for the Hills

I'm on vacation in the Midwest.  This is cause for concern for plumbers, cause for joy among organic meat herders, and cause for terror among toilets.  I've lost track of the amount of meat sandwiches I have consumed in the last few days, but I haven't lost track of the number of shattered, post-apocalyptic, dystopian bathrooms I have left in my wake.

Three:
At a place called First Watch outside of Westlake, Ohio.
At Lady Chemisty's ancestral home in Iowa.
And, finally, at my expedition headquarters in Wisconsin.

The last one was so bad I had to retreat to the second floor until the gas dissipated.  I saw three men huddled in a crater in the living room die when they removed their masks too early.  President Obama is rumored to be debating the legality of declaring my butt a national threat.

I am worried for my family, as my parents, despite being rocks, tend to eat a high fiber diet.  I am worried that some may not survive this coming week.

Summer Expedition Plans?

My quartermaster just waltzed into my writing den and proposed a schedule that included planning sessions for a possible return to the land of buckthorn and honey weiss. I nearly cane-whipped Auswald for interrupting my thoughts. The sheer audacity of the man! I was betwixt a plot and a nap, nearly finished with a rough draft of my next novel, prior to the typing stage and he barges in all a-flutter over schedules and time tables! It's my expedition, is it not? It shall leave when I say and not a moment earlier nor later.

I should not be too hard on Auswald, his disturbance brought some fond memories to the forefront of my cognition and for that I shall have a sumptuous dinner made that he will serve me and enjoy most fragrant lovelies and an abundance of pungence. This meal will sate me and serve to enhance his savoring of whatever broth and noodles the cook prepares for the staff. I suppose I should have Auswald perform an inventory of the expedition's equipment and oil my armaments. I shall retire to my den and begun anew with my memoirs.

I AGREE ENTIRELY

FCC Okays Nudity On TV If It�s Alyson Hannigan

Doing My Homework

I fucked up my homework assignment for last Wednesday's editing class. I forgot about it over the long weekend and left it to try and do on the bus to class. We had been assigned an Aviation Magazine (or some such title) article to proofread at the lowest level of authority. This level of authority means that we query the author instead of researching and making changes and identify errors in spelling and grammar. We were advised to look for the really big mistakes more than the smaller mistakes, but the smaller mistakes are important as well.

In the second paragraph, the article said that Unmanned Aerial Vehicles (UAVs) were used in Vietnam. I thought this sounded bogus, so I circled it to be queried.¹ I continued reading and scanning but only got to the end of the first page before I had to stop as the train had filled up and I had to fight to get off at my stop.

After being chided by the instructor for not completing the assignment, I felt like an ass. I was saved, sort of, when the instructor learned that most of the class had slacked on this assignment as well and gave us another week to work on it. I glanced at the article during the class break after our proofreading marks quiz and spotted the big mistake she had kept trying to get us to notice: the article has no conclusion.² The article cruises on discussing the merits, flaws, uses, and designs of UAVs but ends without a conclusion two paragraphs after starting a new topic in the UAV discussion. This article was not a draft, it was a final copy that was printed. Somebody got righteously shafted for this one.

1 Having just searched "UAVs used in Vietnam", I am surprised to say that I was wrong about that one. You learn something new every day.
2 I am still not sure whether I like editing and proofreading because it is a whole career that will be spent telling people how wrong they are or because it is a vital role in crafting pieces of art like Motherless Brooklyn or 1984, both of which I happen to reading now.³
3 I am also reading From the Notebooks of Doctor Brain. Fun stuff.

Today's Targets

Korean BBQ stand at 14th and L
Halal Deli stand at 14th and G
M'Dawg Haute Dog on 18th Street
Ben's Chili Bowl on U Street
The Saloon
Dukem
Probably somewhere else and then another chili dog.