Saturday, July 28, 2012

Head for the Hills

I'm on vacation in the Midwest.  This is cause for concern for plumbers, cause for joy among organic meat herders, and cause for terror among toilets.  I've lost track of the amount of meat sandwiches I have consumed in the last few days, but I haven't lost track of the number of shattered, post-apocalyptic, dystopian bathrooms I have left in my wake.

At a place called First Watch outside of Westlake, Ohio.
At Lady Chemisty's ancestral home in Iowa.
And, finally, at my expedition headquarters in Wisconsin.

The last one was so bad I had to retreat to the second floor until the gas dissipated.  I saw three men huddled in a crater in the living room die when they removed their masks too early.  President Obama is rumored to be debating the legality of declaring my butt a national threat.

I am worried for my family, as my parents, despite being rocks, tend to eat a high fiber diet.  I am worried that some may not survive this coming week.


toko baju muslim said...

Thank you for taking the time to write on this topic.

Chuckles said...

I am absolutely certain that no one has ever thanked me for writing on this topic before.

Unknown said...

Hi Chuckles,

I'm a reporter for the Washingtonian and I was hoping to speak to you for a story I'm working on. Do you have a moment to talk? My email is tombartlett at gmail


zombie rotten mcdonald said...


Chuckles said...


betting33 said...

In the 20 years since Liverpool had even played in the European Cup final, AC Milan had won it four times. Granted, Liverpool's ambitions were hampered by UEFA's five-year ban for all English teams after the Heysel Stadium disaster, but regardless -- they'd been absent from the top table for a long time.

syy577 said...

On the eve of the game, the teams made their case to the international media. Maldini was compelling; "History counts and in recent years, Milan has always been at this level."

dok222 said...

Liverpool's first-year manager Rafael Benitez told the assembled press that he was hoping for an early goal, but Maldini volleying the ball into the back of the net after just 50 seconds was not quite the early strike that he had in mind.

ccclub700 said...

As Paolo Agostinelli remembers it, "We were playing fabulous football, the team was confident and everything was fine and then Maldini scored. That was a sign of destiny. Maldini never scores."