Tuesday, February 20, 2007

New Week, New Apartment, Same Shit All Over the Sidewalk

I have finished moving and just need a few days to get all my crap sorted and stacked in piles that would make a paranoid schizophrenic weep. Someday, I might even host some people at the Nu Chez Wang.

Work progresses apace. Yadayadayda.

People still refuse to clean up after their dogs but the recent snows have helped me avoid these canine deposited land mines. Unfortunately, the snow and ice have made it all the more apparent that this is a neighborhood endorsed insurrection. The sheer number and volume of the deposits indicate a wide spread and coordinated attack on the sole of America. I have also uncovered evidence that this movement is spreading over sidewalks in other areas of DC.

Thursday night, I was walking a new acquaintance to the Dupont Circle Metro station after Drinking Liberally and we were accosted by an unaccompanied large dog. There were no obvious owners/caretakers/co-conspirators nearby and I commented on the flagrant violation of the leash law. The acquaintance admitted to trepidation in meeting new dogs without leashes. I then commented on the difficulties in cleaning up after an unleahed dog and the smelly situation in my neighborhood. The acquaintance then replied with rather a surprising amount of venom and wit, "That is fucking filthy. Jesus, what the hell? It's not like people are free to herd goats on the street or raise chickens and let them shit all over the place!"

I expressed similar outrage and a desire to make the offending owners suffer an unpleasantly foul experience. The acquaintance and I had a couple laughs at the situation and agreed to meet a later date to discuss plans and strategy.

This conversation reminded me of the pigs that some people in Bucharest would raise on the porches of their apartments. Every now and then, a pedestrian would be forced to dodge a brief shower of porcine fecal matter. Chickens were also a frequent sight on a Romanian balcony.


Anonymous said...

Wait, you found a large dog wandering unattended in a city and you didn't check its collar for a phone number/address?

Dogs are usually pretty cool about this. I'd just hate for a dog to get hit by a car because I was too lazy to check its collar.

Brando said...

Chuckes, do you also decorate according to Wang Shui?

And big dogs roaming around the streets are not pets. They're wildlife.

mdhatter said...

and I thought walking Boston sidewalks in winter was dangerous because of the falling icicles..... ewww.

Anonymous said...

I always thought that the Palisades was a hellhole. People who don't pick up after their pooches give the dogs a bad name. In my neighborhood, most people bag and toss dog poop, largely because of the fine example that Fanny sets for the less exemplary dogs.

Anonymous said...

How many apartments have you had since you began this blog?

Are you like a bad tenant or something?

Snag said...

He has to keep moving. He's being stalked by a certain ex-bowtie wearing freakshow.

Kathleen said...

this is a very funny post. that is all.

Chuckles said...

Wang shui is pretty good, Brando.

The dog took off across the icy streets before I could think to check its collar and I had no idea whether it would appreciate that. Frankly, if the poor thing got hit on Connecticut avenue, it is the owner's fault for being a shitty caretaker and not mine for being a passerby.

The Palisades has gone downhill lately, what with the neocon neighbors and all the poop. At least four new piles this morning and one of them had been scattered all over by a pedestrian. It seems almost deliberate since the piles are left in the center of the cleared areas of the sidewalk.

Anonymous said...

poop is a universal problem, amigo.

of course, here it's the cows and buffaloes. they poop everywhere. every morning on the bus, i see at least a couple doing their bizness, right on the damn road.

i never endorsed cow tipping before, but sometimes..

Anonymous said...

Chuckles- congratulations on the new wang digs.

Sorry about the doggy squalor. I hate picking up after the dog, but, I hate stepping in it even more. If you ever show up on my sidewalk, you'll have smooth sailing and I promise to check your collar for your return address.

Anonymous said...

I saw a large lab wandering around my neighbourhood a little bit ago. It was amazing how much like a typical Boston pedestrian he/she/it/dog behaved crossing the street. Kind of let the insane fast cars go by and then stared down the slower cars while crossing in a crosswalk. Did somebody teach it that?

I did follow the dog to check up on whether it had a collar. It did not. I had a delicious meal that night.

Chuckles said...

ACK! Jennifer wants to send me to Mexico, Indonesia, China or wherever the hell it is that Threadless buys their stocks shirts!

I should remember to wear an American Apparel shirt when I show up to kick that dog off the couch.