Thursday, October 27, 2005

The Chuck Bug: A CDC Proposal

Abstract:The Chuck Bug is a strange virus that seems spread through a strange interaction of vocal patterns with the aural nerve. It is extremely likely that there is a visual component as well, but several colleagues have divergent opinions in this area. The symptoms are peculiar. They consist of an odd attraction, completely without cause, for the individual known as chuckles and a strange sense that this individual is better than he appears.

There is one saving grace. If two individuals are infected with the bug at one event, the infected will often lapse into a state of remission while in proximity to both chuckles and each other. Should the social dynamic change by one of the infected leaving proximity to the source, the infection will wake and assert control.

The individual in question, chuckles, appears to be unable to control the infection in any way. It happens often enough to be remarkable yet in such an uncontrolled fashion as to be hilarious. Infection can happen across a broad range of women and has been known to be decidely awkward in certain social situations, such as weddings.

Vaccination is highly recommended, however, there is only one known cure for this viurs. Dating chuckles is the only known cure and it is an uncertain cure. Some have been cured in a matter of days, while other require months of exposure to the source. Still others never recover and are forever changed by the virus.

It is not yet known whether this is truly a virus or a hormonal, or even pheremonal, result from proximity to the source. Only time and study will tell.


Anonymous said...

I concur that the Chuckle Bug does exist, having once fallen ill to its infection. That is what it is…and infection. If you or someone you love has fallen victim, there is help available. You do not have to go threw the painful removal process of dating Chuckles. That can be dangerous to your emotional well being; instead, I encourage other techniques, still in the experimental phase.

For example:
1) Have a friend remind you that it is possible to do better, or better yet, have an attractive guy tell you that you are awesome and can do better. (Contact me for number in the DC area to help with this.)
2) Tell Chuckles that you are a republican. That will lead him into a monologue about the Republican Party, which will turn off even a liberal. However, many times his comments are amusing, so concentrate on the insults he is directing towards you.
3) Lastly, try to become friends with Chuckles. Introduce him to your friends, pretty much all at once. Build it up, so he will be slightly uncomfortable. Despite his charm, he is bound to insult you, ignore you, or flirt with one of your best friends the entire night.

Or, perhaps it is best to just date Chuckles and let things work themselves out. All else fails you will become good friends. He will show you great restaurants and good hikes by the river. Together you will have great conversations about life, people, religion, books, movies, and politics.

Chuckles said...


Not the Chuckle Bug.

fulsome said...

I'm about to UPCHUCK!

Anonymous said...

Whoa! People can not take it if you are as funny as they are.

Chuckles said...

fulsome, Leah.

Leah, fulsome.

dontEatnachos has also met Leah.

She is so funny.

Chuckles said...

She makes me look better than I ever could