Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Objectification of the Human Form

After much deliberation, I submit to you, dear reader, two new celebrities that deserve our hate. Gwyneth Paltrow and Sean Penn. We'll discuss the second person first.

Sean Penn is more of a spectacle now than an actor. His movies get phenomenal press and, for some reason, ridiculous indie cred that far outweighs the efforts he puts into acting in the movie. I have never been impressed with any of his performances, not even the recent one in New Orleans. Everything he does feels like a calculated attempt to convince people that he doesn't know and will never meet on the subway to like him, really like him. Sean Penn is an actor. He is famous because he works in the movies. Is this man really qualified to run around telling everyone how to vote and how to run the world? If he weren't famous, then he would be as coherent as the man who stand on the corner of Mass Ave and 34th St with the sign that reads, "The Vatican protects pedophiles!" As a citizen, his opinions are just as valid as mine, but he seems to think that because he is famous, he knows how our country should operate. Oh really, Mr. Penn, please elaborate on your Mid-East Peace Plan? I am also curious as to how you would implement a comprehensive HIV/AIDs education and prevention plan. What is your opinion on the wide spread use of powerful antibiotics to prevent infections among the infected hordes in Africa? Oh yeah, that right. You don't actually know crap because you studied acting. Sorry, I forgot that you are a pinhead.

I was going to rip on the Paltrow, but I feel like shitting on Sean some more. However, as a blogger I have certain responsibilities. (No, I don't these things are not newspapers people.) So, back to Gwenyth Paltrow. She has been good. Hell, she blew the Brits out the water while she was on her extended stay over there a few years ago. To her credit, she didn't pick up some fake accent. However, her most recent movie seems to have been her naming her child Apple. A sure sign that kid will be a coke addict but I digress. Her catalog has some good movies: Seven, The Talented Mr. Ripley and The Royal Tenenbaums to name the best. However, it also contains Duets which is almost unforgivable. Especially that song she sang that ended up on easy listening stations across the country and runs through my brain due to the fact that my boss in Portland insisted on subjecting us to it, even though she used headphones to listen to her own music. Basically, she has been phoning it in for a while now and the press has been all about her private life. I have began to cringe every time her name is mentioned and that is not good. Come on, Great Expectation? What was that crap? Lets not forget Bounce for christ's sake. Her IMDB listing is starting to stink worse than an apple diaper dumpling. Take a break and remember what is important. The performance on screen, not the cookiness off screen.

Harrison Ford and Angelina Jolie were brought up as possible targets of hate, but Ford has not had the tawdry off screen life even though his latest movies have all been crap. Air Force One and the other formulaic crud bother me, although I thought the ending to the one about him killing his mistress was neat. Jolie has made good movies in the past, but since Hackers most people just want the boobies. Her private life bugs the hell out of me. Not because of her actions but because people seem to care about it. However, the tide has been against her for a while now. I don't dislike her because she stole a man and a few babies, I dislike her because that seems more important to her than putting out a moving performance in a better than average movie. She would have won my hate if she proselytized more about UNICEF and was photographed carrying more sacks of grain in Africa and then shooting at the Un helicopters to get their attention. That would totally deserve my rage. However, since she is one of the few that even remembers that Africa exists and more people die from the incessant fighting and AIDs than die from tsunamis, I guess she is off the hook for now.


teh l4m3 said...

I think Blythe's daughter lost me when she made that terribly ill-advised Sylvia Plath biopic. Unforgiveable.

Oh, and marrying Chris Martin or whatever his name is evidences a lack of taste worthy of a beating with a car antenna.

Anonymous said...

Have you forgotten the Madonna factor too? I mean how fucking hard is it to stay married to a hot bi-sexual whore? Get a triple order of Viagra and forgot-about-it! Order as much shit as you can from The Adam and Eve catalog, befriend Courtney Love and her pussy posse and get all Studio 54 silly with it.

He should get a beating for that alone.

Chuckles said...

Has AG completely lost it? Stay tuned to my next post!

In other words: What the hell are you talking about?

Teh: I had forgotten that GP is married/dating/babymomma to the guy from Coldplay. Is it me or is Coldplay the equivalent of that gas they used in Serenity to try and pacify a population. If so, does that make us the Reavers?

Anonymous said...

Is it wrong that I agree with your post? I feel as though I should say something contrary just to make sure we never agree on anything. (Just kidding)

(And you thought I went away, ha!)

Chuckles said...

It isn't wrong at all.

Hee hee hee. This is the top of the slippery slope. Oh crap, stop typing before she figures it out-

Lindsey said...

I despise Angelina Jolie...and I agree...I don't see the big woop with Sean Penn's movies.

Chuckles said...

See!?! We should all hate him and make fun of him like we do with Tom Cruise.