The Dating Guide Prologue

So the Pretentious Bastard, AKA OfficerGleason, and I have decided to help our fellow man. Normally I try to help humankind but in this effort I am speaking solely to the gentleman geeks and the not-so-gentlemanly geeks that want to be gentleman geeks. OfficerGleason and I are writing a dating guide. This may sound rather ludicrous coming from a guy who broke up with a woman because she doesn't believe in global warming, but I am exactly the person you should come to for advice, on this and all other issues. As the title bar says, I am a Genius and thus provide brilliant consultations.

This guide is not going to help you get laid, it is going to help you date. What happens after that is between you and her. The only supplies you need to bring to these lessons are an open mind and a willingness to change.

You may want to reference my credentials which you may view in the past months and years of the archives. They say that practice makes perfect and as a genius I learn from my mistakes, so I have basically learned everything there is to know about dating.

Don't ask me about relationships though, those are fucking dark matter entities as far as I can tell.

My Nephew Has Really Grown Up in the Last Month

I am staying with dandrobium and his family for the weekend. For those of you that don't already know, dandrobium is one of my Brothers of Indeterminate Number. His lovely and talented wife, julenopsis, comes home and picks up her fascinatingly intelligent son, GeniusNephew. GeniusNephew has a vocabulary that rivals mine and has some curious opinions about gender roles as they relate to cars and trucks. julenopsis makes some comments about how a friend of hers called her a MILF at some point in the day. julenopsis' mother asks what a MILF is. julenopsis replies that a MILF is a "Mom I'd Like to Fool Around With." At this point, my nehpew decides to say, "MILF!" I giggle. My nephew looks at me and smiles and says, "MILF!" I crack up. julenopsis says, "Honey, don't say MILF!" GeniusNephew says, "MILF!" I lose it completely. GeniusNephew starts saying MILF over and over and I am hell and gone laughing my face off. dandrobium tries to get me to quit laughing by saying that is only encouraging GeniusNephew. I don't care because I can't stop laughing.

I couldn't get my nephew to say "Gender Roles" when he insisted that the biggest truck in the alley behind his house was definitely a man's truck.