To George and Susan on Their Wedding Day

This is not the toast I gave, but the toast I wrote before I was convinced that this toast was better absorbed through the eyeballs than the auditory nerve.  The actual toast I gave will follow on a later date.  Following that, I may give a lecture on how to give toasts, depending on how these two posts are received.*

"There's been a lot of talk about the definition of marriage lately. *Pause for laughter*  People have argued this til the boring end, and yet I do not stand here to speak about the definition of marriage.  I wonder about the meaning of marriage.  What does it mean for two people to stand in front of their friends and family and declare that they will be married.  What does it mean in this world, in this time, for two people to be married?

We hear no end of suffering, we see no end to bloodshed, we see no peace among the disparate groups of humans on this planet.  Misery seeps through our lives, infecting every aspect.  Cynicism rots our core until we can no longer raise a hand in aid of another.  What does it matter that two people wish to join their lives, to entwine their fates, in the face of such utter hopelessness, despair, and cynicism?  What can we do as witnesses, but bear the silent burden?

Bear with me, folks, this does lead to a point. * Pause for nervous laughter.*

When two people stand up to be married, they are defying the naysayers, the broken ones, and the fearmongers.  Two people who love each other enough to stand in front of those they value most in the world to say "I love you, and will hold your heart above all else in this world" are expressing defiance.  Defiance in the face of despair, hope in the face of suffering, and romance in the depths of cynicism.

Marriage is the ultimate rebellion.  Marriage is punk rock.  Marriage is a middle finger held up to an uncaring universe.  Marriage is a defiance of the unending wave of terror that floods our lives from all directions.  Marriage is a beacon of warmth, love, hope, and romance in a threatening world, and we witnesses will always be ready to remind you of this day.  This day when you stood in front of all the people who matter to you and said, "I love you, and take thee to be my partner in all things."

* Received has always looked like a misspelled word to me.

Permits, Tests, and Lessons Learned

So I am teaching my brother how to drive. He has taken driver's ed classes, and is now working through the 60 hours of supervised driving required by the state of Maryland. I understand my father a little better than I did before this experience. Jebus Monte Crisco, I think I have lost a few years off my life. So far the best part has been:

Me: "Just turn right here."
Brother: "It says Do Not Enter."
Me: "Ah fuck it, just go, what are the chances a cop is around?"
Brother: "I don't wanna break the law."
Me: "Just fucking go already."
Cop: "Why did you just drive through that Do Not Enter sign?"
Brother, smiling a shit eating grin: "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I'm just trying to pick up my wife and I wasn't sure which way was for the buses and which for the cars."
Me: "It was my fault, I gave him bad directions. I don't drive and walk everywhere, so I didn't even notice that was a Do Not Enter sign."
Cop: "Well, you just make sure you obey the signs in the future."
Brother's Wife: "What is going on?"

hee

WOWZA! PEPCO Bills Go Through the Roof

I got a bit of a shock when I opened my PEPCO bill this morning. PEPCO claims that I used 9490 kilowatt hours in the last billing cycle. I switched apartments within the same building in February and have paid bills since then. If I remember correctly, I paid for February through March in April and then paid relatively on time in May (ACTUALLY, I DIDN'T PAY IN MAY, MY BAD). My usual usage is about twenty dollars in the winter (we have gas heating) and my biggest summer bill was forty-eight dollars and I was running the AC all evening. Now PEPCO claims that I owe them over one thousand dollars for the latest billing cycle. I know that rates rise in the summer but that is a little extreme. I will have to lodge some sort of protest and get this checked out.

I have vague recollections, that may just be wishful thinking, of news stories from last summer about people getting excessively large bills when PEPCO switched to the summer rates. If I were to add up all of my previous bills, I doubt they would be this high.

11:45 PM Wednesday, MORE INFORMATION FOR THOSE WHO CARE: I used 470 KWH hours from March 18th to April 13th, or some thing like that. I forgot to pay that bill because I am a disorganized person. Two months at that usage rate would be about 940 KWH which makes a bit of sense. The bill has a "multiplier" of 10 to determine the KWH and it seems reasonable to think that the meter reading was just multiplied by 10 a second time. I have called PEPCO and they opened an investigation. I should hear back in 48-72 hours. The representative asked me if I had installed any new appliances. I almost responded with, "Well, I do have this particle accelerator and I have been running it a lot." It's a 60 year old 435 square foot apartment, how the hell could I use 10 freaking MEGAWATTS without tripping every breaker in the building and burning the place to the ground?