Absent-Minded Genius/History Lesson

Dearest audience,

You may notice that there is something...unusual about the following post. This is for a very good reason, which I will reveal in a moment.

First, I would like to tell you about Simo Hayha. For those of you who are familiar with WWII Finnish snipers, Simo Hayha is a household name. He is probably in my top ten WWII sniper faves, maybe even in the top 3.

Before entering combat, Häyhä was a farmer and a hunter. His farmhouse was reportedly full of trophies for marksmanship. It was during the Winter War (1939–1940), between Finland and the Soviet Union, that he began his duty as a sniper and fought the Red Army.

Häyhä was credited with 505 confirmed kills of Soviet soldiers, and 542 if including the unconfirmed deaths. The unofficial Finnish frontline figure from the battlefield of Kollaa places the number of Häyhä's sniper kills over 800! Häyhä was also credited with over two hundred kills with a Suomi KP/-31 submachine gun, thus bringing his credited kills to at least 705. All of Häyhä's kills were accomplished in less than 100 days.

One tactic used by Häyhä was to compact the snow in front of him so that the shot wouldn't disturb the snow, thus revealing his position. He also kept snow in his mouth so that when breathing he wouldn't reveal his position.

The Soviets tried several ploys to get rid of him, including counter snipers and artillery strikes. On March 6 1940, Häyhä was shot in the jaw during combat. The bullet tumbled upon impact and left his head. He was picked up by fellow soldiers who said "half his head was missing". He regained consciousness on March 13, the day peace was declared.

It took several years for Häyhä to recuperate from his wound. The exploding Soviet bullet had crushed his jaw and blown off his left cheek. Nonetheless, he made a full recovery and became a successful moose hunter and dog breeder after World War II.

When asked in 1998 how he had become such a good shot, he answered, "Practice." When asked if he regretted killing so many people, he has said "I did what I was told to as well as I could." Simo Häyhä spent his last years in a small village called Ruokolahti located in the south-east of Finland near the Russian border.

You may be wondering why you just read all of that. This is because Charles' blog has been hijacked by his brother Tim and his friend George. Always remember to log off Blogger on other people's computers.

Totally Tarantula Tuesday: Extra Special Biting the Hand That Feeds You Edition

Typing one handed is a lot tougher than all those people on message boards joke about it being. Especially when your roommate and one time confidante has assaulted you while you were watering the remaining cricket crop. Not cool. Seriously not cool.

In other news, my hand had almost healed from it's injurious wounding back in February. In somewhat related news, it still hurts. In less than truly related news but still sorta relationary, I will not be reviewing Bear Republic Racer 5 IPA any time soon. In less than related news, nor will any of the so-called contributors to Well-Rounded Nerds, despite their claims of near-constant Spotted Cow consumption. In totally unrelated and not at all interesting-ness, if you want something done, blog about it four months later.

How Can This Not Be Awesome?

How could anyone not be eagerly awaiting Mega-Shark vs Giant Octopus?

The IMDB page says "Up 11,403% in popularity this week." I laughed out loud.

It Happened Again

I had a great post idea last night while talking on the phone with my brother, and now I can't remember it. I think it was one of those observational humor/advice from an idiot ones that are pretty good/stupid. Let's all just assume it was hilarious and you all loved it and linked to me and sent me tons of fan mail.

Two Words on the Show Bearing My Name

SAVE CHUCK.

And now, some more words on the show:
I wish I had tv reception so that I could have watched season 2, but I don't have an antenna nor do I have the cash for a converter. Whatever, I still like the show.

Someone's in the Kitchen with the Genius

Here's what I made to eat a couple weeks ago and forgot to blog until now:
-4 slices of roast turkey (Oscar Meyer low fat style)
-Remains of a bag of peas and carrots
-five eggs
-can of tomatos with green chili and celery
-sharp cheddar cheese
-potatos from November
-various spices
Sautee turkey and peas and carrots in butter and whatever spices you want. Spice eggs how you want, whisk eggs. Once the turkey and peas are browned enough for you taste, toss in can of tomatos and etc. Let it simmer for a while, then toss in eggs and mix. Throw cubes of cheese on because you are out of bread and fuck it, you could use the fat for energy.

In another pan, stir fry cubed potatos with spices and butter. Then lower the heat and cover. Use as base for other pan's contents, and also because those fucking potatos have been in your fridge since Q4 2008. Maybe get rid of the ugly ones and the ones gone too soft even for your broke ass sensibilities? Maybe.

Toss the potatos on your plate and then pile on the other crap, realizing that the potatos and butter are the best part of your meal. Receive an understanding from the universe about peas, and the frying thereof. Gain sudden insight into why you've never heard of a recipe that calls for fried peas. That oatmeal and potato diet you've read about seems pretty damn good while you chomp away on your balogna pie.