Just had a dream in which I was living in a lovely duplex
house above a seaside cliff. The duplex
had a huge yard with some lovely hedges, a nice garden, and a bench by the
cliff for assignations. There were
several acres of gardens, and no real reason for the house to be a duplex which
might explain why the other half was empty.
There was a large pile of newspapers in front of the door to the other
house, and it bothered me daily but the real estate agent said I couldn’t clean
it up. I had moved there to research
some super-rum invented by the Pirate LeChuck from Monkey Island. I had possibly nefarious reasons for this
research, and was trying to hide it from my neighbors in the duplex. Even though there was no one living next
door, I was still secretive about my super-rum recipes and research. I closed all the curtains and watched old
16mm films of LeChuck in action in the basement. These weren’t fiction, they were like family
films from the 50s and 60s, but filmed by a member of the Pirate LeChuck’s
crew.
It was Halloween, and I had forgotten to purchase any
candy. The man from down the lane
brought his children to my door for Trick or Treat, along with an enormous Grizzly
Bear-sized dog. The dog liked me. I answered the door and was confused about
the kid’s constumes, and said, “All Saint’s Day! Of course! Hold here a moment while I locate some
sweeties.” I put my Model 1865 revolver
on the floor behind the door, and dropped the crossword over it so the kids
wouldn’t see it. The father did, and was
only slightly bothered.
It was then that I realized I was Dracula teaching Biology
or some -ology at a college, and my students and I were preparing for a
whitewater rafting trip, upon which I was only planning on feeding on some of
them. I also realized that I had just
used an entire bag of Starbursts in my latest batch of super-rum, and only had
a one of each basic color left, but they were soaking in a coconut-husk mug of
extremely potent, but ultimately not the super-rum, rum. I sheepishly turned to the family, and nearly
walked into the enormous dog who was perfectly silent in my creaky duplex, and held out the
Starbursts. “These have been soaking in
some rather potent rum, so I doubt you want your delightful children eating
them. I’m sorry, children! I let my
research overwhelm me sometimes, you know how it is.”
They shook their heads and stared at me, and I realized I
probably just showed the whole family my fangs, good thing it was
Halloween. The father started waving the
kids on, saying that they would try the next house, and that maybe those people
were considerate enough of the long walk down the drive to actually have some
candy. I said that wasn’t likely as the
other half of the duplex was empty. I
promised to deliver some candy tomorrow night, as that was All Soul’s Day. The father gave me an odd look and hustled
his children out the door. The gigantic
bear dog stayed with me, and it must have decided to move in because it had red
eyes now.
Jennifer Garner was one of my students, but not one of those
I was planning on devouring. She had
left her laptop and mountain bike at my house after one of the planning
meetings for the whitewater rafting trip.
She was annoyingly nosy, and trying to discover my secret. We had to make a trip back to my house to allow her to collect her bike and computer, and she tried to slip into my basement. I told her that I kept it locked because of the rum brewing equipment. I didn't tell her about the coffins.
The evening before the trip, we were all
staying overnight in the biology department's hallways. One of the students had said that he had
noticed that I could hold my breath for a really long time, during an incident
on a practice trip wherein I had saved a couple of my students from
drowning. During this incident, I had
learned that these students were also supernatural, the boy some sort of tree-fairy
person, and the girl some sort of rock-fairy person. I resolved that I would feed on and kill this
annoying blonde student who looked a little bit like any fungible blonde
Hollywood actor. No one would notice his
disappearance, but until I murdered him I was going to mess with his head by
forgetting to breathe around him. I
think I actually held my breath because the next section of the dream was
dominated by an increasingly loud heartbeat and pressure building in my chest
in a way that shouldn’t happen to Dracula or any other vampire because they don’t
need to breathe unless they are talking.
Someone suggested a game, and broke out a copy of Geeks
Bidding on Closing Game Store Merchandise, with art by John Kovalich and a
rules combination of Munchkin and Fluxx and Uno. We played this for a while, and then my
brother suggested we watch his Lord of the Rings fan movie. I had not noticed that he was on the trip
before this.
The movie covered various aspects of the Silmarillion,
primarily dealing with Faenor fighting Morgoth, Gandalf smoking his pipe and talking, and
the Fall of Gondolin. It didn’t make a
whole lot of sense even from my perspective as a dreamer. I think Gandalf may have been meant to be a
narrator. He was played a rabbit in grey
robes and not a man with a beard. This
movie featured stop motion animation, looked like a modern Terry Gilliam Monty
Python animation, and had music by the choir from the Lemmiwinks episodes of
South Park.
A large mouse in a white wizard hat, maybe Saruman, picked
up Morgoth’s hammer after Morgoth’s defeat and used it to smash several
characters back to life. They were lying
in circles on the ground, and the mouse smashed them with the gigantic hammer
and the sprung to life and started singing, then the God from Monty Python’s
Quest for the Holy Grail showed up from behind some clouds and the smash
resurrected people walked off into the clouds.
All I could think was that all of this was completely non-canon.
I’m not exactly sure how I was going to survive on a
whitewater rafting trip as a vampire, but this was a dream, so I’m not
responsible for making it logical.
1 comment:
Congratulations on remembering a nice weird dream.
I never remember mine. I sometimes think, "I should put a pencil and notebook on the clock table..."
But I always forget.
~
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