Weekends

Weekends are really only cool if you have a job. There is no sense of freedom and 60 pass on Friday afternoon. There was a time* I don't work for the money or the sheer joy of earning other people money that they won't share with me. I work to enjoy the weekend.** Some people say that a person wastes a lot of time watching TV, if they don't utilize their weekdays.

Well, on Thursday I went out and utilized my time. I went out to enjoy myself and the weather and me in the weather and music and run on sentences. Apparently, this is the worst idea ever and people should never go out on a weekday alone.*** I got sick from the appetizer I ate. How sick? So sick. I took a sick day on Friday because of the, well, you know. I ate something and then it decided to eat me from the inside out.

Pop Ren knows how much damage a man can inflict on plumbing.# Around 2 pm on Friday, I was feeling well enough to think about cleaning my bathroom. At that point, the only substance known to man## that would have helped me in this endeavor is White Phosphorous. I actually looked into acquiring some of this and the agents said they would be over to talk to me later.### In my defense, I had a fever until Saturday afternoon in addition to a near total lack of sleep until Saturday evening. I wasn't rational. I wouldn't normally advocate firebombing a bathroom in an attempt to clean it, but it was pretty bad and I was rather delirious.

On Saturday, the weather was awesome. It was 60 or 70 some degrees out and a little bit sunny and I had planned on going rollerblading or biking up and down some trails near my apartment. That didn't happen. Now it is Sunday and I feel almost completely better, except when I eat, and I am at work because our conference starts on Wednesday and I have to photocopy about 4000 flyers for thirty different sessions because my boss decided, last week, that he wanted more advertisements for our booths.

So, my entire weekend, the sole reason I work, has been shot out of a fiery ass cannon by an attempt to expand my horizons.*# I am sticking to television during the week from now on.

*Ok, so there have been more than a few stretches of unemployment in my life.
**Wasn't there a song about this?
***Either that, or God and the kitchen staff of Los Arrieros hate me. And they've never even met me. They must be psychic. I should destroy them all!
#Not really, I didn't even lay a huge hurting on his toilet. Just a mild hurting.
##Or woman, The Genius is an equal opportunity kind of guy.
###Haha! Just kidding! Don't sodomize me with my own whale, DHS!
*#Yes, the weekend was shot to shit.