Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Coffee and Other Related Subjects

So it has been a rough day. Meh. I was up to 330 AM due to a truly outrageous cup of coffee I had at 5 PM. I thought it was 3. I may be a genius, but I haven't quite mastered time travel yet. The technique I hope to master someday involves subjective and objective realities. Some people might cite Berkeley as a direct counter to my methods of time travel/universal travel, but I don't believe in God and there is no evidence that there is a direct perceiver, but there are the apparent laws of the universe like the Speed of Light and the Speed of Electrons to consider. Since a person can change the nature of his/her reality through force of will and effort, (Bill Gates and Donald Trump are adequate examples) these laws should be mutable to some degree. I guess my failings so far are due to my incomplete understanding of certain principles. A person really should take a decent spread of courses in order to gain a thorough grounding for living in this world. Physics, philosophy, arithmetic, literature and history in particular. I am sure that there are more subjects that one should study but really all topics are just offshoots of philosophy anyway, so what is the point of studying anything but? Even the samurai knew that Socrates was the original. Half of the Hagakure so far has been Socratic in nature and the other half is just a response to Socrates because the Japanese are, as a people, haters.* After all everything is just a footnote to Plato, so stop hating. Anyway, I think it would be pretty awesome to see a movie starring Socrates because he was such a hard core bad ass mofo. Some people may try to say that Socrates was an old flirt who liked the boys and talking and what has talk ever done for us? Well, to those people I say, you are quite the students of history. Socrates was a soldier who lived to be fifty or sixty. I remind you that this was back in the days of spears and shields and giant, unholy cans of whupass. Medical care? Field hospitals? Not likely. It is more like being an old mobster or something. You know they are hard core because they are still around. So have a little respect for Socrates because he'll bust a busload of caps in your miniscule cranium if you keep on talking that crap. I just came up with an awesome idea for a series of movies. And they are good. Now I just need some money.

*Not so much, the guys I have known were actually pretty damn awesome and could pound beers with the best. Not for as long but with as much enthusiasm.

16 comments:

teh l4m3 said...

Ooh, excellent. You should totally cast me as a young Aristotle, as I have a nice, pert fanny and would look very good with Plato's hands shoving my chiton over my head in a fit of manly passion.

almostinfamous said...

chuckles, it's called decaf. look into it.

and the only thing donald trump is an adequate example of is a man with poor taste in hairstyling products.

Chuckles said...

AIF: You don't like the comb forward? Two of my three bosses are still sticking to the comb over despite glaring evidence that they are seriously balding. They look pretty silly. I finally convincced a buddy of mine (in his twenties) that the amount of bald head covered by comb over is directly related to the amount of poon you will not get. Just shave it close and keep it trim. Turn a disadvantage into a strength and you've got them on the run, sonny jim. And I love the way caffeine affects my style. Cuts out all the stupid crap.

Teh: You would totally have that part. Can you grow a manly greeek beard? My landlord/coworker has finally gone the full goat and stache. I think he is trying to hook up at our upcoming conference.

AssParrot said...

Can I have a cameo as Chaerephon, and when they give Socrates the hemlock, I'm all, "Don't drink it!" and then I turn to the camera, pull off a mask and bust out: "I'm really Aristophanes and I'm totally inventing the dramatic twist and breaking the fourth wall at the same time, so you better update my wikipedia entry cobagz!"

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Chuckie, for once you actually know what you're talking about! Bald is hot. And the less hair, the better. I say shave it all off along with the back and ass hair. AG love a man without hair!

AssParrot said...

Oh, and in another twist, the hemlock is decaffinated, hence the orange-rimmed ceremonial death chalice. Just a little detail the TIVO'ers would catch.

Chuckles said...

Goddam TiVO is destroying the BetaMax industry.

teh l4m3 said...

Chuckles: Yes, I can.

AG: What about a man without eyebrows? You know, like Guinan?

Chuckles said...

I bet she would totally do Whoopi.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I am not a fan of the unibrow.

Chuckles said...

Yeah, but I bet you are a fan of brow ridges.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Brow ridges? OK, you've stumped me on that one.

Chuckles said...

The implication is that you like neanderthals, erectus and other forms of non-human primates.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

How so? I like them without hair. That makes 'em more human and less primate. You're just jealous because you have too much hair for me to be interested. :)

Chuckles said...

I also have too much

oh nevermind, it isn't worth it.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Oh Chuckie! You never would have backed down from that before, why start now, lovecake!

You know AG wants the naughty. It just wouldn't be you and I cannot be me if you walk away.