Rain on My Parade, God? Urine for a Beating

I finally dragged my ass out of bed to watch the dawn break over the Atlantic Ocean this morning at half past holy fuck it's early. I dressed and was about to stumble downstairs for my shoes and then proceed to the beach when I realized it was raining. Raining hard. Things slowly turned over in my head and then I ran around closing a few windows and collecting the cushions off the furniture on the porch. The one thing my hosts had asked that I do before leaving was to move all the cushions on the porch to the house to prevent them from getting wet. All I can say is that if I hadn't woken up early to see the non-dawn, I wouldn't have heard the rain.

As for the suspects that ruined my dawn-watching, the urine is being frozen as I type. St. Peter is going to find a strange odor when he reports for work one of these days.

Impromptu Beaching

I drove to the beach yesterday. I sat on the beach today. I forgot to apply lotion and am feeling a little overdone. I am also tired from sleeping 12 hours last night and into this morning. I haven't slept so long in at least 8 months. I feel fantastic, except for the radiation-burned parts of me. Despite being broke, underemployed, broken, and almost beaten, I live a charmed life at times. Thanks to my brother for the use of his car while he is off visiting the Motherland.

My expeditious return to darkest Wisconsin begins sometime next week. And yes, I did need a brief vacation before my vacation. I almost regret leaving my manservant, butler, staff, and entourage behind on this minor excursion as I have no one to apply lotion to my back.

Almost Nine Months Clean

August 6 will nine months clean for me. Clean of the scourge of relationships the world over. Clean of the perfect addiction for people like me. Clean of the reason I could never lose weeight before. Clean of an activity that consumed straights weeks of real time and years of subjective time. Clean of the World of Warcraft.

I'm getting the shakes, man. I just need a little something to occupy my time. Ideally, this something should be female, at least 5'6," own a bike, like music and concerts, and like Air Guitar.

Anybody Got Any Drones They Want to Declare?

DERA ISMAIL KHAN, Pakistan – Suspected U.S. drones launched two missile attacks on Taliban targets in the South Waziristan tribal region on Wednesday, killing at least 45 militants in the latest in a barrage of strikes close to the Afghan border, intelligence officials said.

"Suspected U.S. drones..." This construction doesn't make much sense to me. Are there other drones flying around Pakistani airspace? Are the skies above Waziristan full of robot airplanes of questionable nationality^*? If we are meant to suspect the origin of the missile strikes, then a different wording would be more appropriate and less confusing. Perhaps:

"Two missile attacks on Taliban targets in the South Waziristan tribal region killed at least 45 militants, according to intelligence officials. The missiles may have been fired by U.S. drones being operated in cooperation with Pakistani military efforts to weaken the..." etc, etc, etc.

As it is now, I am left to wonder when the suspected drones will be brought in for questioning, and possibly charged with some crime.

* I bet it was those sheisty Libyans. Those sketchy cobags are constantly sending invisible drones around to check up on me. THERE'S ONE NOW! No, wait, it's gone.

Rice and Beans, Genius Style

If you use these ingredients:
Long grain brown rice, one cup or so
Pinto beans, more than one but less than a whole bag
Black beans, maybe twice as many as pinto
Kidney beans, one third as many as the black but no more than half as many of the Pinto
Spices, at least three times as many as of different types of beans but only 1/100 of the mass of the total bean mass
Diced green chilis and tomatoes, one can

Given that the beans have been soaking overnight in filtered tap water, and that the rice is from place or places unknown, and that the chilis and tomato mixture is in a 14.5 oz can, and that Al Gore won a Noble Prize (shared), calculate the carbon footprint of the above meal. Be sure to include methane emissions in your summation.