Slightly Late to the Party

Two quick notes: if you know The Genius and are in his area, he's having a Holiday Cookie Party at his place on Saturday. Give him a call and you can tell him you're coming with cookies. Or you can tell him you're not coming. The Genius would also like to say that he's not sure why he's writing in the third person but hopes to break this with the next paragraph.

In my second note, I'd like to point out that I work nights, and thus am late to early morning news of terrible import.

THIS SORTA JUST IN, BUT YOU'VE ALL PROBABLY KNOWN ABOUT IT FOR HORUS!!!

An octopus species has been spotted using tools! This is seriously bad news for us humans, and also for dolphins. After reading the first couple paragraphs, I realized that we were all fucked because Aquaman finally has smart creatures to aid his battle against the land-dwellers, and that Ryan North must be warned!

Sadly, several bajillion people had the same thought. About Aquaman. Dude is pissed about his Robot Chicken episode.

Rick Ca-Rolled

My bar was caroled last night. The six of them came in and sang "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" to our crowd. Pretty much the entire bar sang along, including Scroogy McGenius. I remarked that this was the best trick I'd seen yet for getting free drinks, but then they left without having anything! What a wasted opportunity to get wasted on the cheap. Sing a couple carols, tell the bartender you'll keep singing until he pours you a free shot, down it, and move on to the next victim, er, bar.

Whales, Or What I Was Thinking About As I Walked Home Last Night

I would be unsurprised if the entire sushi-eating-capable* portion of humanity were able to consume the entire currently-living cetacean population in one busy afternoon and evening. I can not, at the time of writing, determine which result would cause me more sadness and general disappointment with humanity. Obviously, I know which result would surprise me more.

* Capability is determined as those with no known allergies with adequate income and also within a certain geographic proximity of a sushi-serving establishment and/or venue. (Ie. The Filet Strip Club and Sushi Bar in Courtsmouth, PA and that place in Albuquerque, NM where I went with my college girlfriend.)

Thanksgiving Is Nigh, As Is Another Cooking Post

I have been tasked with making the stuffing. I'm probably making three different varieties of stuffing. The first kind will be a corn bread stuffing, made with the assistance of my lovely, er, assistant. The second will be vegan. I'm already as disgusted as you by this prospect, but I'm the sensitive sort of asshole, and one of my fellow Thanksgivers is vegan so I'm giving it a shot. The third variety of stuffing will be whole wheat, if it exists at all.

My lovely assistant will be baking pies, both apple and a pecan-glazed pumpkin. I might make a berry pie, but that's not exactly a traditional recipe. I'm also certain that would push the carbon footprint of this meal way up into the stratosphere, and that's the worst place to deposit CO2.

Anyway, expect some rampant insanity in the kitchen, mayhem in the living room, and chaos in the bathroom.

Snakes and Drains*

I scrubbed my bathtub today, and encountered a serious problem. This problem was not entirely unexpected as I had heard the maintenance guys snaking the drain of the apartment upstairs yesterday before I left for work. I did not expect the ensuing mess to be as troublesome as it was, however.

While I was rinsing off the scrubbing agent, I quickly ascertained that my drain was horribly blocked. I finished the scrubbing job, rinsed my hands, raised a fist and a curse over head, and grabbed my trusty plunger. Why a plunger for a bathtub you ask? 1. It works better than a snake. Yes, it's grosser because the clots of hair come back up, but those clots won't be bothering anyone else. 2. I don't have to wait for the maintenance guys. They're nice dudes, but they've got better things to do then piss off tenants by passing a clot down to the next two apartments. 3. It's good exercise. I spent twenty minutes pounding away on that frigging drain, and holding a damp cloth over the overflow hole.**

I guess I'm saying that I'm proactive. About certain things. I guess I'm also sick of my upstairs neighbor being a moron about drains. She tried to run a whole mess of godonlyknowswhatsquamousmess down her disposal in her first month, and that crap ended up all over my kitchen floor. Maybe don't shove an entire turkey, plastic bag included, down your drain? Maybe get one of those handy drain covers that you can clean off after each shower? Maybe then I won't blog about your nasty hair in my bathtub. Don't try and hide it by dyeing it either, you aren't fooling me.

* Post title inspired and/or stolen from last night's Dethklok episodes.
** Without that, you can't work up enough Dyson to make effective use of the plunger.