Totally Tarantula Tuesday: Who Needs Meth?

I'm all three forms of gamer: RPGer, wargamer, videogamer and a GM! Woooo! All those others weirdos are just odd.

When we play Battlelords of the 23rd Century, I am the sniper and also the rules lawyer. When we have rules questions and they benefit the players in such a way as to fuck the situation, I then "remember" one that benefits the GM next. I keep saying that we wouldn't have these problems if the GM would just read the effing books. dandrobium may not like that much but fuck it, I have helped rebuild so much shit in his house¹, I deserve some damn breaks in game. Shit, man, if he had thought about it a little harder we would have installed a whole new shower in the basement, one of those fiberglass one that come in pieces and then he would have had to replaster the fucking thing but just because I have never apprenticed myself to a fecking plumber or carpenter, I can't be trusted. Shiiiit, our dad rebuilt our house in Chevy Chase and I paid better subconscious attention to that than I did the fucking Thundercats.² How else would you explain how I know how to fix plumbing problems? From my time at the gutter company? Probably. I learned a lot about water in that shitty job. Every damn time I talk about his homeowner projects and offer advice, unsolicited to be true, I have been confirmed by every source he can find. Does this make him trust me on anything? Fuck no! It has made him trust me less, like I am some sort of idiot savant about home improvement. This is the only thing his wife will trust me with, aside from their son, which is saying something because I don't think she would trust me with 20 bucks otherwise. You want to know where this shit really comes from? Gene Fucking Hackman.³ His real name, look it up. I just imagine a man with more training and experience and ask myself how he would handle this problem. I can fix anything. Except electricity, I don't fuck with that shit. Fucking shit'll kill you deader than you can say Russell Crowe sucked ass in Gladiator.⁴ I think I drank too much coffee today and I am supposed to meet some pretty ladies tonight. I should film that cuz it's gonna be funnier than that video of the donkey violating some dude in a field. Which was DAMN funny. I do believe that I will be doing my impression of the Human Torch by evening's end. I am not sure what I mean by that.

1 I have more fun working on his house than I do in the World of Warcraft. I wouldn't say yes to everything if it weren't. That being said, I am still ashamed that I passed out on the floor asleep while everyone else kept on painting.
2 I had Mum-Ra and the frog dude and my younger brother had Jackal-Guy or whatever. I always thought my parents hated me because they got me the fucking FROG dude. How lame was that character concept?
3 Hackman will fucking kill you if you don't get the blocking right this time.
4 Russell Crowe is the fucking Dyson of actors. He never loses suction no matter the plot!