Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Talk Like a Pirate Day AKA Kill Like a Ninja Day

Hey Pirates! You better be watching over your shoulder today because all this piratical nonsense is likely to make the ninjas hiding among us totally flip out and kill someone.

In other news, this story would totally be killing me right now if my college hadn't done the same thing when I was a Junior/Senior. I had two/three shitty years of sleeping on a stained and beaten old mattress in college, not even counting the spinal travesties that were my high school beds, and these punks don't know how good it is to have a double mattress. Getting it on was hard enough with my awkward social habits and fumbling looks but those mattresses were like your best cockblocking friend. If you tried to shift position, you were likely to have a spring burst through the top and stab you in the kidney. That is one tetanus shot that is awful hard to explain to your parents. Fucking kids have it easy these days.

11 comments:

Stephanie said...

Since when did our college give out double beds?? I was stuck in a narrow single all my years. And it definitely left a lot to be desired.

billy pilgrim said...

Heck, when I was twenty, a bed was optional.

Any horizontal surface would do for a nap; for the other, just some mild visual cover would do....

Chuckles said...

Well, not doubles but they were full size not tiny twins. Those blue rubberized ones they had when you were a freshperson. Those were new and larger than the ones I remember from my first freshperson year.

Elmo said...

BAM! spammed ya...

Y'all Chickenhawks to Me - by Elmo (MP3)

(If you have trouble with the link right click and "save target as")

Chuckles said...

You win, Elmo.

You fucking win so hard.

Kathleen said...

I tell ya! Kids today! I had to sleep on a tiny stained matress in four feet of snow, uphill!!

Mandos said...

Uphill BOTH WAYS.

Brando said...

It's kind of sad to hear -- adding your stains to the mattress was a right of passage.

Chuckles said...

I have no idea what you are talking about, Brando. No idea at all.

NOPE!

NONE.

NADA.

Ok, I totally poured spaghetti sauce on mine in an attempt to make it look like someone had been murdered on the bed. Or maybe I didn't.

Alex said...

Oh man, I remember Beloit's single beds - my feet hung off one end, they *upgraded* us to the rubber ones from the ones full of bedbugs, lice, and semen, and often, I had to go the easy route and have sex on my floor or desk in order to avoid the aforementioned kidney-stabbing springs.

Just another reason to appreciate life out of school...of which there are terribly few.

Chuckles said...

My mattress at home isn't much better, but it is clean. Hasn't seen nearly as much action as I would like but there you have it.