Friday, September 21, 2007

Totally Tarantula Tuesday: Who Needs Meth?

I'm all three forms of gamer: RPGer, wargamer, videogamer and a GM! Woooo! All those others weirdos are just odd.

When we play Battlelords of the 23rd Century, I am the sniper and also the rules lawyer. When we have rules questions and they benefit the players in such a way as to fuck the situation, I then "remember" one that benefits the GM next. I keep saying that we wouldn't have these problems if the GM would just read the effing books. dandrobium may not like that much but fuck it, I have helped rebuild so much shit in his house1, I deserve some damn breaks in game. Shit, man, if he had thought about it a little harder we would have installed a whole new shower in the basement, one of those fiberglass one that come in pieces and then he would have had to replaster the fucking thing but just because I have never apprenticed myself to a fecking plumber or carpenter, I can't be trusted. Shiiiit, our dad rebuilt our house in Chevy Chase and I paid better subconscious attention to that than I did the fucking Thundercats.2 How else would you explain how I know how to fix plumbing problems? From my time at the gutter company? Probably. I learned a lot about water in that shitty job. Every damn time I talk about his homeowner projects and offer advice, unsolicited to be true, I have been confirmed by every source he can find. Does this make him trust me on anything? Fuck no! It has made him trust me less, like I am some sort of idiot savant about home improvement. This is the only thing his wife will trust me with, aside from their son, which is saying something because I don't think she would trust me with 20 bucks otherwise. You want to know where this shit really comes from? Gene Fucking Hackman.3 His real name, look it up. I just imagine a man with more training and experience and ask myself how he would handle this problem. I can fix anything. Except electricity, I don't fuck with that shit. Fucking shit'll kill you deader than you can say Russell Crowe sucked ass in Gladiator.4 I think I drank too much coffee today and I am supposed to meet some pretty ladies tonight. I should film that cuz it's gonna be funnier than that video of the donkey violating some dude in a field. Which was DAMN funny. I do believe that I will be doing my impression of the Human Torch by evening's end. I am not sure what I mean by that.

1 I have more fun working on his house than I do in the World of Warcraft. I wouldn't say yes to everything if it weren't. That being said, I am still ashamed that I passed out on the floor asleep while everyone else kept on painting.
2 I had Mum-Ra and the frog dude and my younger brother had Jackal-Guy or whatever. I always thought my parents hated me because they got me the fucking FROG dude. How lame was that character concept?
3 Hackman will fucking kill you if you don't get the blocking right this time.
4 Russell Crowe is the fucking Dyson of actors. He never loses suction no matter the plot!

9 comments:

Andy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
comment deleted said...

This post has been removed by an emu.

Kathleen said...

all three forms of gamer: RPGer, wargamer, videogamer and a GM!

aren't those four things?

Adorable said...

Genius, it's Friday. Not Tuesday!

Chuckles said...

Two jokes in those two sentences. Keep up.

Andy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennb said...

Do you really think we are pretty???

Chuckles said...

Sure. I say it every time we hang out. I don't do that for my own edification, do I?

Or do I?

Jennb said...

ain't cha sweet.

It must be for your own edification, becuase boys are dense.