Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Coffee Shop Near Work Nearly Burned to the Ground Yesterday

Because I found out they were holding out on me. They hide the crumb cake until the afternoon. I was close to calling down the fires of heaven and rendering the employees into a fine red paste and salting the smoking hole that was left by the meteors with their blood. This was the legacy of my ancestry flaming within me. I wanted them to cower in fear and acquiesce to my demand for the crumb cake. I held fire in my right hand and brimstone in my left. I could destroy shatter the sky with my righteous fury. Thus is the cycle of father's family renewed. Had I been in an airport or car rental agency, my rage would have burst forth like a fiery Athena and smote all in an futile effort to sate my lust for vengeance.

I didn't even glare at the employees that delivered this unholiest of unholy news, I just looked at them. No frown. No sneer. Just a flat, deadly look. They were sore afraid. The poor girls backed away from the counter. I calmed the raging inferno that was my being with the knowledge that it wasn't their fault. I left without incident after gathering my expensive espresso drink. Should I next see the manager, she will not be so lucky.

Although, in hindsight, I bet I looked like a bit of psycho to the three people in line because they were definitely looking at me with odd expressions.


Lindsey said...

LOL. Crumbcake is a powerful drug.

Chuckles said...

Seriously. I was not amused.