Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Cooking with Helob: Tie-Fighter Peanut Sauce and Pasta

The cool thing about this recipe is that it requires only two things beyond the cooking implements: peanut butter and pasta. The even cooler thing about this recipe is that I am inventing it as I cook and blog at the SAME TIME. I have never been to Thailand but I have eaten lots of satay and had a friend from Bangkok in grade school. Nonetheless, I feel fully qualified to make a scrumptious meal. Please note that although I do own a cookbook, for the purposes of this trick, I will not be consulting it.

Ingredient list (constantly updated as I work my magic):
chunky peanut butter (64 oz jug)
San Giorgio spaghetti 8 degree (on sale!)
filtered DC tap water (trust me, the unfiltered shit will kill you and rob your corpse)
extra virgin olive oil (because I had it in the cupboard, a recurring theme in all my culinary experiments)
1 tablespoon Patak's Hot Curry Paste (concentrate for sauces, tomato & cumin)(half of all I had left, figured I might need more in the next week or so until I get paid again)
2 tablespoons Bombay Brand Ginger Paste (made form fresh ginger)(both this and the curry paste have been in my fridge for over a year, doled out into curries and spaghettis)
a couple shakes of seasoned salt (for good luck)
a couple of vigorous shakes of Pride of Szeged Hungarian Paprika (for good health)
a dash of ground sage (because it smelled appropriate to my most recent sense memory of peanut sauce)
a dash of ground mace (see above)
the unending scorn of one large tarantula with performance anxiety

Cook spaghetti as usual. Throw some olive oil into a sauce pan. Throw a few globs of peanut butter in, basically until you think you have enough for your sauce needs. Heat on low because peanut butter will hold heat for a while. When the peanut butter and oil mix easily with a spoon, toss in a heaping tablespoon of the curry paste. Then open your jar of ginger paste and clean off the brown bits around the edge from the last time you used it. Then give it a quick lick to check whether it has gone bad. Seems ok? Toss in a heaping tablespoon. Spoon out another, decide to check it again, realize that it has a bit of bite. Taste it again, thanking that practical anthropology course you slept through in college, realize that the bite is usual and that ginger paste is some potent shit and put the tablespoon back in the jar. Seal the jar, back away slowly. Stir this mixture. Then go ahead and season the mix to whatever color you like in a peanut sauce. Let sit on "Low" heat to keep it from congealing. Periodically glance over at your tarantula and wonder why she/he/it/spider won't eat any of the yummy crickets you bought for it/she/he/spider the other day. I think he/it/she/spider is codependent and spends all night moaning away and sobbing, "why aren't my crickets good enough for him?"

Take periodic taste tests to astound your senses with its interesting and surprisingly edible flavor and consistency. Under no circumstances should you add raspberry jelly but if you never have that urge, then you have seasoned the sauce properly. If you think it is getting a little thick, toss in some more olive oil. There may be a better ingredient to use, but it wasn't in my fridge or cupboard, so fuck it.

When the pasta is finally done, throw some of your concoction over the pasta and eat heartily, while reminding yourself that even though this might be some odd shit and in no real way related to authentic peanut sauce, at least it isn't FUCKING RAMEN.


fish said...

I would just toss Helob into the pot as well.

Von said...

I hope to NEVER have the opportunity to eat anything you cook.

NĂ¡mo Mandos said...

That actually doesn't sound all that bad.

I ate at a Somali restaurant recently and they sure do put weird stuff on Italian pasta. But very tasty.

Chuckles said...

VON, you doubt The Genius without reason. The Genius says that those who doubt His Awesome Geniusty are truly those without reason.

Mandos, you are so damn right and worthy.

Kathleen said...

I am inventing it as I cook and blog at the SAME TIME.

then you have to take a photo and upload it as you eat it. And then call Pinko Punko at the same time as you are barfing up peanut butter. Singularity!!

Chuckles said...

I didn't barf any of this up. It was frigging awesome.

I don't own a camera.

Von said...

Mea culpa

mdhatter said...

It does sound rather good. Curry paste and peanuts are under appreciated.

Anonymous said...

It is good to see that you are keeping yourself busy.

Chuckles said...

I am using an organic or unsweetened peanut butter next time. There was just enough sugar to annoy me.

Von said...

I put reason on my Christmas list. You can go ahead and FedEx me some in the meantime.

Chuckles said...

I'm sorry, VON, but reason is a delicate thing and can be damaged if ill treated.

Von said...

Use bubble wrap. Lots of it. You've got that laying around the house, right? It's right next to the vast piles of reason...

Chuckles said...

Hidden behind the huge, unused wang.