The UPS Store down the street from my office has possession of my contest winning cookies. I hope all the rest of you losers have sent out return slips and are un-submitting your terrible, un-winning cookies.
Can your pans of flan hope to beat a cookie in the shape of a cobag with appropriate art in the frosting? No.
Can your balls of spicy chocolate hope to defeat my Nibbles: In Memoriam Memorial Cookie? No.
Can your loaves of prepared crisps possibly hope to defeat my awesome cobagitating confections? No.
My cookies frighten conservatives into submission, the AEI has added these pastries to their annual watch list! You can't win!