Freelance Genius

I may have a face for radio, but you, sir, have a brain for television.

Monday, January 08, 2007

His Bowtie Knows Where You Sleep...err...Work

Image by Gavin @ Sadly No!
The wingnut wankjob I mentioned in the formerly removed post, Tucker Carlson, has threatened the video store where I now formerly worked with legal action and as a result, I no longer work there. I do not have access to these threats but I can imagine that they consist of something similar to this:

"I'm easily the most recognizable conservative pundit today, as my wikipedia page will attest, but goddam it, I deserve to be recognized only if I stand to benefit from it! I am a huge asshole and I expect to be treated like one. I will fucking destroy anyone who dares to poke fun at me and so help me god my bowtie is stylish and not at all funny! I can't believe that I might be subject to ridicule after I physically threatened another man with destruction because he mentioned me on his blog!(This part is absolutely true.) You people are terrorists and I demand that all video store records now be accessible by the feds and only the feds! I want to come in and be denied rental because I have not filled out an ESTNJ stroke 6 Alpha form in triplicate! It is just inconceivable that a man of my utter cobagitude be the brunt of harmless jokes on the internets!"

Well, motherTucker, this is the internet and there is nothing you can do to me anymore. I will admit that from your perspective, it was easy to see how I was being a complete dick in my previous post. It is likely that you have never heard of the various scandals that have erupted when jerks have outed bloggers who wished to remain anonymous. I would be surprised if you have not heard about Michelle Malkin's incident. I thought I was covering my ass by stating very deliberately that I would never share your information with anyone. I did this because I wanted to proceed with a verbal joke that actually came from my personal experience. I did not realize that my personal experience was not allowed.

In the new digital age, regarding a statement like this:

I won't tell you where he lives, though. That would be wrong and stupid. I will also not be running around ordering 10,000 copies of America: The Book and having it sent to his place even if that would be more awesome than frozen urine treats for his home.
as a threat is batshit loco. A barely anonymous blogger has declared that he is always going to take steps to ensure your privacy and you go apeshit psycho on his ass. One might note here that I did not falsify any details of our interaction to hide my identity, thus basically announcing myself to you, although you might imagine that I really had no expectation that I would actually be conversing with you via my blog, but you've never left a comment. You did admit to having "read" my blog, but you sadly chose to avoid leaving a comment on any post even the ones about my tarantula. I guess you don't have much use in your life for ridiculously intelligent and physically endowed people.

I googled "Tucker Carlson stalker" in an attempt to determine why a man might go from zero to asshatted ragemonkey over a minor comment on a blog that barely rates as Z-list. The first ten hits were all about Tucker's comment that Canada is stalking the US. That is pretty funny in and of itself. Just the other day, I thought I was being followed and turned around only to see Canada turn ninety degrees and start whistling. The second page of hits contained a link to reviews of his book on Amazon.ca (OOO! Maybe Canada IS stalking the US!). In the third review, Bernard Chapin says that Tucker was falsely accused of rape by some stalkerish person. I can see how this might set a man on edge and make him wary of being mentioned comedically on some random blog. Technorati must love me because the number of daily links to my site can probably be counted on my ginormous wang. (That is a comment on the fact that I have one wang and maybe one link as day if I am lucky.)

In order to perform due diligence, I looked through the first four pages of that google search. I found only the one reference to a stalking incident and a whole mess of references to Tucker's infamous comment, which I suppose he thought was funny, about Canada being a stalker. Yet, PTSD can linger for many years, as our veterans know first hand, and therapy is important but you have to want to change, Tucker. I can't change your trauma for you.

Compare what I wrote to this absolutely true exchange from Friday night when you marched into the store:
Tucker: If you keep this shit up, I will fucking destroy you.
The Genius (Me): Whoah, perhaps you would like to take this outside where you can continue threatening me without disturbing the other customers.
Tucker: *Looks out the window, then back at me* I am not threatening you.
The Genius: You just said you would fucking destroy me.
Tucker: No, I didn't.
I can see where I might have erred in my previous post. I wasn't a belligerent chundernozzle. At one point, Tucker was heard to exclaim
"Don't whoah me"
in response to my attempts to bring the conversation back into the realm of sanity. Since I am a basically nice guy, I even took down the post. Upon learning that Tucker followed through on his threat of destruction, I republished the post that so aggravated him and was allegedly threatening.

I also thought I was being extremely funny by mentioning that I would
not be sending you 10,000 copies of Jon Stewart et al's America: The Book. In fact, I was being extremely funny with that one, this is one of the virtues of being the massively wanged Genius that I am. I could believe that you might be sad that I would not be sending you reading material of such a humorous nature, but I am not a man of several inheritances and 10,000 copies is a little pricey. Hence, it was humorous. I will also admit that the comment about frozen urine treats may have crossed the oh-so-individual line and may have seemed directly threatening when really it was a reference to a prank performed back in college by friends of mine.

Perhaps if I had mentioned that we were roughly similar in size, above the waist that is, and I always thought he looked taller on TV, it would have been funnier. Hell, that is always funny. It might have been funny if I mentioned how oddly even (orange?) his skin tone was and he always looks so pale in the screen captures I see on TPM Muckraker. I might have even gone so far as to say he should fire his make up person for trying to hide that suspiciously even tan.

The difference between our actions is that I wrote a silly post on a blog that previously received less than 10 hits a day, with 5 of those being mine. You came at me in person, like the fake-tan-having bully that you are, and directly threatened both my health and my livelihood.

Thus, you are a gigantic cobag and I will no longer have the joy of dealing with drunk people arguing with me about their excessive late fees or pervs asking me about the next shipment of porn and whether we were getting any hermaphrodites themed videos or kids asking me to find the pokemon because they can't see straight let alone spell due to their massive daily intake of sugar and Ritalin or witness recently divorced men in their forties hit on my female coworkers. I should thank you for relieving me of the question I was constantly asking myself, "What the fuck am I doing here on a Saturday night for seven bucks an hour?" However, by being a gigantic cobag, you have opened yourself up to the lofty heights of satire previously reserved for dorks like Glenn Reynolds, Ann Althouse and everybody at both NRO and Powerline.

This mess is your bed and this is my blog. Please enjoy your stay, you fucking assbag.

UPDATE AS OF 10:40 PM JANUARY 8, 2007: Tucker Carlson's lawyer or someone claiming to be in this position has hassled my friend and former coworker around 7:30 to 8:00 pm this evening. This person marched into the video store and demanded information about me and insisted that my friend divulge my full name, place of residence and any other further places of employment I might have. My friend is totally effing rad and rightly told this person that there was no way in hell he/she was giving away any information about me and then demanded that this hassler then produce their name and place of employment. The hassler claimed that this information was confidential. My friend then said, "Well, now you know how I feel." I am rather in awe of the loyalty this friend displayed and I should find some appropriate way to pay him/her back for the aggravation suffered.

If this harassment does not cease by 5 pm Tuesday the 9th, I will be forced to take further legal action.

Other Posts To Check Out On This Issue:
Pinko Punko's Beautiful Post On 3 Bulls
Teh L4m3 Brings His Amazing Wit to Bear
Outside the Tent Breaks Out the Serious Pants in Style

Additional links added 7:30 PM 1/9/07:
Wonkette
The Guns of Auguste
Sadly, No!
Paddykraska at Daily Kos
Plover at 3Bulls!
Orange at Chrome Beach
Fish gets in on it, too.


If any members of the press would like to contact me, please feel free to email me at: geniusblogs AT sluggy DOT net

UPDATE AS OF 11:00 AM 01/11/07: The lawyer/private detective is still trying to find me through my former colleagues at the video store. I am seeking my own legal counsel as I said I would take further harassment seriously.

Labels: , ,

119 Comments:

At 6:37 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

If I may, add:

EAT IT TUCKER CARLSON MUNCHWAGON!!!!!!11

"What a maroon."
-B. Bunny

 
At 6:42 PM, January 08, 2007, Blogger dontEATnachos said...

yeah, that guy needs to chill out a little bit. Chuckles isn't going to go around handing out his information.

Although I found this post at Wonkette to be rather enlightening as to how he treats people who mention things about him on the internet. It was from a week before he cow-tipped the chuckwagon.

also, maybe the reason he didn't post a comment was that he couldn't defeat you comment word verification.

 
At 6:54 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous porterhouse said...

It's lame that you lost a lousy job taking TC down a few pegs. He's a chump and if he comes after you again - let me know. We will leave him whimpering in the interview chair with our cutting, incisive wit.

 
At 7:05 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous Jennifer said...

Z-list??? Chuckles, you're on my X-list!

Bummer about the job. If you were closer, I'd consider you for the couch-sentry job.

 
At 8:49 PM, January 08, 2007, Blogger teh l4m3 said...

I got your back, beezy. Check me out now!

 
At 9:01 PM, January 08, 2007, Blogger Snag said...

Working in a video store on Saturday night's nothing to be ashamed of. Screaming threats in one, on the other hand. . . .

 
At 9:28 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous The Uncanny Canadian said...

Even a dude with a wholly unimpressive wang should not have been alarmed by your post. Tucker's cobaggish over-reaction is hypogonadic. My theory is that the bowtie acts as an androgen antagonist.

 
At 10:21 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Chuckwagon, e-mail AG. Give me the douchebag's home addy and AG will take care of it. It's fucking free speech and furthermore renting videos is not like HIPPA. Did the videostore promise old Tuck to not disclose his personal health information without his knowledge? Fuck no! So, Tuckwagon can go fuckwagon himself.

New word: Tuckbag!
Definition: Someone who is the most arrogant asshole you could ever meet and wears a bowtie when making love to his monkey and/or mother.

 
At 10:33 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

AG, that is the type of over the top comment that gets Tucker riled up. You are trying to make Chuckles look guilty!

Although if Chuckles were under HIPAA obligations, he certainly wouldn't be in trouble for disclosing Tucker appeared orange. Chuckles is not a doctor.

 
At 10:38 PM, January 08, 2007, Blogger Chuckles said...

Look, everyone, I absolutely do not have his address and I would never, ever give it out even if I did. I will always stand up against that kind of thuggery, even when the cobag in question is hassling my friends and coworkers for my personal information.

I say again, I will not divulge any personal information that I may or may not have.

 
At 10:40 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous tigrismus said...

Holy crap, the multimillionaire dancing fool gets a video store employee fired for the high crime of saying that he knows where Carlson lives. And you know what? He got his frilly panties in a wad for something that's in the public records.

 
At 10:51 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous tigrismus said...

Or, as Chuckles points out, NOT saying that he knows but that he'd never tell even if he did. Maybe bib and Tucker can get the DC recorder of deeds fired for knowing and worse yet being willing to disclose such sensitive information. I hope he gets bedbugs, the nasty ass.

 
At 11:50 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

AG never claimed Chuckes was guilty. Nor has Chuckles ever given or admitted anything to AG. If T-bag assumes that he is reminded what AG's Bubie says about assume: "It makes an ass out of you and me."

AG has little proof or knowledge about Chuckwagon's wang, work or whereabouts. So, whatever. It's certainly not Chuckles statements since he is not AG. If that should change, legal counsel will be consulted.

As for T-bag, before he should happen to yell about AG -- here's a thought-- he should go apeshit on this little Madison High School (AG could tell some stories about that place) student here:

http://www.useless-knowledge.com/1234/june/article328.html

He should go on the google, track him down and they go yell at him during lunch tomorrow. Better yet he could challenge him to a Bill O'Reilly Bake-off or something.

 
At 11:59 PM, January 08, 2007, Anonymous almostinfamous said...

you know that unexplained smell in new york ?

that was probably just tucker taking a subway.

 
At 12:46 AM, January 09, 2007, Blogger AnnieAngel said...

Holy Moly!!!

Tucker Carlson is a great big looser!!! Sue him!!! He can't act like that and be let get away with it!!!!

Sue the cobag!!

This is insane! He's a total loon!!!!

I wish I knew his addy, I'd post it on a .ca for crying out loud!!!!

 
At 1:09 AM, January 09, 2007, Blogger madamerouge said...

Dude, I'm crestfallen to hear about your encounter and firing. And I'm sending you nice, warm, "flaccid" thoughts from Canada--when I'm finished deciding wheter or not I have enough "ambition" to move to the U.S., "dogsledding," and quaking in my boots on whether or not Norway is going to invade.

What a Tuckbag.

 
At 2:10 AM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Gregor Samsa said...

Yeah, Tucker Carlbag sounds like a real tool.

Sorry about your job Chuckles and I'm even sorrier to hear that your friends are being hassled by this nut job.

Too bad you didn't reach over the counter and give him A MASSIVE WEDGIE!!!!!1

 
At 2:23 AM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

He has no legal basis whatsoever for his choadery.

Annie, thank you massively for supporting Chuckles. But Tucker's addy is super off limits. This will only give him fuel for the pyre he is apparently intent on building. Start the clock for his "exhaustion" stay at a secluded mental health facility.*

*Dear Tuckbag lawyer cobag, this statement is hyperbolic and relates to your clients increasingly irrational behavior.**

**I am not a mental health provider, this definition of irrational may not be clinical^

^why don't you read the first amendment, asshole.

Chuck, I would guess he's sicced a private eye munchwagon on you.

 
At 2:23 AM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Shoelimpy™ said...

The other day I was driving around and had to take a poo real bad. I decided to stop off at the nearest gas station. I walked towards the bathroom, and as I approached the foulest smelling stench that I have ever had the misfortune to encounter began assaulting my nostrils. If my need to poo hadn't been as strong as it was I would have turned around right then and there, but I had to go and I had to go bad.

As I reached the door to the bathroom I was about to open it when it opened up from the inside. Who should step out but none other than Tucker Carlson. He had an embarrassed look on his face and the odor was strongest around him. I almost vomited all over Tucker it made me so sick. A thousand elephants could all poo in a single pile and it wouldn't have smelled so bad. I ran away from the gas station and held it until I could reach the next gas station. I am sure that if I had actually stepped inside that bathroom I would not still be alive today.

If Mr. Carlson reads this and would like to sue me, he knows where he can find me.

 
At 2:33 AM, January 09, 2007, Blogger AnnieAngel said...

It's not like anyone can't get it for 8 bucks online, Pinko. But don't worry, I don't want Canada to get fired cuz of me, I won't do anything.

I'd sue my ex-boss if I were Chuckles though, totally. And I'd sue the Tuckbag.

This enrages me.

 
At 3:05 AM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

Shoe, that was poetic.


Chuck, you need to get a copy of the letter they sent your boss IMMEDIATELY. I also think they would not be in love with the fact that Tuckloaf is sending people to harass current employees.

aa, you did see what Tcker said about Canada, right? I wonder what Tucker thinks about Smarties (CA version)?

 
At 4:25 AM, January 09, 2007, Blogger AnnieAngel said...

I saw what Chuckles said about Canada turing 90 degrees and whistling. :) Very funny. :)

I would think that Chuckles has a very strong case against Tuckbag and I'd love to see him follow through. Not just for himself, but for everyone who has been treated in such a manner by powertripping idiots like Tuckbag.

Love the Tuckbag remark, MR. Love it.

 
At 5:03 AM, January 09, 2007, Blogger mdhatter said...

we're all so uncivil.

Someone should tell Jon Stewart.

He'd probably put you on TV for this.

 
At 9:31 AM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Chuckles got a comment from Shoe?! AG is so jealous.

Shoe, please do not sue AG for using your name in type. You and Annie should totally post about this on your blogs. We may share differing opinions but know injustice when you see it. (Even if we are not fact checking on this because T-bag wouldn't like that).

Has anyone tipped Brad R. and Gavmo off on Tuckbag? The Internets should be tipped off and allowed to rule in on this.**

*AG makes no claim any of this is actually true. She merely claims that this post as it is written should be ruled in on.
**Nobody really wants Tuckbag's addy. The alleged Malkin incident was enough of that. We practice free speech by jesting about it. Annie and AG are much too busy outlet shopping.

What the Internets wants is free speech. Afterall being wealthy, spoiled and being or not being a tuckbag does not proclude you from taking that away from others.

Sorry to Chuckles for denying any truth to this post. AG admits she will never know if this is true, but AG was harsh to a certain Jon Stewart bee----otch and for that, AG apologizes. Perhaps we could all go out to Chuck E. Cheeses and discuss this over some pizza. Jon Stewart's friend will pay because afterall he afforded property in the same town as AG's parents and he could most likely afford a $22.75 pizza dinner for the kids of FG. Though we make no assumptions that he can or will pay. We only merely suggest it. AG has a coupon if that helps!

 
At 10:08 AM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Chuckles said...

I appreciate all the kind words and well wishing, but I must again ask everyone to stop asking for his address. I don't know what it is and I wouldn't give it out even if I did.

This whole incident is hilariously surreal. If Tucked in Carlbag does have a private detective following me that just adds to the harassment I am suffering becuase of this petty jerk's ego. That would just add incentive to my case against him.

This is what happens when the insolence of wealth meets the insolence of wang.

 
At 10:10 AM, January 09, 2007, Blogger teh l4m3 said...

I don't think it would be untoward at this point, in light of this random person claiming to represent Carlson, for you to file a police report citing harassment.

 
At 2:51 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Serena said...

OMG...you are so my hero for having the balls to stand up to him like you did.

 
At 3:13 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Paddy said...

Chuckles-
After seeing this on SadlyNO, I wrote a diary on it on Dkos and my blog. I may get you one hit, but the Dkos diary should up your mojo a bit.

Oh and AG, I'm stealing the Tuckbag definition....... heh

 
At 3:24 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Lesley said...

It seems to be the specialty of the rightwingosphere to create volcanic explosions out of benign mole hills.

A man would have laughed your entry off and moved on. Instead, the Tucker chump created only more bad publicity for himself.

If he persists in harassing your friends and threatening you, you might want to call the cops and press charges.

 
At 3:33 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear you lost a job over this, but you're clearly headed to a better place than the video store.

Internet is a weird thing, huh, Tucker (you know he's still reading you site). Maybe you should stop acting like an asshole on television for a living, and people would stop recognizing you in public, and making fun of your stupid ass. Fucking sad boy.

Makes one wonder if we shouldn't set up a website that allows us to track right-wing nut job pundits and post all of our sightings on line. Make their lives similar to the lives of radio tagged creatures on the verge of extinction.

 
At 3:50 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Paddy, please feel free and enjoy using it with care.

Anon, AG dated a radio personality at one point in her short life. He seriously had a Play Misty for Me on his hands. Nevertheless, she never did anything besides writing him letters on how much she appreciated him playing songs for her. Seriously, Chuckwagon was clear he just wanted to share the story about having waited on Tbag. He made no further claims to Tbag.

 
At 3:51 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Albatross said...

Tucker Carlson came into the gay bathhouse where I work. I won't say which gloryhole he used because that would be wrong and stupid, but the guy with him was definitely waxing.

It occurred to me that if Tucker were to track me down and sue me for mentioning his meth-fueled visit to my gay bathhouse that this would actually constitute a kind of admission that the events mentioned were true.

Then it occurred to me that if a lot of people wrote and described incidents with this moron that his lawyers would present Tucker with a hefty bill at the end of the month for having to visit every brothel, gay bathhouse, truck stop, sauna, Congressional page, K-Street lobbying firm, and Bush twin that was said to be involved with Tucker.

Fortunately I did not get into an argument with Tucker over the amount of lube he used, so I don't have to worry about him "destroying" me anytime soon. Phew!

 
At 3:51 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's funny and what's always funny when this kind of stuff happens - Carlson's ratings on MSNBC or Animal Planet or whatever two-bit cable network he now works for are in the tank. Yours, per Technorati, were in the tank. Now, thanks to Carlson, yours are rising (I'm here for the first time thanks to lovely linkage) and his are still tanking. You've probably gotten more hits today than he's gotten viewers in the last month.

That is awesome.

 
At 4:26 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice work Chuckles. Let's hope Olbermann runs with this if Stewart doesn't.

luke

 
At 4:28 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey dude! Found your site and plight on daily kos and had to send you some mojo and a thanks for the great laugh. This really is right up there with Jon Stewart calling it like it was and I think it's great you added a link of 'the interview'. It was great to watch it again!

Sir, you are one in a million, obviously, and take this unemployment situation and turn it around. Let Tucker's asshattery propel you to something great (and helpful to the nation). You are the anti-Tucker and your style ensures great success. Go for it, dude!

Btw, what the hell is a CoBag? Anyone?

 
At 4:50 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Brando said...

Chuckles! Fuck! What a bunch of shite. Tucker Carlson clearly suffers from wang jealously. I am really sorry to hear you lost your job but hope this story flushes its way through the Intertubes, so people can see what a mean-spririted, santimonious, petty prick that miserable little floater is. I will try to think of some sympathetic satirization that paints the miserable little gnome in the appropriate brownish-orange light.

 
At 5:27 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Cobag can be found on urban dictionary.

 
At 5:37 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Up There said...

I don't know about Canada stalking Tucker, but judging by the fact that Canada's largest English-language daily, The Toronto Star made history by being the first MSM publication to use the term "douchebag" as a descriptive, specifically for Mr. Carlson, I somehow doubt the country's interest in him is obsessive.

 
At 5:56 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Elmo said...

Chuckles, let me add my humble admiration to the mix.

And to Tucker...Fuck you bitch! I wish you'd try to fuck with me you pencil dick maggot. Take your wimpy ass back to wingnutville...douche bag!

Sorry Chuck, had to get that out.

 
At 6:11 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi all i have to say is im still an employe of the video store and yes i do love my job, but im not there to be threatend by the "MAN" and yes i am a he/or she, and chuckles ill be beside you all the way as i said " now you know how i feel!"

 
At 6:31 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous flawedplan said...

Just want say I'm sorry this shit is happening to you, and you're a wonderful writer under stress.
Hang in.

 
At 6:35 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger teh l4m3 said...

CHUCKLES IS ON TOP OF THE WORLD!!!

d00d, now is the time to set up a paypayl account.

 
At 7:09 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't think you can sue your employer, as you were an out will employee probably (have to see the contract to be sure) and I am not even sure you can sue the bowtie. However, you can call a newspaper and give an interview on the subject matter.
I see the daily kos has got this covered, which may mean that newspaper may try contacting you - or Jon Stewart...
I always thought men in bowties were pompus, with Tucker being the prime example even before all this.

 
At 7:28 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Chuckles said...

I love you all!

This is now officially better than the time I was on the front cover of The Onion!

 
At 7:29 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger TLB said...

Chuckles I have no gift for expressing outrage with humor the way most folks here do...so I'll just say this sucks and we're thinking of you in Iowa.

 
At 7:37 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Alex said...

This story has been dugg. Let us see the House of Carlson burn to the ground.

 
At 7:47 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

metaphorically, Alex, metaphorically!

 
At 8:06 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tucker Carlson may be a complete tool, but I think you did violate his privacy by saying he had opened an account with your store.

I'm nobody, so I don't have to worry, but I would hate it if just buying something at a store or opening an account meant the customer service person would be announcing that to the world. With no other private data, that alone would make me very upset.

So, even though I am absolutely no fan of Tucker Carlson, I don't really feel bad for you either for losing your job. Perhaps at your next job you'll realize it is unprofessional to talk about your customers on the internet by name.

 
At 8:19 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous BunBun vonWhiskers said...

I will never understand the desire of certain members of the "elite" to lord it over those who they consider beneath them. They try to punish them punish them out of all proportion for perceived transgressions, like getting their dinner order wrong, or accidentally running into someone in the hall. It especially baffles me considering how such petty vengance can backfire.

Tucker Carlson is a well known professional TV pundit. Chuckles had what sounds like a crummy video store job. I don't suppose Tucker is familiar with the term "asymmetric threat". Did he imagine that there was some way he could come out "ahead" in this exchange?

Chuckles has lost a low-paying job that it doesn't sound like he was a big fan of anyway, and gained scores of new readers for his blog. Tucker now has to deal with 1,000 times the internet fueled hassle that he would of if he had just walked away.

Maybe Tucker can bash his head against a wall a couple of dozen times. That would really show Chuckles who's boss.

 
At 8:32 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Paddy said...

LOL, things are heating up there Chuckles!!!

I also posted my dkos diary at my blog...

Sipping Pickle Juice

and another blog I post at

Left In Aboite

 
At 8:42 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"anonymous" who thinks Chuckles should lose his job is a tool.
carlson is a PUBLIC figure, and a PUBLIC figure of his own damn accord. if he does not want to be a PUBLIC figure, then he should get his smirking, orange face off of my fucking tv set.

Chuckles, OTOH, is a private citizen who happened to encounter a PUBLIC figure and then write about it, and is then punished for doing so.

carlson has proven to be an even bigger asshole than i could have possibly imagined (and i imagined him to be an asshole as big as the holland tunnel)

 
At 9:05 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Porterhouse said...

I'm going to send you a week's video store pay just for saying,
"Do you want to take this outside?"

 
At 9:12 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger fulsome said...

also, prior to this, no one knew what video store or where...so it's not really giving anything away other than the fact that Mr. Carlson doesn't have netflix

 
At 9:27 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger plover said...

Did anyone read the Wikipedia article on Tuck-o?

You gotta give him a little credit for calling BS on Grover Norquist -- who's ten times the cobag Tuck'll ever be -- but then there was this:

In a move rumored by Beltway insiders to have been retaliation for the profile, Norquist tried to convince media mogul Rupert Murdoch to abandon financial support for the Weekly Standard, for which Carlson was a writer. Author David Brock alleged Carlson told him that then-U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich became involved in the feud, and that Carlson's job was endangered. Norquist has since denied putting screw tactics to Carlson, though he has admitted telephoning Murdoch insider Eric Breindel to discuss "alleged inaccuracies in Carlson's piece." [source]

Way to go, Tucker, you've learned to emulate someone you consider "repulsive" and a "mean-spirited, humorless, dishonest little creep". Does that explain any of the reaction you're getting here?

 
At 9:32 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Donnie McDaniel said...

Thanks for the heads up Paddy! I will get something going on this when I get off in the morning. I will post it at The Katrinacrat Blog and then cross post at The Democratic Daily. I hate Tucker!! Stupid lil prick that he is.

 
At 9:44 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

tucker carlson got SONNED by Jon Stewart on national TV. Maybe that's why he's got such a stick up his ass. I think that stick needs to be replaced with a tire iron, inserted by me, with no vaseline!!!

 
At 9:52 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

Anonymous at 8:06>

There IS an ehthical argument against Chuckles's behavior in regards to unstated duties he has to his employer. Nobody has advanced that argument, however. If someone claims that Chuckles threatened them and their family, and then represented these attacks in a legal communication to the employer, then they are in the wrong. It is an entirely separate argument about Chuckles's possible ethical breach. Since he was not fired for such, and WAS fired due to the pressure of a lawsuit, not a hypothetical ethical breach. Also, two wrongs do not make a right.

Everyone here is angry at Tucker's behavior and his lying, as it certainly appears to be the much greater wrong.

Chuckles could have easily left out all details and said "I ran into Tucker Carlson." Would this have been unethical? Are the extra details unethical because he was honest about which capacity he met Tucker Carlson?

As far as I know, Chuckles did not sign a confidentiality agreement with his store, and given that he does not regularly disclose customers of the store, merely the passing by of a public figure, I think we can address the ethical questions with a slap on the wrist. Not so Mr. Carlson's behavior.

 
At 10:18 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

Excuse me sir, AG posted too! RoD has a bake-off! You won a gift for the "Name AG's Thong Contest." It is a reputable site as such.

 
At 10:33 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger AnnieAngel said...

I have no idea what store this happened at, therefore Chuckles' boss has no reason to say he did anything wrong at all, and he should have ripped up the Tuckbag's membership and told him to take a hike if he was any kind of decent employer/human being.

Chuckles, you should issue a press release to the local paper. (or the Toronto Star)

Seriously.

 
At 10:35 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Ron Mexico said...

Tucker Carlson = patrician bully.

Water=wet.

More breaking news later.

Keep your head up Chuckles.

 
At 10:36 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger Brando said...

Chuckles, I don't know if I succeeded in bringing teh funny, but I had to put up a couple pieces in honor of this Carlson Cobaggishness.

 
At 10:44 PM, January 09, 2007, Blogger jurassicpork said...

Chuckles: I added my two cents' worth on my own blog.

 
At 11:14 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's the really funny thing. See, the Washington Post has this cool real estate search tool at http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/admin/homepricereports.

It's almost like you could plug in someone's name, get a few hits, and discover which property in DC someone & his wife bought last year for a cool $3.8M when they presumably sold their Virginia pad. ('Cause, you see, Alexandria's r/p database at http://realestate.alexandriava.gov/index.php?action=address might confirm that somebody sold that pad, you know?)

I hope someone doesn't go batshit loco on the Washington Post or the City of Alexandria & get them fired, too.

P.S. DC real property search by address could, in the hands of a highly trained operative, confirm intelligence acquired by Enemies of the State. Please, please don't run searches here.

 
At 11:17 PM, January 09, 2007, Anonymous missy&chrissy said...

chuckles, we had no idea you had become so infamous!

please don't forget your old readers when you start hitting the talk show circuit.

and we're boycotting bowties.

 
At 12:49 AM, January 10, 2007, Blogger teh l4m3 said...

Chuckles, gamelike goodness at my place. Present for yooooouuuu.

No, no boobies in it, though. Well, there's one...

 
At 1:41 AM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Bukko_in_Australia said...

About the frozen urine treat thing -- you're not thinking big enough. And you don't work in the medical profession. Four words: catheter bags, Super Soaker.

When you drain a patient's urinary catheter bag at the end of your shift, put the pee into a resealable bottle. Works best if the patient has a bladder infection, which makes the urine more acrid than usual. Take the urine home, transfer into Super Soaker. Douse Carlson's car, hovel, or if you're feeling bold, him. Has the advantage of not containing any of YOUR genetic material in case the bastard wants to pull out all the stops on an investigation, and this little maggot might.

My lawyer advises me to state that I've never done this to anyone. Especially not Sucker.

 
At 2:04 AM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Unsane said...

someone is being unpleasant.

 
At 2:26 AM, January 10, 2007, Anonymous Pinko Punko said...

Bukko, that is super duper gross.

 
At 2:32 AM, January 10, 2007, Anonymous Fucker Carlson said...

I remember Tucker from back when he used to frequent MY video store. Jesus, I've never seen anyone rent so many gay and beastility videos.

 
At 3:27 AM, January 10, 2007, Blogger teh l4m3 said...

"Bukko" is one syllable away from "bukkake." Make of that what you will. I'm going to bed.

Chuckles, my best to you. You are my ideal studmuffin -- let that lull you to sleep...

G'Night, everybody!!!

 
At 7:31 AM, January 10, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I guess total humiliation on national television at the hands of Jon Stewart (and that show where you danced) was not enough for you, eh Tucker?

Can't wait until The Smoking Gun gets hold of these legal filings. "Plaintiff walked into Defendant's video store. Defendant looked at Plaintiff in a threatening manner. Defendant became so nervous that he was forced to loosen his bowtie ..."

 
At 8:37 AM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Kevin Wolf said...

AG tipped me to this dust up yesterday but fucking blogger was toying with me when I tried to leave a comment.

Not that I had anything brilliant to say, mind you. Just keep up the good fight against cobags like Tucker. He's proved himself to be as lame as I imagined.

BTW, take seriously suggestions of press releases, interviews and even legal action. You are in the right.

 
At 9:50 AM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Chuckles said...

Good morning, everyone.

I have not and will not assault Tucker's person, nor his house, home, residence or family. I am not a psycho. I would honestly prefer a huge crowd to be present should we ever meet again.

I have done nothing wrong and am being hassled because I dared to blog about meeting someone reasonably famous. If that is an invasion of privacy, then so is reporting about Charlie Sheen being arrested, Gwenyth Paltrow having babies, and Paris Hilton buying new Treos.

The facts are that I wrote a juvenile joke post that took every step to protect Tucker's privacy and made no attempt to protect myself in the same way and he came after me. He is using his resources to squash me. He thought he could threaten and intimidate me by having me fired and then sending some lawyer/private detective around to intimidate and harass my friends, too. I don't have the resources that he does, I am just a blogger without his night job. I fight back the only way I can against bullies and thugs, with words.

And the support of a few thousand awesome people on the intertubes.

 
At 10:49 AM, January 10, 2007, Anonymous almostinfamous said...

if things get too hot, you can hide over here in india, mr chuckles!

i would say you're lucky, but really now you're just way too popular to talk about your wang.

 
At 10:50 AM, January 10, 2007, Anonymous almostinfamous said...

and by lucky i meant unlucky.

 
At 11:01 AM, January 10, 2007, Anonymous blondie said...

"Don't whoa me." Now, that's just precious.
Tucker should leave you alone. FYI, the D.C. Code § 22-404. Assault or threatened assault in a menacing manner; stalking.

(a) Whoever unlawfully assaults, or threatens another in a menacing manner, shall be fined not more than $1,000 or be imprisoned not more than 180 days, or both.

(b) Any person who on more than one occasion engages in conduct with the intent to cause emotional distress to another person or places another person in reasonable fear of death or bodily injury by willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly following or harassing that person, or who, without a legal purpose, willfully, maliciously, and repeatedly follows or harasses another person, is guilty of the crime of stalking and shall be fined not more than $500 or be imprisoned not more than 12 months, or both. Constitutionally protected activity, such as conduct by a party to a labor dispute in furtherance of labor or management objectives in that dispute, is not included within the meaning of this definition.

. . .

(e) For the purpose of this section, the term "harassing" means engaging in a course of conduct either in person, by telephone, or in writing, directed at a specific person, which seriously alarms, annoys, frightens, or torments the person, or engaging in a course of conduct either in person, by telephone, or in writing, which would cause a reasonable person to be seriously alarmed, annoyed, frightened, or tormented.

 
At 11:06 AM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Brendan said...

Sorry to hear that you lost your job, Chuckles. I hope this whole sorry episode will turn out for the best. I think it will, especially if we can get this story the legs it deserves. I'll be linking to your post after I post this comment, as part of a contribution to the wisdom swarm.

On another note:

Tucker Carlson deserves all of our wrath, and more. But let's reserve some for the owner of the video store, whose evident cowardice in knuckling under to a blowhard is awesome even by the low standards set by Carlson.

It seems to me that an address worth posting, Chuckles, is that of your former place of employment.

Just so, you know, consumers could make an informed decision and so forth.

 
At 11:56 AM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Chuckles said...

As an at will employee they could have fired me for any reason, but when I asked, the general manager specifically said that they had been threatened with legal action in regards to me.

I am not going to take any action against them because I had a mostly good experience with them in terms of payroll. They weren't exactly proactive in regards to the small day to day problems encountered by employees, but they weren't huge cobagz either. If they give away my personnel file and information without a subpeona on the other hand...

 
At 12:08 PM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Elmo said...

I heard from a reliable source that Netflix has a new cobag customer...

 
At 12:58 PM, January 10, 2007, Anonymous Natalia Antonova said...

Carlson had no right to do what he did, particularly as he is a public person.

I've had it up to here with privileged jerks like him taking out their frustrations on people in the service industry, and beyond.

More people need to hear about what happened to you.

I'm doing my (small) part.

 
At 1:22 PM, January 10, 2007, Blogger adaplant said...

Tucker who?

 
At 2:16 PM, January 10, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alternate scenerio:

Wife does google search. Finds that husband went out to video store with someone other than wife. Wife then asks husband about who this other woman is. Husband is caught. Husband takes it out on the video store clerk.

 
At 3:55 PM, January 10, 2007, Blogger BobbyV said...

It's so typical of Master Carlson to send a solicitor to fight his battles. Tucker's glance out the window was to ensure that his bodyguard was ready in case his alligator mouth overloaded his puppy dog ass.

 
At 5:01 PM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Joel said...

Congratulations. You are featured on my daily roundup!

http://paxnortona.notfrisco2.com/?p=4597

(Go ahead and delete this after you look)

 
At 5:05 PM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Sam Thornton said...

Gee, and I thought it was just me.

Tucker Carlson has always impressed me as one those classic narcistic control freaks that pop up as case histories cited in abnormal psych journals.

Here's hoping he gets to interact with a biker gang some night real soon.

 
At 6:32 PM, January 10, 2007, Anonymous Mike in Cleveland said...

You got what you deserved. You liberals are so annoying.

 
At 6:49 PM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Daniel said...

Poor Tangerine Tucker. From what I understand though, orange is the new black.

 
At 9:48 PM, January 10, 2007, Blogger Jeff Bargholz said...

I don't know who Tucker Carlson is, or what a cobag is, but your post was hilarious. Not knowing actually made it funnier.


If I ever turn queer, Tucker is first on my list to fuck up the ass.

 
At 11:50 PM, January 10, 2007, Blogger mdhatter said...

and right on with your bad self

 
At 1:22 AM, January 11, 2007, Blogger Cock-Eyed Mick said...

Say the words Genius, and I will crack open my dad's Rolodex and ask my aunt for help

 
At 1:28 AM, January 11, 2007, Blogger BlueKat said...

Looky here, sweetiepie, your original post and this one are completely fine. I don't find either unethical or off-base in any way. They are a hell of a lot milder than anything I would have posted. Mentioning that you encountered a public figure in a public place in any manner or with any words you choose, regardless of whether it was your place of employment or not, is completely within your rights as a U.S. citizen. It's called Freedom of Speech. And, by attempting to suppress your free expression, your civil rights have been violated by both Carlson and your employer. I don't care how great your employer may have been to you in the past, to fire you for exercisng your civil rights in your own personal forum, outside of work, is wrong and is likely a civil rights violation. If I were you, I'd contact a good attorney forthwith and find out exactly where you stand legally.

Stand up for yourself, and not just here in words. Take the bastards to court.

I've posted your story at Demokat and
America's Least Wanted/

Go get 'em.

 
At 4:36 AM, January 11, 2007, Blogger mdhatter said...

"At 10:33 PM, January 09, 2007, AnnieAngel said...

I have no idea what store this happened at, therefore Chuckles' boss has no reason to say he did anything wrong at all, and he should have ripped up the Tuckbag's membership and told him to take a hike if he was any kind of decent employer/human being."

this is exactly correct.

i am eating a little of it, annie.

 
At 10:52 AM, January 11, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Tucker Carlson got hit by a bus I wouldn't flinch. He's a douchebag Nazi !!

 
At 12:56 PM, January 11, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, you morons are a bigger bunch of fucking idiots than I expected when I followed this link.

 
At 1:22 PM, January 11, 2007, Blogger Chuckles said...

Folks, no death threats and such. That is not acceptable behavior, even on the tubes.

 
At 3:44 PM, January 11, 2007, Blogger RicketyFunk said...

Any Atty worth his pay (HA! I just made a joke!) wouldn't have to track your information down through your place of employment. Sheesh.

Information is easy to come by these days.

Shit all you have to do is go to one place out of your home and fucking type a name in a database to get all kinds of good info. It's free unless you want to print it.

Sometimes it's better to be a hippy and not own anything.

 
At 4:22 PM, January 11, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was forward a link to this and the aforementioned previous post and read them and had to say
JESUS CHRIS WHAT AN EFFING DOUCHE!
and you have my support. (Now watch f/tucker me get *fired* from the internet for saying that)

 
At 5:35 PM, January 11, 2007, Anonymous BOSSY said...

Chuckles: Bossy leaves you alone for two seconds and look what happens! Next time Bossy will leave you alone for a full minute.

 
At 12:47 AM, January 12, 2007, Blogger Chuckles said...

Bossy is in control of the vertical. Bossy is in control of the horizontal.

For the next post, Bossy will control all that we see and blog.

 
At 11:36 AM, January 12, 2007, Blogger fatrobot said...

http://img363.imageshack.us/img363/3660/tuckergehrz7.jpg

 
At 12:35 PM, January 12, 2007, Blogger sirbarrett said...

This is unbelieveable!!!

Maybe it's all true. I am a Canadian and I like both your and AG's blogs. Does that mean I'm stalking?

 
At 10:27 PM, January 13, 2007, Blogger Firestarter5 said...

WTF is a cobag? Excellent post by the way. Enjoy your new found fame!

Your blog needs more nekkid wimmen...

 
At 8:43 AM, January 14, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

28 and work as a clerk at a video store? I can understand why you are such a hater and a consumate dousche...

 
At 11:39 AM, January 14, 2007, Blogger Chuckles said...

Hey, anonymous, it is spelled consummate. I am a bit of a hater, it is true. The video store provided a lot of entertainment and a lot of frustration about wasted nights, but it was still money in the pocket.

 
At 3:13 PM, January 14, 2007, Blogger Seth said...

Nice email address, Chuckles. Very nifty. And nice blog, by the way. I guess you know that The Washington Post and the Huffington Post are carrying this story now. It's below the fold, but still...

 
At 5:44 PM, January 14, 2007, Blogger Bane said...

Fuck, dude, I'm a full-on Conservative Republican, and even I think Fucker Carlson is being an immense vagina.
Sue his tiny balls off, and then take his stupid tie as a trophy.

 
At 10:18 PM, January 14, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And his, my dumbass friend, is what happens when you don't think before you "blog". I would love to see your ass taken for the cleaners together with the video store so from this point on in future they would instil total fear in even threatening to disclose personal information of a customer that you morons get while working for you minimum wage job.

 
At 6:22 PM, January 15, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey pinko punko!

How about a bullet-o to your head-o??

Schumck-o!

P.S. Hey Kos Fans! GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

 
At 7:00 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger Larry said...

Hey there, loved your little contest with the bowtie fruit. He and Matthews, along with phony Olbermann, all belong to that wonderful outfit, known as MSNBC..anyway, hope your finding work, and best to you..

Larry T. Doughty
BREWER, Me
http://journals.aol.com/larryt39/LarrysThoughts

 
At 7:03 PM, January 18, 2007, Blogger henwy said...

Think of it this way, you'll always have this little moment of fame as the person schooled by Tucker Carlson. A guy in a bowtie basically knocked you down and stole your lunch money.

 
At 3:07 PM, July 17, 2007, Anonymous Paul of the Air Force said...

The most fTucker can aspire to is the same path of glory that Giraldo has marched - so he's bitter and petty, oh so petty.
Just yesterday he equated visiting a prostitute to jaywalking.

There's no excuse for MSNBC (and let's remember the MS stands for Microsoft) having this person as an on air "personality".
Remember, he's not a journalist - never has been, never will be - he's a pundit, the lowest form of lobbyist.

 
At 5:26 AM, March 11, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know that this post is old but I just had to comment after I read your story. This guy is a complete hypocrite. He basically said that it was OK for the right-wing nutballs to post a 12 year-old's home address, etc, all over the internet; yet, when a Democratic Blogger even eludes to having his address, he goes apeshit. So basically to him it's ok for the right-wingers to break the law, which is what he's doing and also what the right-wing bloggers did by posting a non-publish figure's address all-over the net, but when someone dares do it back to them, it's not allowed. This guy is a Garden Variety Repube pretending to be a Libertarian.

You would also be happy to know that MSNBC canned his stupid ass. At least now you're on equal ground though, LOL.

 
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At 6:17 PM, April 16, 2013, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've spent the better part of this work day reading about Tucker Carlson's inane existence. So glad I stumbled upon this blog. Priceless

 
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