Wednesday, January 24, 2007

State of the Union: Undressed and Unwatched

I did not watch the latest and greatest temper tantrum by the Child in Chief. I bet I could summarize it for you, but I won't. It would just be the same thing you have heard from people who actually watched, but perhaps less funny. Possibly even sadder. I have determined two courses for America until the next inauguration: bomb something porcelain or chutes and ladders.

In regards to the second option, chutes and ladders is probably the best board game in the history of board games. Clearly defined rules and goals allow for an absolute minimum of cheating except for those of extremely questionable character (no references to Republican Representatives or Senators allowed, that is too easy) and all children are happy to play a game that reminds them of the playgrounds that they may have seen at some time while the SUV was whizzing about as mommy and daddy stocked up on duct tape, bleach and band aids. Plus, there is no amount of skill that can possibly have any affect on the game, thus all are truly equal in the land of chutes and ladders. Equality in board games is extremely important as all have the same possibilities in life, unless they make bad choices like being born to the urban poor or even being born addicted to crack. Those are bad choices. Chutes and ladders emphasizes a free market wonderland where all can succeed if they really try, except for those who lose. They just aren't trying hard enough. This is a perfect utopia in which all have a chance to work as an editor for large national publishing houses, regardless of their qualifications, because it is the dice and the chutes and ladders that determine the fate of all players. And isn't that what life is all about? One roll of the dice and we all win, unless we lose?

In regards to the first option, spicy foods are sometimes unpleasant about 22 hours later. Unpleasant for you and unpleasant for the guy seated in front of you on a plane for 6 hours. It is doubly unpleasant for him if you already have a low opinion of him for getting annoyed at you while you laugh hysterically at Little Miss Sunshine. That is a really funny movie and we're on a plane. Plane rides in coach will always suck, but they will suck that little bit less if you just sit back and ignore everyone else and be courteous. If you decide to make the choice to be rude, I will just have to fart the entire ride back to DC and I can take every bit of wind I break while you will just break from the strain.

EDIT: Just noticed that I mispelled "State". Whoops.

15 comments:

teh l4m3 said...

When chuckles says something is funny, it is fucking funny, goddammit.

Chuckles said...

Or I will fart in your general direction.

almostinfamous said...

except the fact we call it snakes and ladders, (possibly due to chutes and ladders being under copyright) i like the way you think.

and kudos for not further rotting your brain through watching violently mindless TV

Adorable Girlfriend said...

You better hope Tuckbag doesn't see this. He might take offense to the suggestion that Chutes and Ladders is better than his favorite game which might be Twister or Connect Four because he likes being non partisan as the red orbs.

Chuckles said...

I think his favorite game is doing the Limbo with his ratings.

Snag said...

If W. had won at something in his life, maybe he'd be less prone to temper tantrums. I always thought all this self-esteem crap in schools was just that, but I'm reconsidering.

horchata said...

http://www.mydd.com/story/2007/1/23/164051/308

Brando said...

No, Tuckbag is a) upset that he's riding in coach (lousy MSNBC travel budget) and b) that Chuckles is in front of him.

Also, Risk rules. I don't care if that makes me a nerd.

teh l4m3 said...

Scrabble pwns, bitches.

Chuckles said...

I prefer The Great Brain Robbery. Great game.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Can you imagine if Tuckbag had to ride in coach? Just imagine that for a moment...

Poor flight attendants!

Chuckles said...

They would all have been fired for asking him if he wanted another pillow. He would take that as a threat.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

That was cute Chuckles.

Here's a question, if he buys a head set in coach and the attendant who sells it to him blogs about what he watched -- would he have send his/her union a letter?

Chuckles said...

More appropriate:

If he flies to Las Vegas and an attendant blogs about seeing him on a plane but does not disclose the location or airline, would he threaten to sue the company?

Colleen said...

Didn't watch, but had an opinion anyway. Yeah, that's america in a nutshell.(Why a nutshell anyway?)