Saturday, December 23, 2006

Not as Recognizable as You Might Think Mr. Carlson

Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson (born May 16, 1969 in San Francisco, California) is a pundit who currently hosts Tucker, a national television news show, which is broadcast weekdays at 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. ET on MSNBC.

Carlson is generally considered one of the most recognizable conservative media personalties on American television.

Tucker Carlson opened an account last night at my video store. I thought the name seemed familiar but I couldn't figure out why. It was after he left that I realized he was on the list of Gigantic Cobagz. I could tell you what he and his ridiculously wasped-out female companion (wife?) rented if you really want to know. I won't tell you where he lives, though. That would be wrong and stupid. I will also not be running around ordering 10,000 copies of America: The Book and having it sent to his place even if that would be more awesome than frozen urine treats for his home.

UPDATE FROM JANUARY 8, 2007: This entire post was meant in humor. I took what I felt were more than adequate precautions to protect the privacy of Tucker and took fun oppurtunties for humor. Some of these jokes were self-referential to the point of totally inside jokes that would require a bit of research to discover, but my blog is just a blog and not a nationally known news show. It isn't even a fake news blog. It most certainly isn't a dance competition even if I do get pretty groovy.

I will state again that I will never divulge private information about anyone that isn't me because that is a violation of their rights and I am a man that honestly believes in the validity of all of the Constitution, not just parts of it. I also will not link to those who choose to reveal information that people wish to keep private such as what happened to Michelle Malkin and what she did to those protestors in the University of California or like Patrick Bell did to Clif at Outside the Tent. That is never acceptable.

Link references:
Frozen Urine (a joke referring to college era pranks)
America: The Book
Other fun and non destructive pranks


Dandrobium said...

Don't do any of it. You'll just end up the bitter cellmate of a guy named Ringo. He's not worth it, Ringo that is. Don't tell us what he's renting, don't tell us where he lives, don't describe his waspish companion or take photos. You don't need the trouble. And I'm not bailing you out.


Adorable Girlfriend said...

Dude, dando is correct. Instead say to him, "How's life after Jon Stewart verbally kicked your ass?" and walk away.

Res Publica said...

Be nice to Tucker, Chucky. He'll be getting pitchforked in the nuts for all eternity, I'm sure.

Hope you have a great Christmas, and an even better year to come. :)

mdhatter said...

ask him if he wears the bow-tie outside of the studio.

I think TC is a tool, but at least he seems to get that the internet is not made of tubes.

Chuckles said...

He wears the bowtie to the video store.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

No he didn't wear the bow tie!

Even better AG idea -- sign him up for NAMBLA to be delivered to the home.

Alternatively, donate via check orders in his name to some liberal organization and then leak it to the press.

Even more fun, go online at the public library and surf the Internt for the young ones. Give out his number.

teh l4m3 said...

Eep. Yeah, I would even go so far as to maybe delete this post or hide it below the fold (of your WANG?). Because you know how spastic and vindictive wingnuts can be.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

What, you mean the wingnutters who didn't appreciate Michelle's number being given out on the web? Those nutters?

Cock-Eyed Mick said...

You are my blog based hero.

Bukko_in_Australia said...

Hey Chuckles: I grew up outside D.C. in P.G. County, waaaay back in the 60s and 70s. And before my wife and I emigrated to Australia, we lived in Tucker's hometown. You know what, mate? It's better here. In Oz, you might have gotten a poke in the nose if you pissed someone off bad enough. But if they weren't man enough to deal with it directly, they'd realise they were a poof and drop the shite. As it stands, looks like you're giving Mr. Bowtie Sucker all the shite he can handle. Good onya!

Chuckles said...

I have actually lived in Australia myself, specifically Melbourne. I was but a wee lad of less than 2 years, but I did manage to poke a few extremely lethal snakes with sticks.

Anonymous said...

Your a Punk! Plain and simple!
Why mention the man's wife?

Seems your a destined to a bullshit blog and a career chock full of "hi welcome to (insert retail store) may I help you.

mdhatter said...

yeah, you'll just wind up some anonymous guy, sniping from the sidelines.

Chuckles said...

By the way, anonymous, it is spelled you're when you are contracting you and are. This is a noun and verb contraction. Your indicates a possessive.

So your (note the possessive) comment should read:
You're a punk! Plain and Simple

I won't even discuss the sentence fragments.

Anonymous said...

I as an anonymous evildoer still hold out the hope that one day, Tucker's bowtie will come to life and strangle him for being such an out-and-out putz.

Seriously, tucker carlson is a prolapse on the colon of the universe

Chuckles said...

Wasn't there a Tick episode about a tie that came to life?

Or was it a mustache?

Tucker's Neighbor said...

Well I've got Tucker's name address and phone number from the internet - not you or your blog or anyone that knows him, but from public information that Tucker himself submitted to the state of Virginia.
Based on his street he should be familiar with fruit.

Now the moral question, should my money be used to send Tucker those books you mentioned or to finance my part of Bush's dirty little war in Iraq?

Tell me you bow tied b*st*rd, haven't you got anything better to do that harass store clerks?

Anonymous said...

Yeah! why does arrogance and ignorance follow the popular, famous bowtie'd penny pinching newsslobs of the msnbc "GE" loser culture have to intimidate the poor youths of our future....., because they think they can! b/c they are SELL-OUTS! - I would rather sell dope!

Chuckles said...

Better profit margins in dope I bet.

Disclaimer: All I know about dope I learned form the movies. Movies like Blow and Traffic.

Anonymous said...

You say that it's wrong and stupid to us where he lives. I'd say the same for saying "his ridiculously wasped-out female companion (wife?)".

Who the hell are you to insult the man's wife. You're trying to his behind the idea that you were doing this for 'humor', with your cute name of Chuckles. Why not just leave the man alone. And grow up.

timothyone said...

The Genius DOES have the right to comment and even insult anyone he pleases, particularly political prostitutes and their enabling whores. This Eva Braun wanna-be should be shot in a bunker in a suburb of Berlin, or insulted on 10,000 blogs, your choice right-wingnut-freakboys!

Anonymous said...

Don't be nice to Tucker, or his wife.

Tucker is part of the problem. He has helped enable the pitting of Americans against eachother, helped us into Iraq, and has helped confuse the American mindset in regards to imperialism, foreign policy and domestic policy.

His constant attacks on "San Fransisco values" etc, are a daily reminder of why people like him SHOULD be called-out by every store clerk he encounters.

You, sir, are a much more patient man than I am. I would've knocked his ass out in the store, and gladly spent a night in the pokie for it.

Fatmouse said...

Wow, you're a 28-year-old video store clerk.

Arachnae said...

Hmmm. Seems like people's opinions of this fracas are heavily influenced by their politics.

Well, I'm a dirt-loving, tree-hugging old hippy but I still think you deserved firing, Chuckles. Because people will stop shopping at a place where the staff mocks them online, and the store will go out of business.

llywrch said...

Well I'm a yellow-dog Democrat from the Left Coast, & I have one thing to say to Chuckles:

If this media talking-head cost you your job because of what you posted on your blog, then sue his ass.

He's a public figure, so he's more than fair game for any comment -- even if it's an unsubtle insinuation about what he & Jeff Gannon might have done in the Oval Office. There are folks out there who would eagerly write worse about Carlson than you did. (I'm still not quite sure what you mean by "ridiculously wasped-out female companion", although some might consider me to be a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant; best I can manage is imagining Margaret Thatcher with a very narrow waist.) And maybe a lot of us will do so just to spite this self-important jerk.

Then again, if your employer would fire you just because of something you wrote on your blog then took down, Carlson did you a favor. Your boss is a spineless snake, & I hope he loses his business or goes bankrupt.


Saskboy said...

If only humourless mass media drones had a sense of humour, the world might be a better place.

vbspurs said...

Because you know how spastic and vindictive wingnuts can be.

Remind me how many wingnut books are out there escoriating Al Franken? Or how many films Ann Coulter has done targetting Michael Moore?

As if this utter lack of perspective is not enough, I read this further down.

Then again, if your employer would fire you just because of something you wrote on your blog then took down, Carlson did you a favor. Your boss is a spineless snake, & I hope he loses his business or goes bankrupt.

I'm tempted to say something grandiose like "Ooh, look how Americans have lost their moral compass", for suggesting that a man who revealed private info about a client online, not be sacked, and in fact, that he should sue his boss for having the temerity to enforce the law, but...

I am not so childish as to reduce everything to a whole society.

There are schmucks in any country, and it seems schmucks attract other schmucks in equal doses.

I hope you find "free-lance" work soon, Chuckles.

And let's hope this sorry incident doesn't blot your reputation as a man who can keep someone's counsel, forever.


Chuckles said...

Exactly what personal information did I divulge anyway?

Anonymous said...

I'm not a dirt loving hippy or any other wasted lefty, and you deserved your firing, asshole. People who go into business usually risk a lot. There's a lot of money at risk, and what you did damages the goodwill all businesses seek to create. That's what keeps customers coming back. Go off in a corner and have your mom change your diapers. Come back in 20 years.

RicketyFunk said...

I'm assuming that you had an at will employment contract with your former employer. If that's the case, then you really have no grounds to sue.

...and now for the spewing of absurdities....

Anonymous said...

Where's my pizza? I'm hungry.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chuckles said...

Spam comment deleted.

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