Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Totally Tarantula Tuesday: What are we buying our pets for Chanukwanzaamas?

I was watching a movie last night and petting Helob when I was reminded that I need to start buying presents in honor of some arbitrary calendar date memorializing the birth of some people that no one honors anymore. After I took a shower to wash off all the irritating hairs and lanced the bites left by my cute widdle cuddly tarantula, I settled down to a lovely evening of self-control and slow-connection internet shopping. I really only have one individual that deserves anything for Saturnalia.

Helob, my tarantula, provides me with such warmth and life sustaining love. There are few things in the world that a tarantula needs and none of these are available on the internet. I cleaned out his/her/its terrarium by scraping the top layer of dirt off with a plastic fork. I would have used my hands but the doctor said that if I get any more bites on that hand, I may have to get it amputated. Anyway, I cleaned out all the old webbing and the piles of dessicated cricket corpses. I also refreshed the water dish and diced up some apples and put them on a tray. Helob won't eat the apples, but the crickets I toss in her/his/its terrarium do eat it and then they get nice and fat and healthy for Helob to eats them, yes preciousess.

My cleaning efforts have really been rewarding. My apartment doesn't smell like dead crickets and tarantula shit anymore. The terrarium smells a little, but mostly like dried dirt. Maybe for its/her/his birthday, I will purchase a new terrarium and some clean, new strata for it as well. Then I could build Helob a pretty little burrow with a plastic roof and a nice cool floor. But then I wouldn't get to see it/her/him romping around through the field of webs and corpsesss, precioussess.

10 comments:

teh l4m3 said...

Nothing going on, really. Just eating kettle chips with some Frito Lay beandip. Why? Because I can.

porterhouse said...

Perhaps you could get the presents for people to honor your relationship with them instead of honoring some mythical savior.

missy&chrissy said...

that heartwarming passage almost made me want a tarantula of my own.

Smartypants said...

Aw. Tarantulas really are the perfect pet. And the crickets are sort of temporary pets.

Chuckles said...

Tarantulas are so lovely. I hope to expand my love reception by getting a singing tarantula next year. Or maybe a bird eating one. Then I could have songbirds to feed it and they would sing dirges as they were digested.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Actually it's: he/she/it/eight legged creature.

Porterhouse, how are you love-chop? How's your holiday shaping up? You going to see that adorable nephew of yours?

porterhouse said...

I will be in the cold east in two weeks. I expect to see the nephew early (6am) and often (every 5 mins) every day.

Chuckles still has not forwarded a wish list full of wangtastic gifts.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Porter, I thought you lived with Chuckles. Have I confused the Genius clan? Or you are visiting Mumsie and Dadsey Genius?

Forget about a gift for Chuckie. The fact you are related is gift enough.

That nephew is really really cute!!

Safe travels and happy holidays.

Res Publica said...

I settled down to a lovely evening of self-control and slow-connection internet shopping. I really only have one individual that deserves anything for Saturnalia.

Poor chuckie. Come over to my plcae, we'll get tore up and abuse my broadband. I don't know what to make of the fact that you get so much emotional sustinence from a spider, but whatevs.

Chuckles said...

We could get ripped and go cruise the straight bars. I don't know that I would want to Cruise any place, but only because he is the worst goddam actor in the history of internets.