Tuesday, December 05, 2006

DARPA Can Eat Wang

I am rapidly reaching the not giving a flying monkey stage in my mania cycle and I was thinking that it may be time to start my own weapons laboratory. I don't know anything about science and shit, but I am a genius and I am not always certiably sane so I should be able to come up with a superweapon easily enough. Maybe fulsome, dontEATnachos and mdhatter would be willing to collaborate. dEn could design the website and we could subcontract our LASER testing needs out to Gregor Samsa or whoever it was that fires LASERs at the Giant Cephalopod menace in the Puget Sound.

Some of you may wonder, Chuckles! How could your strict ethical code possibly permit you to contribute to the creation of a device used only for death and destruction? Easy enough question to answer. We all suck and deserve to be eradicated and we are working hard at doing it. If I were to create some sort of Neutron Gun or Vapo-LASER, we could all kill each other without destroying the rest of the planet.

Maybe the bonobos would take better care of the planet if they could stop humping each other.

And yes, I do know that recent research suggests that wild bonobos don't have massive orgies like was first reported by Kano and de Waal. That is just damn depressing. They should be having huge orgies. They've earned it.

3 comments:

Res Publica said...

I totally want to join your Institute. I have several doctorates from prestigious Internetz universities! And I promise to sexually harass you 43% less!

Word verification: smusd - how you feel when you come to in a gutter somewhere with someone else's panties around your ankles

teh l4m3 said...

"how you feel when you come to in a gutter somewhere with someone else's panties around your ankles"

In other words, like Tara Reid...

Chuckles said...

Ouch.

Why does everyone always pick on Tara Re--oh wait, nevermind.