Thursday, May 18, 2006

Cobagitation Projects, or I Got Your Back, Clif!

I was just over at Respectfully Republican: A Blog for Washington's Young Republicans Chickenhawks and I will probably never get a comment posted. They have moderation enabled. I left two points of information, although I should have left three. The first one detailed how the White House is not one word, the second detailed the difference between fair and fare and the third point should have been instructions on the proper use of the varieties of you. Whatevs.

They don't seem all that crazy at first and this is rather disappointing. I read that Patrick Bell claims to be a moderate on social issues and independent on policy issues and my Cobag SenseTM went off. How can a person claim this and vote Republican? If we were to measure this, what is the benchmark? Let's start with a 1-10 scale and let's say the year is 1992.

1 means you are a fervent liberal and really want NAFTA and think it is going to help and will vote for Clinton and are basically super liberal, bit not a tinfoil hatter. Those people on both ends are what the Genius likes to call statistical outliers. 10 means you wish Reagan was still eligible for office. The middle is the no man's land and maybe you want NAFTA but dislike Clinton for all the booty or some mix like that.

Let's move the date ahead to 1996, the ends of the scale are still basically the same. In 1998, something happened to the scale. It is still essentially the same, but the lead guitarist from Spinal Tap got ahold of it and now it is a 1 to 15 scale. 1 still means basically the same as previous years, Clinton is still great and hooray for the internet and stock market. 10 is also still the same, Clinton is still bad and the lack of a deficit is annoying. 15 however is a new phase of American politics. 15 represents the Clinton is the Anti-Christ and Jesus tells me so because Clinton fooled around even while he was reducing crime and balancing the budget. The middle of the scale is now 7.5 and well inside the conservative side of the previous scale. What does it mean to be moderate in 1998? In 2000? In 2002, 2004, 2006 and 2008?

I think we are now on a 1 to 30 scale. 1 still represents the people who would like to have grass, trees, parks, reduced pollution, lower corruption, responsible government holding corporations appropriately responsible for their actions, but 30 represents the neo-fascist movement of people like Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter who are advocating goon squads of young conservatives to run around beating those who don;t share their views. 25 is a good mark for those who only advocate death for non-believers and non-Americans like MJ' or for those who want to limit all birth control forms anywhere for anyone in the country. 20 is the people like Frist and pals who would be willing to enforce their religion on the entire country, but not if it means they might lose an election or control of the House and Senate. These are the people that are eroding the rights of all single Americans to good sex by limiting access to contraception.

The middle of this scale is now a 15. 15 is still well beyond the range originally set in 1992. So what the hell does that mean to be moderate when the scale is so lopsided? I'll tell you: It means that Patrick Bell is a total cobag lardmuffin chunderloaf who likes to post other people's personal information on the web. I'll be in Portland next weekend and that isn't too far away from Seattle, so maybe I'll just cobagitate in front of his house. Except that I don't know where he lives and works and if I did, I wouldn't post it anywhere.

I am incidentally disappointed that his blog contains no links to recruitment offices for any of the armed forces of America. That is a clear display of how much he supports the war, I guess.

UPDATE: My comment made it through moderation. This is strangely disappointing.

5 comments:

teh l4m3 said...

So wait... If I bought a Reagan "dime" from the teevee, would that make me, like, a 27?

Chuckles said...

You mean those Liberian coins? No, that would make you a 10. Or 12-15, maybe.

But if I were gay, you'd totally be an 11 in my book.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Chuckie, stop flirting with teh over here. It makes Fulsome jealous.

Chuckles said...

Can I go back to flirting with you then?

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