Thursday, February 21, 2008

A Serious Case of the Funnies

I have some funny stories to relate at some point in the coming, supposedly unbusy weekend. I have the feeling that I have forgotten something that I said I would do this weekend.

Our Top Stories for the Six O'Clock News Hour:
The Funny Story About the Pittsburgh Greyhound Station JAG Officer, the Genius, and the Old Man Who Dated a Hermaphrodite.
The Funny Story About the Cute Girl on the Greyhound Bus Who Hit on the Genius Because She Wanted to Cheat on Her Lying Husband with As Many Men as Possible in One Weekend, Or Why I Started Turning Down Offers of Sex.
The Funny Story About the Thing I Did One Time That I Can't Quite Remember at the Moment.
A Celebrity Dream Cameo That Also Heavily Featured Zombies That I only Half Remembered.
Stories of Guitar Hero.
Another One About a Thing.
A Celebrity Dream Cameo Featuring Me and The Narrator From E! True Hollywood Stories.
A Story About the Patriarchy and How It Affects My Penis, Or A Not-So Funny Story About Going to the Doctor's Office.

Incidentally, I went to the Doctor's office to start the ball rolling on having some guy I've never met before grab my balls and possibly stick something up my bum. Some firefighters on TV told me that it was pretty important to have some random person check out your prostate. Physicals are fucking weird, man. That's not all I have to say about that. Any time an M.D. says the word "syphilis" around me, I am going to flinch, even if it is in the sentence, "While we're screening you for everything else, let's toss in a syphilis screen as well." Now, I have no reason to be alarmed about any STD or STI because I am a careful dude like that, but while I have insurance, I figured I would take advantage of it and because I thought I didn't have enough to get neurotic about and thought I would throw in some scary fucking tests. There's a couple of jokes in there and some genuine nail-chewing.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

I recently went to the urologist for a surgery that I canceled at your suggestion and found out that I have a minor hernia. It’s interesting when some dude who knows what he is doing touches you sack.

ZZ

Kathleen said...

The Kathleen Rule is that men are never allowed to complain about doctor's exams without the caveat that women have it much, much worse.

You have been warned. Don't make me give you a demerit.

Snag said...

I have kids. I'm not having more. There was a procedure involved that I guarantee was far more horrifying than anything a woman can imagine, including trepanning. Don't make me break out the big guns.

Pinko Punko said...

Oh Snag, GC and K are gonna go apey when they read that.

Also, I gues it burns when Chuckles pees?

This thread is bordering on TMI!

Chuckles, trump Snag!

Chuckles said...

It only burns when I pee after I eat your Holiday Cookies, Pinko Punko!

HAHA! BURN!

BURNING URETHRA!

This was just a regular thing. No reason to be alarmed.

mdhatter said...

I've heard the one about the thing. Tell that one.

Chuckles said...

The first thing or the second thing?

Kathleen said...

Snag you are about to lose your moose privileges.

Jennifer said...

There was a procedure involved that I guarantee was far more horrifying than anything a woman can imagine, including trepanning. Don't make me break out the big guns.

I see your big gun and raise you a "we have to push the head back in"...

Chuckles said...

Jennifer, you're talking about your pets, so that doesn't count.

Mandos said...

You're worried about your prostate at your age?

Jennifer said...

LOL

Ghost of Neebles said...

Chuckles receives one warning.

Jennifer said...

Hello Ghost of Neebles! Eldest Lamblet wants to know where you hid her Polly Pocket strappy shoes...

Snag said...

Presumably the shoes didn't have to get pushed back in too.

Chuckles said...

I am not worried about any prostate anywhere but apparently four firefighters and their boss are worried about mine.

It's a joke about that commercial? Nevermind.