My current crop of problems, let me show you them. I've got money troubles, nothing new there, I've got women troubles, not at all unusual, and now I've got death to think about. I am attending a memorial service on Sunday. The individual and my relation to him is not important to the rest of this conversation but the act of death1 is.
You go through phases in life with your friends and other people in your standardly deviating age bracket. First off, everyone is born, some earlier than others and some later. Then, everybody hits puberty on our own schedules but roughly around the same time. People lose their virginity and then start getting married2, maybe not in that order or with any necessary correlation. In the last three years, I've gone to more weddings than the rest of my life. If I included the number of weddings I was unable to attend and I should have bought a tux to save myself further monies I didn't have. This is nothing earth shattering or even remotely new to anyone. The next phase of life usually involves people having kids and I have reached that earlier than others3. Four friends or relations of mine have already spawned. I have been able to escape the inevitable showers with two excuses: gender and general Chuckness4. Now I find myself racing ahead to the next phase of life and I would really appreciate it if this shit would just knock off.
People keep getting sick and dying. Case in point: at least 5 people currently associated with my job currently have cancer and almost all the rest have either beaten some form of cancer or expect to get it. What the fuck. If I am bad at baby showers, I am abysmal at funerals. My general thought process follows lines like these:
10 Don't Be Late
20 Don't Be Rude
30 Don't Confuse Stoic Face for Angry Face and Accidentally Annoy the Bereaved
40 Concentrate on Stoic Face
50 Don't Smile at Coworkers or Pretty Women
60 Say "I'm Sorry For Your Loss"
70 Do Not Think About TV Schedules
80 Do Not Think About Raid Schedules
90 GOTO 50 Repeat 5 Times Then Leave
Even the deaths of family members don't really bug me. I mean, sure it sucks that the people are gone and all, but I've got to continue moving through my life. Getting all pissed off or weepy doesn't really help the situation because the person will still be dead. Basically I'm just cold and dead inside.
Funny thing is, an ex-girlfriend said that when she dumped me. More than one has said that, in fact. Maybe I should work on that.
1 I hope this post isn't as gothy as Two and a Half Men.
2 Some people really choose to straggle along with both of these, but let me state that marriage is not necessary for a happy and fulfilling life. If I write any more on this, people will think I am bitter and lonely when I am neither.
3 Another easily misinterpreted sentence. This post blows.
4 Most people agree that I would say something odd and everyone at a baby shower would get all cheesed off about the whole thing.