Monday, November 19, 2007

Horrorfest 2007 Reviews in Brief

This weekend I crammed in 4 of the Horrorfest 2007 movies. I saw Crazy Eights, Mulberry Street, Unearthed and Tooth and Nail. Reviews:

Crazy Eights: Incoherent and inconsistent. Immensely inappropriate music that destroyed any sense of tension.
My awesome companion's review: Crazy Bad.

Mulberry Street: Nicely done, even if the inevitable resolution was a little weak.
My awesome companion's review: Rats are disgusting.

Unearthed: Not at all bad, nobody acted needlessly stupid. Believable acting? Half and Half. Comedy? Nope.
My awesome companion's review: Why was Charlie Murphy in this? Do all black people have to make crazy remarks referencing ghetto life?

Tooth and Nail: A little predictable but the conclusion was satisfying. Rambo scene? Check. Over the top baddies? Check. Scenery Chewing Michael Madsen? Triple Check.
My awesome companion's review: This is exactly what Aristotle was talking about.

A little commentary on all of these films: I found their use of tension music/noise and music in general to be oppressive or straight up bad.

17 comments:

Von said...

But, did the awesome companion have an opinion of You? Or are you not dating?

Chuckles said...

No, we are not dating, even if we did meet because she won me in a charity bachelor auction.

Von said...

Oh, and what exactly was the bid? I might have gone $1.50, maybe $2.00 for the movies....

Chuckles said...

Please, I am a high quality male escort. I run a minimum of $75 an hour for walk and talks. Anything more is extra with rates running commensurate with the task.

Von said...

That's pretty steep for someone so cold and dead inside. For $85 can you be warm and fuzzy?

Chuckles said...

$135 an hour buys you hugs.
$155 gets you hugs with a smile you won't know is empty.

mdhatter said...

Horror movies generally bore me. Most gratuitous displays of almost anything bore me. I guess I am cold and dead inside. For $200 I could probably make some temporary changes to my worldview.

Von said...

Do you take money orders?

Chuckles said...

Money orders, currency, credit cards, I'll take any form of valid payment. Prices may switch to Euros at any moment.

Von said...

No discounts for german speaking go-go dancers with wit?

Chuckles said...

NEIN, meine kleine kuche.

Von said...

I don't know what kuche is....I am in a beginner class...please advise. Danke schon

Von said...

And I STILL don't know what a kuche is.....

Von said...

I just wikipedia-ed kuche. BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT> Hm.

Chuckles said...

Not quite. It is a form of the word cake. I might have fucked up my derivations, though.

Von said...

Thanks for clarifying. I asked miene lehrerin about it, the only thing she could come up with was kuchen, cake. I'll take it. Some dumb b*tch in my class said you meant kuhe, which is a b*tch (though I've never ever heard that before, and my mother was born and raised in Berlin). I feel better.

pimpinainteasy said...

So if you bought stock when Chuckles inc was worth 0,which raised the value of that said stock, then what kind of return can a person expect on the raise in prices for services?