This one time, in San Francisco, I almost got into a fight with some tiny hipster and his girlfriend because I said that Elvis was better and more influential than The Beatles. I was mostly talking out of my ass because he had just said that The Beatles were the most influential band of all time. I even quoted the commercial for those compilation albums that had just been released: "Before anyone did anything, Elvis did everything." Or whatever.
So the anglophile just kept making all these arguments and talking about albums and release dates, and I just sat there saying, "Nope, no, Elvis was better" and he grew furious. His girlfriend then tried to get into the action. I think the point at which the conversation went from funny to asshole was when I said, "Dude, if The Beatles were so amazing, why does your girlfriend have to step in to help you lose an argument?" The hipster got rather upset at this point. Someone said that it looked like a fight was brewing and I said that was crazy, what kind of idiot ruins a party with a fight. Especially when I out weigh the kid by 100 pounds? Again, calling the guy a kid probably didn't help the matter, but he was about a foot shorter than me and I had thought the whole exchange was rather hilarious because who gets angry in a conversation about The Beatles and Elvis? Anyway.
Gin. That's my excuse, even if I was drinking vodka that night. This was also a party at which I claimed to be an ornithology grad student, in SF on vacation from my longitudinal study of the mating habits and life cycle of the red-wing blackbird. I had to come up with some excuse as to why I was being asked about binoculars by the host. I had met her at a Niners game, and during the boring parts of the game, I had been checking out the Gold Rush Girls, or as I called them at the time, The Golddiggers. Once again, I'm gonna plead gin.
This post brought to you by gin, the letter Y, and My Stupid Life.