Monday, April 09, 2007

Bush Prevented From Assassinating Self and Cheney with Hydrogen Car Bomb by Kung-Fu-Flying-Leg-Kick-Two-Fisted-Gun-Blazing-Ford-President

This story has been zipping all over the internets since Saturday but forgive me for I just read about it today. Apparently, Bush is unconsciously suicidal about the immense fucking mess he has made of pretty much everything. In a move that is regarded by at least one blogger (me) as the sole attempt at an informed decision and a stroke of momentary intelligence, Bush decided to try plugging in the wrong end of the hydrogen powered car being showed off by Ford. The explosion would likely have incinerated Bush and severely damaged Vice-President Cheney's mecha-exosuit.

The only other explanation that one can derive from this incident is that Bush an arrogant son of a bitch who couldn't be bothered to listen to the instructions and warnings of the man trying to show off the new car. We all know that Bush listens to experts so that couldn't possibly be the case. Therefore, he must be a suicidal nutjob and secretly desires to take full responsibility for his and Robo-Cheney's actions by immolating both of them.

Would the nation finally understand the true legacy of Bush and Cheney if this had happened? Would they finally be acknowledged as the bumbling morons they are? Or would the nation commit fully and completely to petroleum forever? Would Pelosi have said anything nice at the funeral? Would Ford be branded a bunch of terrorists? Would Al Gore have made any jokes about Bush's carbon footprint, other than saying it was all over the White House lawn? Would I have shed a single tear?

10 comments:

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Not that others might not make the same mistake the first time being exposed to this kind of car, but seriously! This is what C grades get you at Yale?

Snag said...

It's not his fault. He was trying to chew gum at the same time and he got distracted.

Chuckles said...

I fully admit that anyone could have made that mistake if they had been merely told to "plug in the car." Except for the fact that Bush was being shown off the car by the President of Ford, I would even have accepted that explanation.

As it is, the only logical explanation is that the President is fighting the urge to erase himself and Cheney from the face of the Earth.

fish said...

However much contempt I might have for the the president's brain function, seriously, Ford is making a hybrid that will explode if you plug it in wrong!?!?!?

Like that idea isn't going to backfire (literally).

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Snag said...

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Brando said...

I just picture him plugging that cord in and getting a Looney Tunes style explosion, where he's still holding the cord but his face is black and his hair is blown back.

AdorableGirlfriend said...

Fish, AG was thinking the same damn thing.

Chuckles said...

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Mendacious D said...

*cough* what?

But seriously, Ford's got enough issues these days without having to resort to blowing up the President. Must be that guerrilla marketing we keep hearing about.