Friday, February 23, 2007

This is why I only buy Jiff

I am not really a name brand guy, but Jiff just tastes better. It also has the added benefit of No Added Salmonella. Anyway, I like Chuck Talyors because they make my feet happy even if they don't last more than a year, a requirement of any pair of shoes for which I pay more than 35 dollars. I like Levi's because they don't suck and die within 6 months. I have a pair of Levi's that I have been wearing since December of 2005. Not continuously or anything, I mean, I am not in Motley Crue. I have another pair that developed its first rip just last month after 18 months of wear. Fucking Wranglers just can't keep up with my active lifestyle. That is pretty much it for brands. And toothpaste? I have no brand loyalty at all. I buy whatever kind of multi-compound super-ultra, mega-cleaning, cavity-ass-whupping, anti-trichinosis toothpaste that is on sale. If it can also be used as grout or an oven cleaner, then that's just an added benefit.

This week may have been the longest time I went without mentiong my wang. My enormous wang. This may be a sign that I should retire the joke that has never really been funny except when other people joke about it. Like Brando.

Heee heee

Medicine ball. Hee hee.

16 comments:

Adorable Girlfriend said...

The messiah has been listening in my ongoing request to drop the wang.

AG is a brand girl and she doesn't care if anyone knows. What she does care about is fair trade. There are shops that she won't go to because of the sweat shop conditions the goods are made in. Nevertheless, a girl has got to wear clothes.

Plus UC is far worse with his frilly polo shirts and Canadia diamonds.

Kevin Wolf said...

Chuckles, you're giving up all kinds of endorsement deals by being indifferent to brands. You're practically a brand yourself.

Chuckles said...

I was thinking the same thing myself. I won't promise anything but I may start hocking Genius Gear.

Phat Wang Loot?

Medicine Ball Productions presents a Genius Films release of The Life and Wang of Chuckles?

Serena said...

Wranglers? As in the dark, over-starched jeans worn by people who ride bulls and wear real cowboy boots? *shaking head*

Kevin Wolf said...

Your own brand of jeans, maybe: Wanglers.

Brando said...

Your jeans should be Wanglers. The jingle:

Here comes Wangler/he's one girthy customer/he knows what he wants when he sees it/Wangler!

Snag said...

The acid washing's going to be hell.

teh l4m3 said...

1. I prefer Carriage House (though I'm really more of a p3nus butter person...)

2. Chuck Taylors are fly, but they really shouldn't cost more than $20. Goddamn marketing!

3. Levis, but only 517s. Otherwise I'm in Ben Davis (gorilla cut) or dress slacks... And Wranglers are too tight and pinch in all the wrong (crotchular) areas.

4. Toothpaste: powdered milk. PWN3D!!1!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

teh teh, did we all need to know that?

Chuckles said...

Ok, so this may not help me meet any chicks, but I took a sharpie and wrote Wanglers over the Levis logo and down the side of each leg of all my jeans.

How could I not?

almostinfamous said...

in soviet russia, brands are loyal to you!

teh l4m3 said...

Yes, AG, yes you did.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Oh NO! No. AG did not.

Chuckles said...

As a matter of fact, you did, AG.

Jessica said...

Wait. You're NOT in Motley Crue. Damn. I've been reading the wrong blog.

Chuckles said...

You know you only read me because you can't live without The Genius.