Friday, February 02, 2007

Give Me Funding or the Canadistanians Will Win

This newspiece from the Toronto Star details more dismantling of our great nation's superiority to foreign interests! If we do not engage in the new psace race, we will lose it! Give me millions and I will organize a space agency that will be the Coke to the Canadistanian Pepsi. I will offer us a choice, a good choice, indeed the best choice for space flights into space.

You might wonder why I would want to do such a thing! You would be stupid to question my statements that this will benefit the country! It will benefit our great nation by employing at least two people beside myself! fulsome will be my chief rocket science and dontEATnachos my head of security. They are as eminently qualified for these positions as I am to run a major aeropsace corporation! I am a Genius and that is more than many other CEOs or department heads can say accurately. Unless they were to say that I am a Genius. Meaning me, not them saying, "I am a Genius." They would be saying something like, "Chuckles, surely thou art a Genius, here is my billions, lead us into space, o great leader person."

To which I could only respond: "Yeah, tho I walk in the valley of bad credit, I shall fear no collection agency, for I am now mightily endowed financially as well as physically. I take this grave responsibility and will raise unto you a generation of children who will know the wonders of skyhooks, space elevators and nanotube construction. We shall sail full force into the pages of history and the dark void of space, while simultaneously ignoring the starving multitudes below us. Someday, we might find these poor wretches a planet upon which they might live; out of sight, out of mind and so on and so forth. Let us pray to some of the great Saints long past: Heisenberg, Aasimov, Clarke and Leonov. Great spirits, guide our hands and minds so that we might soar on the solar wind, scanning planets for new life, drilling holes in comets for old life, aiming telescopes at neutron stars and learning more of the great mystery, but guide us not in such a way that we come to question our scientific understanding of the universe. "

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

ok, who do i make the check out to? those Canadians have always been up to no good, just lurking over our shoulder.

Snag said...

If I give you a billion Canadian dollars, what is that in real money?

Chuckles said...

A billion Canada bucks is either the GDP of Burma or all the deer in Canada. I am not sure which, but I am sure that accepting that gift would violate the premise of American space tech superiority.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I knew Canada was the enemy. This is why I went to bed with it. I watch Canadia's Prince. I'm seeing what he is up to and reporting it back to the big guys. Don't worry Chuck -- AG is on it!

Oh and didn't anyone tell you? Canadia is going to become the 51st state in 2010.

Snag said...

If they're a state, they're going to want to vote and we'll end up with all those hippie-dippie Canukastan gay potsmokers running things. Can't we just conquer them instead?

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Snag, we can eliminate the fags and hags before we give it statehood. Don't be afraid, America and all her imperialism will conquer all the evils of the world.

teh l4m3 said...

I'm going to ride Chuckles's Heighliner!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

teh teh, hate to tell you but he's straight and not that endowed according to AG's secret service corp. You'll end up disappointed.

Now one of my RoD boys -- that's a diff story.

Chuckles said...

AG's secret service have no hard evidence of the wang.

teh l4m3 said...

Ha ha. Hard evidence.

Chuckles said...

ooooooh Yeah

baum baum
Chicka
chicka chicka

baum baum