Monday, September 11, 2006

This Should Be Lame But Celebrated By Wingnuts UPDATED!

From A to Z: Conservative Comebacks to Liberal Lies
This is going to be a bit long winded, so I apologize in advance.

A is for Abortion: A woman’s right to choose murder?
Only if you have the mistaken belief that life begins at conception, which it doesn't.

B is for Bill Clinton: Sex, lies, and blind devotees
And the prosperity and peace we all enjoyed as a nation while he was President.

C is for Church and State: What our Constitution says about religion
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

D is for Democrats: Why they’re usually wrong about everything
Except the economy, taxes, foreign policy, and defense. Did I forget anything?

E is for Economics: Why it really is about the economy, stupid!
*Cough*DEFICIT!*Cough*

F is for Females: Which group really supports them?
The party that wants them to go home and have a nice day raising the kids and minding the house and WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MARTINI, WOMAN!?

G is for Gun Control: Why we have the Second Amendment
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. What part of well-regulated do you not understand?

H is for Health Care: Do you really want national 80 percent taxation?
Do you really want to see the doctor? Why don't you just go back to your check out counter and tough it out?

I is for Independent Israel: Why we need to support the only Middle Eastern democracy
AG can field this one.

J is for Justice: Why criminals need discipline
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

K is for Kids: The leftist indoctrination of our children
With kooky ideas like evolution, science, medicine, mathematics, etc.

L is for Liberal Media: Agenda, agenda, agenda
Which can be found Where The Wild Things Are.

M is for Mega-Watt Energy: Oil, tree huggers and environmental yappers
Global has been conclusively proven false a coalition of therapist, psychologists, dentists and Michael Chricton.

N is for 9/11 Attacks: A new kind of war
And whole new ways to lose it.

O is for Operation Iraqi Freedom: Why we had to fight this war
We just had too many bombs sitting around not maiming anybody.

P is for President George W. Bush: The man for the hour
The man loves his Jerry Brickheimer movies and figured that Operation: Shock and Awe would be even better.

Q is for Queer Eye for Same-Sex Marriage: Why the family is in jeopardy
Man, I watched Brokeback Mountain yesterday and before I knew what was happening, I was banging the shit out of my neighbor, Carl. And just last week I was on a date with a pretty girl! Them queers and their insidious agenda have converted me.

R is for Race-Based Preferences: What’s wrong with affirmative action
What's wrong with discrimination?

S is for Social Security: How to fix it
Congress is not going to be returning the money that was borrowed, that's for sure.

T is for Taxes: Cut your way to financial freedom
Because rich people don't need any social programs and if you believe this book, you better be rich.

U is for the United States: What makes us great
Invading sovereign nations without provocation or evidence. And our hot dog eating contests.

V is for Vouchers and Public Schools: How we can fix education
If we destroy the system, then it won't be broken anymore!

W is for Welfare: What’s wrong with it
The mere fact that it exists is enough for some.

X is for Xenophobia: Why illegal immigration is hurting us
These damn immigrants are taking jobs are teenagers haven't wanted to do for years!

Y is for Yankee Doodle Founding Fathers: They really got it right
But I have never read anything they wrote.

Z is for Zealot Terrorists: How we can fight them
We have met the enemy and their zeal is strangely appealing.

UPDATE: Clif knocks two solid home runs over the fence. Clif's first post and then his second.

18 comments:

teh l4m3 said...

I think it says a lot about a political movement that they need abecedarian primers...

"AG can field this one."

Fair enough, but we do know, don't we, that Lebanon and Iran are also democracies?

Davicker Civwohl said...

For the most part you play a very good game of technicalities. My problem is that I agree with many of your ideas. However, you can not tell me that you actually think that affirmative action is a good thing. Putting the color of somebody's skin before their merits is the same as saying, "Hey, you are a nigger. So why are you not in jail?" Every person should be judged on their character, academics, whatever makes them a fit for their institution. Now, I must admit that racism will occur in those conditions, but the minorities should learn that the best way to the top is to use those brains, get a Ph.D., or invent something, or get a contract with an NBA team, but do not expect things to come just because you feel somebody screwed over your ancestors. Racism is not going to be solved with affirmative action. Racism is going to be solved by a chance of attitude. This is not going to happen by allowing less qualified hispanics in to college over more qualified blacks, whites or chinese.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

AG is fielding! AG first needs to meet a member of said party who can get past the letter J in listing the alphabet.

Oh and AG is ready to give you a fuckin' martini. Suggestion, if you are smart, I'd suggest NOT drinking it when AG brings it to you.

teh l4m3 said...

davicker: wow. Stupid and morally ugly: You've reached a bifecta!

Affirmative action was an admittedly imperfect (what is, after all, perfect?) attempt at a solution to the problem of deep-seated institutionalized racism, the tentacles of which reach into every nook and crevice of history and the American psyche. Now, if you're going to go on the record as saying such things as slavery and foundational economic inequality don't have fall-out or after-effects, I don't think we have any more to talk about.

AG: If you were smart, you wouldn't warn him before you brought the martini. ;P

Chuckles said...

davicker civwohl: Teh l4m3 pretty much laid that problem out for you. Affirmative action is an attempt to correct for institutionalized racism.

The public school funding scheme isn't working to provide the same education for all students but Congress isn't taking any steps to properly fund it. Instead, we have a half-assed fix called affirmative action. I would rather have that than a de facto slave class.

Clif said...

Why do I get the feeling that Davicker is just another one of those white guys with the wholly-unjustified notion that but for affirmative action they would have gotten into Harvard?

<blogwhore>Chuckles gave me an email tip-off on Conservative Dumbbacks, so I also have some stuff on the book at my place.</blogwhore>

Adorable Girlfriend said...

No teh teh, I get him paranoid about the martini and then slip it into the cream puff I bring with it. He'll eat that because his eyes are on the 'tini.

UC said AG should say nothing to davi. He should be ignored. We should not validate him. He has his own blog to spew ignorance on. Why encourage him to have a voice here when said voice is ignorant, especially when having a Ph.D. does not ensure anything, especially as a minority.

Chuckles said...

I read some of his posts. I didn't read any one post entirely because I got sick of the grammatical errors. I hope that this is merely a function of his speed and lack of proofreading and not because he does not have a full grasp of English.

Oh and technicalities, my ass. The author of this sham is picking and choosing his sources from conservative and ignoring the facts.

Kevin Wolf said...

N is for 9/11 Attacks: A new kind of war
And whole new ways to lose it.


Jesus Christ. LOL.

Hey, the publisher of this book forgot it's supposed to be "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions" not "Stupid Comebacks for Snappy Questions."

Chuckles said...

Stupid Comebacks for Snappy Questions, man, I miss Mad magazine. It was gold.

Brando said...

Every person should be judged on their character, academics, whatever makes them a fit for their institution.

Which is precisely why colleges try and recruit more minorities. Academics is certainly the largest part of college admissions, but it's far from the only part. Colleges look at character, too, and many minority students come from backgrounds where they have overcome a lot of adversity to become college eligible.

And it's not like less qualified whites don't get ahead because of who they know (paging Michael Brown).

Alex said...

davicker, when responding to questions about racism and you say things like this:

"Now, I must admit that racism will occur in those conditions, but the minorities should learn that the best way to the top is to use those brains, get a Ph.D., or invent something, or get a contract with an NBA team, but do not expect things to come just because you feel somebody screwed over your ancestors."

You only prove 2 things:

1) You are a wingnut fuckwit chunderloaf; and

2) people like you are precisely the reason that affirmative action should continue to be enforced.

I particularly enjoyed the fact your suggestions for overcoming insitutional racism is to either earn a Ph.D. (which assumes you have the financial/educational means to do so...and which party is abandoning public education) or to join a basketball team (gee whiz, THAT'S not playing to any stereotypes!). I am impressed by my fellow Americans' ignorance fairly regularly, but your lack of self-awareness and outright stupidity blew me out of the water.

Kudos.

The Uncanny Canadian said...

I think the literature speaks far better and more informed than I possibly could about affirmative action. For example, this article, which is highly relevant to my institution:

http://www.biomedcentral.com/1472-6920/3/6

What gets my goat is the notion that race comes before merit. Bull crap. When there are a gazillion similarly qualified people out there and no perfect method for judging suitability or predicting success, why not ensure a gender-balanced and multicultural environment?

teh l4m3 said...

Holy shit this guys a 3rd Grade teacher. Wow.

Could you imagine being a black kid in his class? Kee-rist.

Clif said...

Worse, he's a third grade teacher who, judging from his blog, can't spell and doesn't have the paragraph thing figured out. Yikes!

Chuckles said...

I noticed that, Clif. I didn't leave a comment because I felt like it would get nasty fast and figured that it would have the same effect as my smackdowns of the SAL losers.

He may just not like proofreading his bloggo and may be a prize winning novelist. He does claim to be pushing reading an area in which we agree, but his sentence structure in that Sept. 11 entry obfuscates his point.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

I ditto what Clif said, followed by Chuckie. I must be growing-up, not starting a fight.

Shit, who invited UC? Especially when he wouldn't let AG comment. Let's all duck under the covers until he's gone and then we pull the bong and Jewish boys back out...

Adorable Girlfriend said...

And when did UC get an institution?