The Object of Your Affection (and Possibly Your Binoculars)

So, this one time in college, a floor of women saw me naked from mid thigh up.

I had really long hair from 1994 to 1999. In my freshman dorm room, there were two mirrors. The one over the sink on the inside half of the room was only useful to me if I wanted to comb, primp and pouff my pubes. The mirror was set just over the sink and the sink was designed to be useful to those of all height classifications except tall. The combination of long hair and crouching over to loook at myself while brushing resulted in tangles. Tangles are sub-optimal.

The other mirror was right next to the exterior wall and placed high enough that it was extremely useful if I stood about 6 feet away from it. It never ocurred to me that standing naked in front of a window that faced another building would ever matter. Both sides of my dorm faced women's dorms. My window overlooked the campus virgin vault. During the winter, some of the guys on the same floor had spent some time looking for women that had forgotten to raise their blinds, but the project struck out. These toms could never see enough or notice anything across the roof in between. I figured two things: who would bother to look at me and if we can't see them, they can't see us. I was wrong.

It was a warm spring day and I was blowing off some afternoon classes, probably my morning classes as well, and had just gotten out of the shower. Since, my roommate was attending class I hung up my towel and air dried while I brushed out my flowing tresses in front of the mirror. I had the windows open for the breeze and the blinds were up. I heard some people giggling and laughing, but figured it was from the quad. I even took the time to look out my window for the source to see if I could pick up a game of ultimate or even meet some new people. I continued brushing my hair until it was mostly dry and then dressed.

As soon as I was dressed, my phone rang and my friend, TootsMagee, asked me if I was just brushing my hair and dressing. I said yes and she laughed her head off and hung up. I looked out the window a little more carefully and noticed a bunch of people looking out of two windows back at me. They all disappeared about a second after I noticed them.

At this point in time, I was left with two options. Go look for a game of ultimate or go capitalize on my new fame and try to get laid, or at least see some chicks get naked. I took option two. Needless to say, my arguments that I deserved a similar show from across the rooftop fell on deaf and extremely giggling ears. TootsMagee is still my friend and when we reminisce, she still admires me panache.

I was later voted The Only Man on Campus Studly Enough To Be Han Solo. I have a feeling this performance had a little influence on the selection committee.

I am also willing to bet that fulsome is really tired of hearing both stories.