Tuesday, August 01, 2006

The Object of Your Affection (and Possibly Your Binoculars)

So, this one time in college, a floor of women saw me naked from mid thigh up.

I had really long hair from 1994 to 1999. In my freshman dorm room, there were two mirrors. The one over the sink on the inside half of the room was only useful to me if I wanted to comb, primp and pouff my pubes. The mirror was set just over the sink and the sink was designed to be useful to those of all height classifications except tall. The combination of long hair and crouching over to loook at myself while brushing resulted in tangles. Tangles are sub-optimal.

The other mirror was right next to the exterior wall and placed high enough that it was extremely useful if I stood about 6 feet away from it. It never ocurred to me that standing naked in front of a window that faced another building would ever matter. Both sides of my dorm faced women's dorms. My window overlooked the campus virgin vault. During the winter, some of the guys on the same floor had spent some time looking for women that had forgotten to raise their blinds, but the project struck out. These toms could never see enough or notice anything across the roof in between. I figured two things: who would bother to look at me and if we can't see them, they can't see us. I was wrong.

It was a warm spring day and I was blowing off some afternoon classes, probably my morning classes as well, and had just gotten out of the shower. Since, my roommate was attending class I hung up my towel and air dried while I brushed out my flowing tresses in front of the mirror. I had the windows open for the breeze and the blinds were up. I heard some people giggling and laughing, but figured it was from the quad. I even took the time to look out my window for the source to see if I could pick up a game of ultimate or even meet some new people. I continued brushing my hair until it was mostly dry and then dressed.

As soon as I was dressed, my phone rang and my friend, TootsMagee, asked me if I was just brushing my hair and dressing. I said yes and she laughed her head off and hung up. I looked out the window a little more carefully and noticed a bunch of people looking out of two windows back at me. They all disappeared about a second after I noticed them.

At this point in time, I was left with two options. Go look for a game of ultimate or go capitalize on my new fame and try to get laid, or at least see some chicks get naked. I took option two. Needless to say, my arguments that I deserved a similar show from across the rooftop fell on deaf and extremely giggling ears. TootsMagee is still my friend and when we reminisce, she still admires me panache.

I was later voted The Only Man on Campus Studly Enough To Be Han Solo. I have a feeling this performance had a little influence on the selection committee.

I am also willing to bet that fulsome is really tired of hearing both stories.

18 comments:

teh l4m3 said...

Wow. Your pubes must have been really long. Thank goodness you've since taken to trimming them.

Or has my reading comprehension failed me yet again?

Trebuchet said...

Ha! You were naked! Ha! You had long, flowing "tresses"! Both very funny and near-hilarious combined with the fact that you were naked with said mane and BRUSHING IT like a huge dork.

I can't imagine why your advances subsequent to this debacle didn't prove fruitful...

I admire your chops, though. And in college, I was in a house with a similar situation: windows looking directly into the fraternity windows about 10 feet outside our building. Which reminds me of another nudity story... thanks for the inspiration!

Chuckles said...

I inspire so much in so few.

I had long hair emanating from my head for a while.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Do we have to cover the use of chick AGAIN? And WTF with teh teh? He's avoiding AG and RoD! What's that ah-boot? Don't make me sick UC on him because afterall UC is on his way to California right now!!!

Chuckles said...

AG, teh l4m3 might be avoiding you because of your insanity.

missy&chrissy said...

i never pictured you with long flowing locks. chuckles = fabio??

Chuckles said...

missy&chrissy are not the first women to make that comparison.

My hair went crazy the last summer I had it, even ended up with sun bleached highlights and shit. I had finally come to love the hair and let it free every chance I got. I was ripped from all the walking and rollerblading, too. That was a good summer.

Alex said...

He's not the only one who's sick of hearing those stories.

Tell us about your boomerang and the bees, Chuckles.

Alex said...

By "he" I meant fulsome. Yeah.

Chuckles said...

I know not of which you speak, no matter what evidence you may have to the contrary.

Smartypants said...

Oh geez. This story reminds me of my hotel story.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Yeah, OK Chuckles. Sure, that's the reason. Maybe it's that I don't stick my head in a microwave like you and Punkass.

teh l4m3 said...

"I had long hair emanating from my head for a while."

OUCH!!! Okay, even the Mexican wolf-boy sez that is not natural.

Oh, wait... That head. Never mind.

Oh, BTW, those sure were some lucky chicks. Screw fulsome -- you should read me this story every night at bed time.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

teh teh and his bedtime stories!

Oooh...dirt extraordinaire: Geenie Cola, Punkass, UC, Fullie and Fulsomegirl all got together last night!! (And nobody is watching 3B! tonight when they go pork snorkeling! Chuckie, are you with me on some f-bombing?!)

Chuckles said...

I know naught of what you speak, vile temptress!

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Oh you know! Apparently the car is in the shop, so they may be at home tonight. UC hasn't e-mailed from there in a while, so they have taken the train or walked somewhere.

political_refugee said...

Well it beats your usual political rubish sent from beyond the hell freezer. You should probably try to get by changing the world by being naked on college campuses instead of trying to say something meaningful.
By the way is your "object" the four inch Han Solo action figure you carry around where ever you go?

Anonymous said...

You just told me this story at a party a mere few hours ago. I felt special, privileged, lucky to be let in on such a funny story. Then (as I wait for the laundry to finish) I check out your blogger thingy (not the thingy everyone at school saw) and still thinking of how creative and interesting and____ you were. But NO!!! I did not THE WHOLE BLOGGING WORLD had heard this story too. Hmmm...