Thursday, July 19, 2007

You know what's fun? Midnight trips to the Puppy Emergency Room.

I don't own a dog, but I have a friend with one. This dog had a seizure at 10:30 pm Wednesday. I got a call from Jennb asking me to meet her at the Friendship Animal Hospital in Tenleytown. I was on my way back from the domecile of one of the brothers of indeterminate number and said I would meet her there. Seizures are nothing to joke about, even puppy ones, and a friend in need is a friend in need.*

The things that they do to dogs are generally not cool to joke about either, except when they are. Basically, the doctor** told us that there was not a whole to worry about unless the dog has another seizure and that any tests would be money poorly spent. This was refreshing. I thought that we were in the clear until the doctor mentioned getting some stool. It did not take long for me to realize two things: she was not offering me a place to sit and I am glad I am not a dog. So I wrestled the dog up onto the table and helped hold her in place while she looked uncomfortable. Then came the grossest sentence I have heard since I asked my sister-in-law to look at my fucked up ankle. "Her anal glands are rather full and I would like to express them."

I am so glad that I am not a vet. Or a dog owner. This incident pretty much clinched the argument against intelligent design because what kind of moron builds an animal with glands that block easily and can cause injury to the animal if another creature does not come along and help them out? It's not like there are cleaner fish that roam around looking for canine anal glands to 'express'.***

So the end result is that we were at the animal hospital pretty damn late. Apparently, vets are not trained in insect care.****

*The original saying doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me.
**Nice, professional and cute as a button. AG would have liked her.
***I just threw up a little.
****She had no idea why Helob is not eating anything.


Pinko Punko said...

You can express them from the outside. It is no big deal, Chuckwagon.

Adorable said...

AG would have loved the Jewish doctor who graduated from Tufts, most likely?

AG has one of those in her family. All set.

Chuckles said...

It still sounds gross, dude.