Monday, June 19, 2006

The Genius Explains: Issue #42, Women

Recently, I was involved in a brief conversation. Some of you may find that extremely hard to believe and to you I say, go to hell. I was with some people and we were enjoying some burgers and fries that were extremely good for $4.99. I shall write a Delicious or Disgusting post to counter PBelle's obsession with Dicks later in a week or two, as I have some more locations to explore before writing the definitive post on burgers in the DC area. One of these friends was, and remains, both Jesuit and married to one of the top 5 hottest married women in my dating range. In fact, she is currently residing at the top of that admittedly small set.

If I get a little derailed, please excuse me. Anyway, the married fellow says, "What the- I mean-" and then looks directly at me, the only single man at the table, and asks, "How well do you understand women?"

I answer as honestly as I can, "Well, um, I used to think I had things figured out, but I really don't understand a damn thing about them at all, as recent events indicate."

The married responds, "Well, they really aren't all that different from men, most of the time, but that other bit of time-oh here she is." His wife walked back in and over towards our table.

Thinking rather quickly, I said, "Well, I won't debate the fact that the original series of Battlestar Galactica had it's merits, I just think that the depth and scope of the writing is far surpassed by the new series. The visual effects, though, are on par with the new series. The old series' effects were the height of the technology of the time and so are the new series'. The new one just looks so much better because our technology is so much further along."

The married man looked at me and shrugged. His wife responded with, "I was wondering when you guys would get around to science fiction."

Let's just hope the women don't find out that we only watch and read science fiction to cover up the conversations we are having about them and about our lamentations of their impermeable minds.

Shhhhhhh.

8 comments:

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Why must you tools frequently melt it down to a male vs. female thing? Could it have just been his wife or better yet, him? Thus, not a gender issue at all.

It is also possible that his wife totally didn't believed that about your "cover-up". More likely, she knew she was being talked about. Frequently, people can sense when they are being talked about. Rather than go off in front of you girls, she waited and gave it to him on the ride home. No need to go off in front of guests when you can insult him and his mommy when nobody is around.

When one comes to understand that it isn't a gender thing and rather the quirks that each and everyone one of us has, it will make life easier.

For example, when UC is being cerebral, AG plays it cool. AG doesn't chalk it up to him being a man. He's just being UC again. As such, AG approaches his need to science-ize everything on this level rather than making the argument that it's some sort of penis thing.

Yet again, you got nothing!

Clif said...

I look forward to your definitive survey of DC hamburger joints. You can be certain that Hamburger Patty will still prefer Dick's to any DC establishment because the DC establishments, unlike Dick's, will have black people eating there.

Chuckles said...

AG: It is always a gender thing. Don't you remember the '80s? Its a war! A sex war! I make my prisoners of the sex war work on my sex farm! In my sex gulag!

Clif: I think I may just photoshop Hamburger Patty into a McD's outfit for a 3B! header. I bet that one won't see the light of the electron glow.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Yeah, and those brown people cannot understand his order of two royales with fries.

Chuckie: the only one at war is you. Note to AG self: start grant application on research project of people who think it's a war and relationship to being single.

almostinfamous said...

#42, that's an oldie but goodie.


himvfq: his idiotic master's voice, playing from the quantum-gramaphone

Chuckles said...

AG: Someone (PP) once said that they thought I would be super aggressinve in person. I am actually surprised at how wrong and how right that person has become over the last two years.

In other words, I am constantly at war with myself. I think we all are in many ways. Some of us are just losing (Aravosis) and some are losing really badly (Cheney).

Kevin Wolf said...

What is this "science fiction" you speak of?

For that matter, what is this "women" you speak of?

Chuckles said...

Chuckles the Freelance Genius: Master of the Double Entendre.

KW: I don't really know what this woman thing is of which I often speak. I think it has something to do with breeding.