Obligatory Winter Olympics Post

I like skiing. I like ice skating. I don't yet have the abs for snowboarding, but I had fun trying until I fell and bruised my scrotum. I think the winter Olympics are a stupid sham to allow the countries with snowy winters feel superior to the sunny, warm wintered countries. These events a huge show that tries to hide the northern and southern latitude countries' envy of those countries with warm, sunny climates. It seems like half of the so-called sports were invented by the US, so is it any surprise that we win? Talk about rewriting the game because you are a whiny snot that hates losing. In short, the winter Olympics are a crock and totally freaking lame.

The winter Olympics need something more to make me watch. Something like Fireball from The Running Man. Or machine guns that waste any poor sap that takes a tumble. Let their be real consequences for slipping on ice. "Well, gee, I totally embarrassed and disappointed my country by falling on my ass and now I'm dead, so I can't even try again next year. Boo Hoo!" or perhaps if the coaches committed seppuku if their proteges screwed up. That would be slightly interesting.

I think the real source of my attitude toward the winter Olympics is the whole Kerrigan/Harding crap. "Oh shit, she's a better fairy princess than I am, boo hoo! Hubby, club her in the leg." Actually, that isn't it either. Although, I would totally watch her get beaten out on the ice, over and over again. Only because she tried to cry her way into competition. What a hose beast.

The summer Olympics are getting irritating as well. Two on two beach flipping volleyball? Who the hell are we Jonah freaking Goldberg? Are we, as a nation, so insecure that we need to invent new categories that no one else gives a shit about to compete in? That is only slightly worse than justifying your crappy political philosophy by saying South Park agrees with you. I hear next time they are including skateboarding as the new summer sport and next winter the new event will be writing your name in the snow with your piss. Although, given the talent that would take for the women, I would probably watch that. That sounds way grosser than I meant it.

UPDATE: Blogger spell check knew Harding, but not Kerrigan. That is a little odd, but probably has to do with the President.