Tuesday, February 28, 2006

A Good Idea So Long As They Don't Catch Me, Part 2

Except this time they did. This lesson details the importance of vengeance being anonymous and vicious. I was walking to class in the spring of my senior year and I was late so I headed out across the drying fields. Only the top two inches of ground had unfrozen, so it was a little slick and you could end up leaving streaks of mud as you ripped off the top layer. This guy in my dorm who wasn't entirely stable came running up laughing and started kicking clods of smelly mud and grass at me. He sat there laughing and kicking shit at me for a few minutes as I tried to dodge and ended up sliding down the hill and getting thoroughly covered in rotten smelling mud and grass.

I figured that since I would have been thrown out of class to change anyway, I might as well be late but smell clean. I hiked back to my dorm and on the way I noticed a thawed pile of topsoil and rotting vegetation from the center of the plow snow drifts of the winter. I grabbed huge hunks of the stuff and marched up to the laughing jackass' room and started flinging the mud all over his room. The moron never locked his door. I went back and forth between the pile and his room a few times before taking a shower and changing and heading to class about a half hour late.

When the turd came back to find his room had been redecorated, I figured whatever, fair is fair. The dorm faculty didn't agree. They made me sweep it up. I did sweep most of it up, but I left piles in the corner underneath his laundry, behind his bookshelves and in his closet. He just tossed trash in there anyway. He didn't give a shit two days later and I figured he wouldn't.

The lesson to be learned is that if I had waited until the next fish dinner, I could have had several aquatic accomplices who would never have confessed under any duress. The target would never have known it was me and I would have had all the satisfaction in the world. Timing and execution are everything. If the target has no clue as to the motivation of the act, then they will be plagued by doubt and fear. The psychological aspect can be far more harmful than the act itself, if planned properly. To quote Ricardo Montalban, "Revenge is a dish best served cold and it is very cold in space." Meanwhile, on Fantasy Island...

8 comments:

teh l4m3 said...

de plane, de plaaaane!!!

Chuckles said...

Yesss, Tatoo. The plane, indeed, has arrived.

Have you seen The Forbidden Zone yet? Herve at his oddest best?

teh l4m3 said...

Nope.

Just came from Wolcott's, and now I'm saving all my spunk for "V for Vendetta".

pop renaissance said...

natalie portman looks fucking HOT in the clips for that. good lord, i love her.

Chuckles said...

Back off, PR. She is MINE!

Smartypants said...

The best dorm prank I ever witnessed...a few guys put 7 or so live chickens in some guy's room for most of the day.

There was chicken shit EVERYWHERE in that room.

Pinko Punko said...

these are my fave chuckles posts.

Chuckles said...

Chickens. Oh wow is that nasty. In fact that is so cloacular, I wish I had thought of it...more revenge wisdom later today.